Alright! You've arrived at camp, so it's time to ditch mom and go exploring! With a burst of excitement you tear off your clothes and run into the woods, screaming with glee at the top of your lungs, as you look forward to becoming a wilderness adventure man! Sure enough, you have a blast running around in the woods during the day, but when night falls, the story is a bit different. Having left your clothes behind and being completely lost, you're now freezing your "wilderness adventure man" ass off. You've gotta get some clothes pronto!

You try covering yourself in mud like Arnold Schwarzenegger did in that movie "Predator", because for some idiotic reason, you thought it would make you warmer. In actuality, all it did was make you really dirty and even colder. Furthermore, it wasn't mud, it was filth from an old latrine. Christ, how the hell could you not know it wasn't mud? I could smell that shit all the way from here, and this story isn't even real!

So, mister stinky wilderness adventure man, what's the plan now? Oh, you're gonna go skin some animals alive and use their fur for warmth instead? Yeah, that'd be a good idea, but unfortunately for you, the animals can smell you from a mile away so there's no way you can catch them. And you can't even find any water to wash off the stench... but who are you kidding? You couldn't wash off that horrid stench with turpentine and a Brillo pad.

Morning comes again, but it's too late for you. You're frozen. A frozen wilderness adventure man. A frozen feces-covered wilderness adventure man. A frozen turd man. But hey, it's not all bad. A few weeks later some REAL wilderness men find you and donate you to the local wilderness museum back at camp. Your frozen dung-caked body is put on display in a huge glass case and you're now a part of the tour. "Come one, come all! Come see the world's only Frozen Wilderness Turdman!"

YO TURDSICLE! START OVER!