This party needs some stylish musical entertainment. Going against your mom's advice of hiring your cousin Jerry, who's "so good at playing the Stars & Stripes on his clarinet", you decide to go with an actual Mexican Mariachi band. You grab the yellow pages and within five minutes you're on the phone with Eduardo DeLaHoya and his Combo Spectacularrrrrr. They're more than happy to attend your Monster Party, there's just one problem: the President has declared war on Mexico because his daughters were caught drinking Tequila. You'll need to drive up to the border, load in the band, and smuggle them into the States.

Your whole party crew is stuffed into Cletus' Winnebago and you drive over to El Paso to meet up with Eduardo. Unfortunately, at the border, you come upon a military blockade. A US soldier comes walking up to the van. Aside from the fact that you and your bouncers are escaped prisoners, Cletus' driver's license has expired and the Keebler elf has been smoking pot during the entire drive out here. In other words, you're fucked unless you take out this soldier. You look over at Cletus, and he throws a meaningful glance at the glove compartment. There must be a gun in there. You pretend to bump your knee into it, and the compartment falls open.

For when you're not feeling 'adequately equipped'.

What the... you look up at Cletus, and he's nodding meaningfully that this is your ticket out of here. Shrugging, you slip on the Accomodator™ and step out of the van. The soldier is reading over a clipboard while he's walking up to you, and doesn't notice the chin-mounted penis on your face. "Good day." he starts. "I'm sorry sir, I can't let you pass through here unless you... have... a..." he gawks at the Accomodator™ wide-eyed, trying to make sense of what he's seeing. This is your cue.

*POKE*

Got him! Right in the eye. The soldier drops his clipboard and howls in pain and humiliation, covering his stricken eye. You spin around to rejoin your crew and race across the border, only to find them driving off into Mexico without you. Before you can do anything else, the wounded soldier holds you at gunpoint and arrests you for assaulting a military officer with an Accomodator™. You're taken to a jail cell that's actually meant for illegal Mexican immigrants, where you'll be spending your next six months in a mixture of heat and sweat. Your Monster Party crew met up with Eduardo and threw one hell of a "Festival Monstra" in a bar in Guadelajara.

You decide to:

• Kill yourself, you idiot.
   
• Start over, you idiot.