"Ok, let me just make
one thing perfectly clear: there WERE NO LINCOLNS!!! None! That was just
a virtual reality simulation cooked up by those two eraserheads we left
a few doors back."
"I understand that, my boy, but this is important! I was just trying to
put your mind at ease by alluding back to a simpler time, when you were
traveling across this great land of ours with all those Lincolns, and in
that Lincoln as it were."
"Well it didn't work at all, you… wait a minute. You were watching me
the whole time on those monitors back there, weren't you? You could've
let me out of there at any time, but you decided to let those aliens
have their way with me, in a totally nonsexual sort of way, didn't you!?
And what's all this talk about this great land of ours? Do you expect me
to believe you're a native with such an over-the-top accent!?"
"But lad, I..."
"Spare me your petty words, chappy." You can't trust this guy at all.
Heck, for all you know, this is all part of some elaborate alien ruse.
Best to put some distance between the two of you, and you know the
perfect way to do that: escape pods. Luckily, your newly-"remembered"
ability to read Alienese should make finding and launching one of the
pods a snap. The alleged mayor runs after you, begging you to return and
fire on the mothership, but call back to him that if he wants that
mothership destroyed, he should do it himself. He catches up to you at
the entrance to one of the pods, but a firm shove puts him just out the
closing doors. You blast off, eager to escape back to earth and begin
your quest to stop the aliens in earnest.
"Man, I can't wait to
get back," you muse. "Maybe they'll name a day of the year after me.
Maybe even a four-day weekend, like those whiny veterans. Then I'd be
beloved by schoolchildren everywhere, and they could introduce me to
their gorgeous, but available, mothers… Yeah, life is sweet."
They say you should never count your chickens before they hatch. Well in
this case, the egg is your escape pod, and the counter is the alien
mothership you blew off, and the counting process itself is your escape
pod being annihilated by one of the mothership's lasers. Boy is their
egg on your face.
