Ah Monticello. Such a
peaceful place. Such a romantic place. It's one of those sublime
locations that backs up the state motto: Virginia is for Lovers.
You walk the ground and feel at peace with yourself and the world. It is
a peace you have never known. You've unconsciously loosened up your
always-tense shoulders. You're no longer clenching your fists. Your
jaw-grinding has stopped.
DAMNIT! STAY
FOCUSED! THERE'S AN ALIEN INVASION ABOUT TO HAPPEN AND YOUR HEAD IS UP
IN THE CLOUDS!
But ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...
the soothing tranquility of Monticello. Ha ha, look over there! It's a
happy little butterfly dancing with a charming hummingbird upon the lush
verdure of Jefferson's beautiful estate.
WILL YOU STOP WITH
THE GODDAMNED CAROUSING CRAP AND TRY TO SOLVE THIS MYSTERY, NOT FROLIC
AROUND THE MONTICELLO GROUNDS!
You can't help it
though. You've been completely mesmerized by this seemingly perfect
spot. Nothing could possibly distract you now. Nothing... at... all...
Wait a minute. What's
that rumbling? What's that ruckus? What the!?!? NOOOOOOO!
During all of your
starry-eyed gazing and talk of butterflies, you failed to remember that
Richmond, VA is also home to the masters of metal - GWAR!
Apparently they were remodeling their slave pit and using Monticello as
a temporary home. Too bad for you, you woke them from their slumber and
are now having your windpipe crushed under Beefcake the Mighty's giant
boots!
