"Now, wait a minute,
just you wait a minute," you sputter, getting spittle all over the
inside of the viewscreen, "Just you want a ding-dang, cotton pickin' New
York minute here!"
"We don't have TIME for you to ascribe colorful countrified epithets to
the quality of the minute you want me to wait, special agent of AIDS
McJohnston!" Mayor Monocle shrieks like an albino weasel getting a
colonoscopy. "SHOOT! SAVE THE EARTH AND SHOOT THE MOTHERSHIP!!"
"No, sir, not yet, not till you clear up for me a small matter of this
here Alien blood upon my sleeve!"
"WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT?!" The mayor wails, his chubby little feet beginning
to tap out a mad fandango.
"I found some alien blood in the cornfield, but if the Aliens were
telling the truth, I was already in their virtual
whateverthethingamajiggy" You state patiently.
"SO WHAT?!"
"And then I used it for experiments and maybe I drank some and maybe I
lost some, I can't be sure anymore what happened in the correct answers
and what happened in the wrong answers."
"STOP THAT!" Mayor Monocle hollers, "STOP BREAKING THE FOURTH
WALL!! YOU MUST NEVER BREAK THE FOURTH WALL IN SPACE OR YOU RISK
EXPLOSIVE DECROMPRESSION!!"
"Whatever," you wisely concede, "But then I got MORE alien blood
when I broke out of the virtual reality room, IF I EVEN DID break
out of the virtual reality room, and now you're telling me that I'm a
super secret agent, which I like, apart from the AIDS name which it
seems to me is just unacceptable that you'd go with that, and supposedly
all I have to do is shoot this mothership and we win."
"YES, GOOD JESUS YES!! DO IT! DO IT!!" The mayor howls
"NO!!!"
thrashing back and forth in his seat much as if he were having a Grand
Mal seizure and wetting himself.
"So the questions are: 1.) What is so important about this Alien Blood
that I keep getting more even though if all of this has been a virtual
reality I've never had any? 2.) WHY are the Aliens and the Blood
PIXILATED? And C.) What the HELL are you getting so all
mighty wigged out about. You sure seem mighty keen on my shooting the
Mothership before I ask any more questions, and I'd like to know why!"
And maybe the mayor would have told you, but at that point you smash
into the Mother Ship which you've been heading toward the entire time
you've been gabbing and die.
