While searching for
the latest Halloween items, I often come across some random things
that couldn't make for a a full article but still deserve to be
written about. Rather than let such things go to waste, here's a
handful of some miscellaneous Halloween goodies that I didn't want
to slide under anybody's radar.
The
Deluxe Edition
Replica Freddy Glove!
Now here's something
that I always wanted when I was a kid... a REAL Freddy
glove. I still have that old plastic Freddy glove (pictured on the
right) and while it was a lotta fun back in the day, it still just
didn't feel evil enough when my finger blades bent as I tried to
kill my sister's Little Mermaid plush toy. If I had this new Deluxe
Edition Replica Glove, that Little Mermaid plush toy would be "under
the sea" alright... six feet under.
While the finger
blades are real metal, they're not sharpened at all so you won't
slice yourself up. That's not to say you should pick the wax out of
your ears with it though. This thing is easily the closest you'll
get to a real Freddy glove without buying a custom made one. The
only drawbacks I can see with it is that it wouldn't work well for
people with smaller hands, especially since it doesn't have the
drawstring on it that the old plastic one had. Other than that
though, this is definitely something all Freddy fans should
have in their collection.
Morbid
Mutant Food Masks!
How many people do you
know that want dress up as "food" for Halloween? No, you don't know
Weird Al Yankovich, so he doesn't count. Well, the folks at Morbid
Industries are counting on our gluttonous desires to want to be a
variety of of cuisines.
Up first is Big Weenie.
This hot dog mask would probably work better for someone with a
smaller head. Either that or they just need to cut the eye holes a
bit lower. Still, it didn't feel like it was secured on my head at
all.
Next is Pophead.
Now this was is easily my favorite of the bunch. It's totally
comfortable, looks absolutely ridiculous, and most importantly; when
I wear it, it reminds me of "Rudy" from Fat Albert and the
Cosby Kids.
And finally, we have Breakface..
Now this is the only one of the food masks that doesn't cover your
entire head. I don't know why it doesn't either since they could've
easily added in some flapjacks, bagels, cereal and other items to
cover the rest of your head. Still, it's not the most comfortable
mask and the eye holes could probably use some enlarging.
So that does it for
the food masks. If you want one of 'em, go with Pophead... he won't
let you down.
Horrified B-Movie Victims!
Now here's a set of
action figures that's looooooong overdue! The horrified B-movie
victims are consist of those typical characters who have minor roles
in a movie (ie: they're the ones who get killed while the stars of
the movie get away unscathed.) What's great about these figures, is
you can have them looking horrified by anything you want. Here's
some examples of mine...
HORRIFIED BY MUMM-RA!
HORRIFIED BY THE
SKELETON TROOPS!
and my personal
favorite...
HORRIFIED BY THE CANDY
APPLE!
I could spend hours
taking photos of making these b-movie victims looking horrified of
completely non-horrific things. Make 'em run away from a shampoo
bottle. Make 'em scream in horror at the site of your stamp
collection. Make 'em beg for mercy from the mystery food in your
fridge with the fungus growing on it. The options are endless, so do
yourself a favor and pick up a set.
Terror
Ties!
I found these at the
big Halloween Club store on close-out. Normally, I wouldn't
be caught dead (no pun intended) wearing these "Terror Ties",
but for 99 cents a pop, I figured it was worth buying them just to
see how bad they looked. Aside from the fact that they're made of
paper, these ties look worse than clip-ons. There's no way of even
hiding them under your collar and if you tie the string too tight,
the top of the ties will actually jab into your throat. And when
you've got an Adam's apple like mine that sticks out as if an alien
was trying to burst from within it, it's definitely gonna get some
annoying paper cuts from these ties. Ok, so on with the actual ties.
I even dressed up for the occasion and put on some glasses so I look
extra smart and business-like.
What's eating you?
Hahahahaha!
Your haunt or mine?
ROFL! Oh lordy oh my oh me!
Gone but not
forgotten.
Ok, that one just depressed me. :(
I did manage to find
one other random non-brand Halloween tie in that same Halloween
shop...
It was a rubbery
Halloween tie with a stack o' pumpkins on it. The cool thing is that
the top pumpkin has eyes that flash when you press a button on the
back of the tie. It also plays a silly little spooky sound that
you've probably heard on a ton of other cheap Halloween novelties.
Oddly enough, the
place that I found a real Halloween tie was at the grocery
store.
Yep, for only 3 bux
you too can have yourself a pumpkin pattern tie and then you'll get
all the ladies. Because if there's one thing in life that always
stands true, it's that ladies? They love men who have impeccable
taste for the most sophisticated forms of attire. Things like an
Armani tuxedo, a fitted button-up shirt, and a pumpkin tie. Trust
me.
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!
YOU FOUND SCARY-ASS TRADING CARD #11!
COLLECT ALL 12 FOR A SURPRISE!
i-mockery.com/halloween/cards06/gentlemen-card11.jpg
*copy this URL
down, you'll need it once you've found all 12 cards!*
Can't even shout, can't
even cry The Gentlemen are coming by.
Looking in windows, knocking on doors,
They need to take seven and they might take yours.
Can't call to mom, can't say a word,
You're gonna die screaming but you won't be heard.
Who doesn't love Buffy the Vampire Slayer? But even diehard fans
admit, it was really action adventure in a horror setting, and not
very often actually frightening. The exception in spades was a weird
little episode called "Hush".
The Gentlemen silence voices. It makes it so much easier to do what
they do, which is harvest human hearts.
Find all 12 "Scary-Ass
Trading Cards" this October (2006) and you'll not only get a
special 13th card emailed to you, but you'll automatically be
entered to win a Halloween prize pack from I-Mockery! Cards will
be placed in random new I-Mockery articles during the month of
October. Simply copy the URLs of each card down into a text file
whenever you find them.
Once you have
collected the URLs of all 12 cards, simply email them to
webmaster@i-mockery.com with the subject line
"I-Mockery's Scary-Assed Trading Cards!" and you will have the
special 13th card emailed to you and you'll be entered to win a
Halloween prize pack which may include masks, DVDs and more!
You must send in your emails by November
5th, 2006 to qualify!
Do
NOT email the actual card
graphics to us. We only want you to email us the URLs of
the 12 cards which you can find directly underneath them.
