Well, I guess this sums up how the Amish feel about alcohol. Not too
surprising, when you think about it. What the hell else do they have to
do?
I managed to snap a quick shot of this buggy as it fled from my
soul-capturing photographic device. I didn't even notice him as I took the
picture, but the kid in the back looks kind of pissed. WELL, I HAVE YOUR
SOUL NOW, BOY!
The Amish may be lagging behind the rest of the country in a lot of areas,
but it's refreshing to know that they're still on the up and up as far as
capitalism goes. They could do better though—do you see how cheap those
shirts are?
This shirt really kind of says it all. I'm not sure what it's saying
though, because I'm too afraid to listen.
This one store had some enlightening reading material. I learned all about
how to be a witch!
I don't know what it is about the Amish and creepy-as-hell dolls, but they
sure to have the market cornered on that.
Seriously, would you trust this fucking thing in your house? You know it's
going to grab a knife and try to kill you while you sleep.
Suicidal sad dolls for the manic depressive or terminally bored.
I don't know what Shoo Fly pie is, but I am to
not ever find out.
I loved this whole little setup here. It's like the
strangely-effeminate-yet-somehow-male doll is screaming at the
valium-and-booze-cocktail-glazed-eyes doll over some petty disagreement or
another. Hey, they must be married!
Somebody somewhere is actually going to buy this and put it on their wall.
Just think about that. Seriously, take a few moments to think about that.
There's nothing I can say about it that's worse than what you just
thought.
Surely this
must have been an out of town visitor? But I like to
think the bike may have belonged to ol' Jebediah Blades, rebel
among the people.
This guy
reminds me of something out of that horror movie Troll.
Wait, let me
get this straight—they're selling a topless mermaid? In an Amish store? And that's not all—I saw all kinds of topless little
faeries and sprites for sale.
This horse is pretty nightmarish (no pun intended). Just look at its
insane teeth!
Is that little pig on the big one's shoulder mooning us?
You know that old commercial where the Indian cries a single tear when he
sees some white dude littering? Well, I think this is worth a whole bucket
of tears.
This Garden
of Horrors just creeps me the hell out. Who wants to see this shit
every day they walk out of their house? Who!??
I don't even know what I was doing here. But hey, check out the way that
window back there is boarded up… with a quilt.
Say what you
will about the Amish being sexually repressed, but they do want you to ask for a lightning lube.
Wait a minute—we're
in Berlin now? Why didn't they have that Hitler-looking dude in this little town?
Der Bake Oven. Yep, definitely feeling like we're in Germany now.
If this shop was anything remotely like that doll room from before, I'll
count myself damned lucky that we didn't go in.
At one point during the day we passed a small roadside bar with a bunch of
motorcycles sitting outside. And that's what I thought of when I saw all
these buggies parked alongside each other here. Amish thugs like to roll
in groups.
I love how insanely snooty this guy looks. Not exactly the most welcoming
or inviting doorman, is he?
One truly insane thing the Amish enjoy doing is spending quality
time with their families. The words "family fun night" alone are enough to
send chills down most people's spines.
Once again, they try to terrify us "normal folk" with their demonic
looking dolls and statues.
And that pretty well sums up the types of things I saw. If you're ever
considering passing through Amish territory on your way through the
Midwest… don't. Just don't.
I think this final picture of an Amish dude walking off into the sunset
(it was midday, but let's just pretend) really wraps things up nicely. I
HAVE YOUR SOUL, DUDE!!! I HAVE YOU SOUL!
