Say, who's in the mood for some fun Christmas Crafts??? You are? Glad to hear it cuz so am I! Now making a ginger bread house for the holidays might be fun for some people, but personally, I would much rather make my very own miniature mutant killer snowman. Unfortunately, there are no "MAKE YOUR OWN MINIATURE MUTANT KILLER SNOWMAN!" kits out there, so I'm going to be making this up as we go along. When it's all said 'n done, hopefully my plans to create a damned good replica of the mini-Jacks from Jack Frost 2 will be realized.

First off, you're gonna need some basic supplies. Now most of this shit you can find at any local crafts shop... hell, even K-Mart probably carries all of this stuff. I bought a can of Santa Snow spray for 99 cents - I'm sure you've used the stuff before to write things like "HAPPY HOLIDAYS!", "MERRY CHRISTMAS!", and "HELP! WE'RE BEING HELD HOSTAGE! CALL 911!" on your windows during the holiday seasons. Next on the list is a couple o' styrofoam eggs and balls of varying sizes. It goes without saying that these will be used for the bodies of your mini-Jacks. Then there's a Christms Drape, which is really just like a big piece of cotton that people put on their tables for decoration sometimes. And finally, there are some solid black eyes which we'll be using to... yep, you guessed it... give them eyes! You'll need a few other basic supplies that you probably already have lying around the house... sewing needle, thread, cotton balls, and push pins.

Right off the bat, you should push the eyes into the styrofoam egg. Having the eyes in place will make it easier for you to decide where the arms and the mouth of your mini-Jack will go. It's kinda cool how something simple as two little black eyes can bring a piece of styrofoam to life.

Next step, grab yourself a box-cutter and hijack a plane to... er wait, wrong directions. Grab a box-cutter / exacto-knife and carve your mini-jack a mouth. I carved mine a big smile because there's something funny about a vicious killer with a winning smile. Good stuff indeed.

Now take your Christmas Drape and cut out two semi-long hot dog shaped pieces and then put a couple cotton balls inside them. 2 or 3 cotton balls will usually be more than enough. From there, fold over one half of the drape so that it covers the cotton balls completely on both sides.

And now it's sewing time! All you have to do is sew the edges of the drape until it's completely sealed off all the way around so that the cotton balls won't fall out. Now I suck at sewing but luckily Re is a master of it, so she showed me what to do. I still poked my fingers with the needle several times though, damnit. Once it's all said 'n done, you should have a pair of dandy looking mini-Jack snowman arms.

Putting on the arms is pretty easy... just take a couple of push pins (the smaller the better) and stick them through the arms and into your mini-Jack body on both sides.

Would you look at that, it's already looking almost perfect! But you're not done yet. He still looks like a piece of styrofoam, so we're gonna have to give mini-Jack a nifty snow effect.

Take your can of Santa Snow spray and carefully spray it all around your mini-Jack. Don't worry about getting it on his eyes because the stuff rubs off real easily. Be careful not to spray too much on your mini-Jack though, because he can quickly go from looking like a little snowball of doom, to a snowball that just starred in a bukkake porno. If you do spray too much snow onto one area, just take a tissue and dab it around so that it spreads out more evenly.

Here it is my friends, a fucking masterpiece of Xmas glee if I do say so myself!

I was so happy with how the first mini-Jack came out, that I decided to do a few more, just to see what I could come up with.

So I had this nice round ball o' styrofoam and after seeing the mini-Jacks chowing down on some hearty human flesh, I just had to have one with chomping-jaw-action. There's a few ways to do this depending on what supplies you have, but the best way to do it if you don't have any extra supplies is to just create two large angled cuts so that you can move the top of the head like a see-saw.

From there, attach arms on both sides of the body while making sure that there are pins inserted into both the top and bottom pieces. Those pins are gonna be the only things that will hold the body together. The chomping action is already working pretty nicely, but right now he'd only be "gumming" a person to death. This lil' Jack needs some teeth!

A quick run to the grocery store for a box of 99 cent "Nice 'n Elegant" clear plastic forks, and you'll have more teeth for your mini-Jack than you could possibly need.

Simply chop off the tips of the forks and stick 'em into the top and bottom of your mini-Jack's mouth. 4 or 5 fork bits on top and bottom should do nicely, but feel free to put in as many forks as you want.

BADASS CHOMPING-JAW-ACTION!

It was a total success. This little mini-Jack would be dining on many-a-corpse in the near future. Still, I had a bunch of forks left over and one more tiny styrofoam egg, so what the hell... I made one more.

Using pieces from the forks, I gave this mini-Jack an icicle mohawk so awesome that it would make any Hot Topic store frequenter shit in his baggy little pants. And if that didn't get the job done, I poured some fake blood all over his mouth. Or was it real? I guess that's something you'll never know.

So I had successfully completed three killer mini-Jack's, each with their own story to tell. It was now time to put them on display. So I spread out the remaining Christmas Drape and then sprinkled it with some Frosty Snow (which is probably the same totally fake looking snow which they used throughout the first Jack Frost movie. Actually, it looks a little better than that. Kinda sad, eh?)

So there you are, three happy mini-Jacks to warm your hearts... and then eat them. I hope you've all enjoyed this "Make Your Own Mini-Jack" Christmas Craft Special o' mine. All I can say now is that Martha Stewart is my bitch.

the end.

-RoG-

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