You've been without a car ever since that tranny whore stole it after beating you up and taking your money when you tried to give him/her a "Brazilian bowtie", and you can't afford a plane ticket, so that's right out too. Looks like the only method of transportation left to you is the bus, and that's a long trip you're really not looking forward to. Still, there's the possibility of a hefty reward in it for you. After all, your dear old Great Uncle... Caleb, was it? was so fond of you, you seem to remember. Or maybe that was Uncle Bob with the touchy hands. It's hard to keep them straight (because you make them all so GAY for YOU, oh snap!).

You get yourself a bus ticket and soon enough you're on your way! A couple annoying children behind you are singing stupid songs like "The Wheels on the Bus Go Round and Round" and you want to kill them, oh dear god for want of a sledge hammer, or a brick, or even a dull pencil, but after a while you blissfully manage to tune them out.

And that's when you notice the shirtless man next to you sobbing uncontrollably. You're starting to get a little uncomfortable—I mean, this is kind of a private moment, and you feel like you're intruding a bit, when he turns to you, tears streaming down his face and, his neck a tense mass of knotted muscle, and screams "LIFE SURE DOES GET YA DOWN, SOMETIMES, DOESN'T IT???"

"DOESN'T IT!!??" he repeats with anger in his eyes when you don't immediately answer. "Yu-yes," you stammer, noticeably shaking at this point.

"YEAH, MY WIFE, SHE LEFT ME, THE BITCH. SHE TOOK EVERYTHING. I DIDN'T EVEN GET THE DOG. THE FUCKING DOG. I MEAN, I TOTALLY HATED THAT DOG, IT WAS A YAPPY LITTLE POODLE, BUT STILL, IT WOULD HAVE BEEN NICE TO HAVE SOMETHING, YA KNOW? I COULD HAVE LEARNED TO LOVE IT, THAT DOG. JUST ME AND MR. BIPSY, FACING LIFE TOGETHER ONE DAY AT A TIME."

You nod in nervous agreement, noticing for the first time what he's holding in his hands. "IN FACT, THE ONLY THING SHE DID LEAVE ME WAS THIS STUPID POWER DRILL!" he exclaims. "STUPID, STUPID DRILL!"

Before you can even assure him that it's a very nice power drill, he emits a shrill shriek and drills a hole into his temple, causing blood to gush out all over you as his lifeless head falls into your lap, still wobbling as the drill continues to spin its course.

Aaaaand you sort of forget about your Great Uncle's fortune after that, what with you spending the rest of your life in a mental ward, constantly haunted by nightmares of the twitching head in your lap (not the tranny whore).

HEY, AT LEAST YOU DIDN'T DIE! YOU'RE JUST A COMPLETE FAILURE!
START OVER!