You figure, if you're
not supposed to hit a guy with glasses on, shooting a guy with glasses
on is probably even more socially inappropriate. In fact, it would be
downright rude, sir! And shooting the Star Trek Lincoln? Come on, that
guy clearly has had a bad life. He was in an old episode of Star Trek
and probably spent his later years crying about it, trying to show his
few friends his shitty 3rd generation VHS copy of the episode which he
taped off the TV at 4am. And just imagine how embarrassed he was when
his big scene was about to come up and that's when the tape cut to an
episode of Star Search that his little sister decided to record. Sad,
sad, sad...
So that leaves only one
Abe left... successful Abe. Abe without glasses. Abe from the high
school wrestling team. Abe who dated the prom queen. Abe who...
"Look pal,"
sans-glasses Abe interrupts, "I may have been hot shit in high school,
but now I work in a laundromat - cleaning the lint out from under the
machines. My life is anything but great these days. So tell you what. Do
me a favor. Shoot me. Shoot me in the face. Shoot me in the heart. Shoot
me anywhere as long as it fucking KILLS ME!"
He then hands you an
old photograph of him at his job:
"That blue-grey hue
isn't even something I did in Photoshop for extra dramatic effect,
that's a completely unaltered photograph. The job was really THAT
depressing!" exclaims the seemingly suicidal Lincoln.
He goes on and on and
on about how his life is now horrible and ends up depressing you. His
story depresses you so much that you completely forget about the alien
invasion and you shoot yourself in the face to ease the pain. Way to go, genius.
