Thinking quickly, you
pop a cap in the Abe Lincoln with glasses. Never mind where you
got a gun or how you got it through airport security, there's no time
for persnickety details, you're saving the world single handedly from an
Alien invasion!
Or you would be if the Abe Lincoln you just shot had actually been a
robot, like he said he was. But obviously this "Abe" wasn't being
"honest", because instead of a hail of circuitry and wires busting out
the exit wound, his entire body explodes in a mass of rapidly expanding,
loosely connected organic parts!
"TETSUOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"
You scream above the horrid, cicada-like buzzing coming from the former
animatronic emancipator, and then everyone goes quiet and just stares at
you.
"Tetsuo? What are you a fucking moron?" the Star Trek Lincoln inquires
politely.
"Oh my God. Oh my sweet Jesus, you're stupid," says the Monster Lincoln.
"You totally, TOTALLY screwed my moment."
"I'm sorry" you say, "You just... kind of look like the kid from "Akira"
when he goes... all... monster and stuff."
"Okay, fine" Says the still animatronic without the glasses Lincoln,
"But what in the world does that movie have to do with Alien Invasions?
No, no, don't tax yourself. Let me answer for you. Nothing."
"I'm the monster from John Carpenter's remake of "The Thing",
retard," says Monster Lincoln. "Cause, duh, that monster is an Alien?"
"Although the original 1951 version is a far superior movie." Says Star
Trek Lincoln.
"Granted," says Monster Lincoln, "But I wanted superior special
effects."
"What are you talking about!?" the still robotic Lincoln shrieks, "The
'51 monster is a CLASSIC!"
"Oh, for it's time, I guess, but I'm pretty much over prosthetic
foreheads as far as scare factor goes."
"Excuse Me," You ask, "But is this going to be a wrong answer?"
"What?" says the monster. "Oh. Yeah. Sorry, just let me finish up here
and then I'll kill you." Which, after about a half hour of fairly dorky
cinemaphile debate, he does. Painfully.
