Ahhh... educational films. Without them, our lives would be full of
chaos and carnage, wouldn't they? You bet they would. Fortunately,
educators of the past have left us with these wonderful life-saving
nuggets of information about how to live our lives like model citizens.
And what screams model citizen more than your average skater? Whether you
grew up skating on a Powell Peralta board or a Nash, chances
are you had your fair share of skateboard related injuries. Well my
friends, perhaps if you had seen this vintage skating safety video from
circa 1975, you could've avoided those injuries altogether. But you've got
a long life ahead of you... plenty of years left to skate and grind. But
before you make those speed wheels scream once more, let's go
over some of the lessons learned in "Skateboard Sense". Not only
will it make you a safer skater, it will make you a better person too!
Golly!
So do you wanna be able
to pull off sweet moves like this?
How about this?
Or even this?
Hold it right there,
crackerjack. Before you grab your crotch and spin like a whirlin' dervish,
you gotta learn how to skate with safety! And just how can you learn?
Don't worry, we've brought in the master of safety...
Meet Tom. He's the Executive
Director of the Pro/Am Skateboard Racing Association. While to some of
you, that might sound as impressive as a kid saying that he's king of
the treehouse, you still had better listen to him. Think of Tom as
your skateboarding safety guru who will guide you away from deadly harm
while you're thrashing about on the streets. Sure you're gonna fall down,
but he can show you how, with the proper gear, you can fall down right.
When it comes to protecting
your body, the most important thing to protect is your head, so wearing a
helmet is a must. The members of the Pro/Am Skateboard Racing Association
believe their heads are so important that they protect them with the same
oversized helmet that you'd see the human cannonball guy at the circus
wear. Hey, skateboarding can be just as dangerous as getting shot
out of a cannon, believe you me! Oh and uh, protect your elbows and knees
with pads too unless you enjoy the sensation of having them scraped over
the asphalt at high speeds.
Tom informs us that by
wearing the safety apparel he has more confidence while riding his
skateboard and can therefore go faster and do more tricks. Tricks like his
patented butt-slide maneuver. Obviously, this trick demonstrates just how
early skateboarding was heavily influenced by surfing, but when done on
land, it's a butt-slide in my book.
Now if you're one of those
hotshots who thinks he/she doesn't need safety equipment, well you had
better listen up right now and listen up good. You're gonna fall down, and
when you do, you'll hurt yourself. The following long chain of events is
what usually happens to those who disregard all safety precautions:
You'll go fast, eventually
fall down and hurt your knee. You see that extra close-up of the kid
rubbing his knee that they threw in there? That's to help emphasize just
how much PAIN you're in store for when you think you're too cool to
wear safety gear. Oh, but the pain gets worse...
Next, you'll hop back on
that skateboard only to fall down again, this time hurting your hands
instead. The kid is rubbing in that fake blood into the palm of his hand
with great vigor so that you'll know the kind of agony that
awaits you, mister big shot. You gettin' scared now? Huh? Ok bucko, let's
see how you handle this next part!
You think your nonchalant
approach to skateboarding will only harm you? Think again! When you skate
without safety equipment, you're also a danger to everybody else around
you! Because this kid wasn't wearing safety gear, he ran into a
pedestrian! That poor lady didn't know what hit her, and now her groceries
are scattered all over the ground. Way to go!
Actually, this kid just
appears to have narcolepsy, because that's the only explanation I can come
up with for his randomly falling backwards like that. But who knows...
maybe you have narcolepsy too and don't know it! Are you really willing to
take that chance!?
ARE YOU!?!?!?
"This is the way it
usually goes and it really isn't that much fun to fall down and get hurt
all the time and everybody will hate you!" Did you read that last
part? If you don't wear the proper safety gear, EVERYBODY WILL HATE
YOU. Yeah, that's what Tom said and he knows what he's talking
about! You think they just give any random guy the title Executive
Director of the Pro/Am Skateboard Racing Association? I think not!
And look!
The kid almost got hit by
that guy's car simply because he wasn't wearing his safety gear! Not only
did he almost die right there, but that guy surely hates him now as
evidenced the chase around the car and down the street. The guy hates the
kid for not wearing his safety gear, that is, not because the kid just
darted out into the street. I just felt I should clear that up in case you
were confused by the situation. Don't worry, there's no misguided hatred
going on here!
Tom goes on to inform us
that if we wear gloves on our hands, they'll be protected when we fall
too. Wanna hear the good news? You don't even have to buy official
skateboarding gloves! Any gloves will work - even gardening gloves! Just
look at this kid, he appears to have snatched a pair of gloves that only
an ironsmith would wear. Sure, his hands may look like those of a
sasquatch at first glance, but at least he's safe!
Oh, and when you're checking
your trucks and wheels to make sure they're not too loose, you don't have
to wear your gloves. I guess Tom was just being safe there at first by
wearing his gardening gloves, but when he realized there was no danger, he
was able to take them off. So now that you've got your board checked out
and ready to roll, you need to find a safe, fun place to ride!
One place you definitely
don't want to go riding is on a crowded street. Tom says you just can't
have any fun skating on a sidewalk or crowded streets. He's got a point
there you know... have you ever seen somebody skating on a sidewalk and
having fun? I sure haven't! I don't think any skater has ever ventured
into such hazardous territory before. And why? Because sooner or later
you're going to run into something or somebody. This kid got lucky when he
ran into the guy. Instead of pummeling the kid for knocking over his
supplies, the man just laughed at him.
DO YOU WANT TO BE LAUGHED AT BY
A MAN WITH THIS MUCH FACIAL HAIR?
Do yourself a favor and find
a nice smooth, wide-open area instead of having to worry about pedestrians
with lots of facial hair. That's how you have fun skateboarding!
I guess it's also fun to
watch some slow-motion close-up shots of Tom's ass as he skates between
traffic cones. Don't question it kids, this is EDUCATION.
Tom would like to explain...
the impact forces... of the fall. If you know how to fall properly you can
avoid being hurt altogether! Simply relax, turn your head away from the
fall and absorb the impact on the meaty parts of your body such as your
upper arms thighs. Then all you gotta do, is roll like a human bowling
ball and you'll be safe as can be! I'm sure it goes without saying that
you shouldn't practice this falling technique on a busy sidewalk either.
Thanks for all the advice
Tom! I'm ready to hit the asphalt and skate like a pro! Oh, by the way
man... the next time you make an educational film, hire a new boom mic
operator. I'm pretty sure that dude was baked. Gnarly! See ya on the
half-pipe, bro!
And that's all for the
Skateboard Sense film. While it was an unusually tame / positive film
by Sid Davis, it's still a lot of fun to watch and extremely educational.
I don't kow about you guys, but I learned a lot today. "Know your roots"
as they say... well skaters, your roots involved gardening gloves and it's
time to bring them back into style.
