Before you press the big red shiny "FIRE" button which would surely obliterate the alien ship, you notice another button that of course says, "UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES SHOULD YOU EVER PRESS THIS BUTTON BECAUSE IT COULD CAUSE SOMETHING REALLY BAD TO HAPPEN! NO REALLY, DON'T PRESS THIS BUTTON!" It's really the biggest button you've ever seen. I mean, how else could they fit all that text onto it... especially since it was the IMPACT font at 150 pt, bolded with underlines. Seriously, that's one hell of a big fucking button. How did they even get it on the ship? Did they build the ship around it or something? It's just so big... so... shiny... so... so... so........

Of course you pressed it. OF COURSE you did. Didn't you ever read those Curious George books when you were younger? Didn't you learn anything from them other than the fact that the man with the yellow hat must've been one lonely motherfucker to have spent so much time with a monkey. Maybe if he lost that yellow hat he could've gotten a DATE for a change.

In an instant, the ship and the entire world around you evaporates before your very eyes. You feel yourself falling through the darkness for what seems like an eternity. Remember that scene in Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey where they die and they're falling for a really long time and they just keep on screaming for the hell of it? Yeah, that's kind of what's going on with you right now, only on a much grander scale. Your fall is like 15 times longer. Plus Tom Jones' "It's Not Unusual" is playing in the background for some unknown reason.

After hearing the song roughly 374 times in a row, your mind is about to snap when your fall comes to a complete stop as you land softly in a marshmallowy cloud. I would've said a "billowing" cloud, but this cloud is actually made of marshmallows. You can even taste it to make sure. Tastes good doesn't it? See? I told you it really was made of marshmallow.

You look around and there's nothing but marshmallow clouds as far as the eye can see. You don't know where you are, or if you're even in reality or in another virtual reality or a virtual virtual reality or a... a... ah screw it. Let's just say you don't know what the hell is going on, ok?

What you do know is that there's something coming towards you from off in the distance. Wait, what the hell is that? Holy crabcakes! It's...

THE CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON!

Quite a few things strike you as odd about this situation: 1) Why/how is the creature flying? 2) Why is his head so friggin' huge? 3) Why are you still floating in marshmallow clouds? 4) What does this creature want with you?

Well, at least part 4 is about to answer itself. The creature starts talking to you and you try to stifle your laughter about how it sounds like he's talking in one of those cartoony underwater voices like the fish in Pee-Wee's Playhouse had.

"Hellollolololo therere. I amamam the crerereaturere fromom thehe blackackack lagoonoonoonoon!" he says. "You mustst chooseooseoose your fateateate! All but one leadeadead to certainain doomoomoom!"

Just then a huge billboard of choices appears above his head. Oh god no, it's all the crap you've seen at those "As Seen On TV" stores!

So you have to choose one of these things and only one of them is the correct answer? You haven't exactly had good luck with the lotto, so you see no reason why your luck would start here with these completely random choices. But this is the hand you've been dealt and you had better do something, because if you don't make a choice, that creature will probably eat you. And you know something? I think his stomach is in his head. Maybe that's why his head is so big... from eating people.

You don't want to sit around to find out, so you make your choice: