The final Lincoln must
be somewhere around here. You put aside the inconvenient fact that you
only imagined a series of helpful robot Lincolns in a virtual reality
simulation of your quest to stop the aliens. After all, your imagination
cooked up a Star Trek Lincoln, and there was at least one episode of
Star Trek where the holodeck malfunctioned and the holograms came to
life. Therefore, you can safely conclude that somewhere on this ship,
there must be a real holographic Lincoln. Hopefully, it won't be an evil
Lincoln.
You race up and down the corridors of the alien ship, searching for any
sign of the final Lincoln. Sadly, you don't catch sight of the Great
Rail-Splitter anywhere, nor do you pass any Lincoln-related rooms that
might house him. You are just about to give up hope when suddenly, you
catch the scent of stovepipe hats and emancipation. The final Lincoln
must be nearby! You follow the scent into what appears to be a hangar
for alien ships and spot him:
A far cry from the
mechanical Lincolns you met earlier, this Lincoln is a towering robot; a
Mechalincoln™,
if you will. And it looks like some careless alien left the cockpit
hatch open. Lucky you! You hop in, prepared to start unleashing your
Lincoln-fueled fury upon the alien scum. Unfortunately, all the controls
are in the alien's language, which you have taken to calling "Alienese."
Still, you're positive you can make this thing do something, so you
start poking every button and flipping every switch you can reach. You
succeed in honking the horn and turning on the emergency flashers.
Curses, you... curse, I've come too far to be deterred by the language
barrier!
You spot a large, red button positioned just beyond the reach of your
left hand. Of course, you realize, red is the universal symbol of power.
Without a moment's hesitation, you stretch yourself across the control
panel and smack the button as hard as you can, shouting, "go Lincoln" as
you do. The console in front of you begins to buzz with activity. From a
speaker located just behind the seat, you hear a message in Alienese,
followed by a message in French, and then German. How odd. It next plays
the message in Spanish, and thanks to your three years of high school
Spanish, you can just make out the phrase, "asiento del eyector" before
the ejector seat fires you in the ceiling of the hangar.
