by: Dr. Boogie

Friday the 13th is one of the most enduring horror series. The idea of a group of summer camp coeds being hunted down by a maniac works so well, but what if you streamlined that setup? Let's say, hypothetically, you wanted to get rid of all the unnecessary elements of Friday the 13th so you can get to the horror all the faster.

We can get rid of the summer camp part. We can remove all the children from the equation. We can even ditch the part about the killer being someone memorable. So after all that, we have a horror movie that takes place near a lake where some guy kills coeds. Sure, it may not be a movie that scares anyone, and it may not be a movie that anyone remembers, but it's still a movie. A movie called Sleepover Nightmare.

Our story begins just outside of the Koksilah "Institute for the Criminally Insane". A prisoner is being loaded into one of the institute's unmarked prisoner transport minivans. Accompanying him is a doctor, an inattentive guard, and a driver who likes to screw with other people on the road.

The driver is having a grand time of preventing the car behind from passing him. Eventually, the other driver manages to pass him on the shoulder. With his jackass maneuver a success, the driver turns around to brag to the guard:

"Nice Ferrari, great legs!"

"DAAAAAAUUUUGH!"

It's just his luck that he has to veer off the road right as he's hitting a sweet jump. Still, I can't help but feel that the semi bears some responsibility for driving down an unpaved country road with its lights turned off. Is that the standard for driving in British Columbia?

The inside of the minivan is a wreck. The driver and the guard are both unconscious, and what's worse, the prisoner's cuffs have somehow come undone. They really ought to think about spending more on security at the Koksilah Hotel... I mean, Institute for the Criminally Insane.

They should probably look into hiring some new staff, too.

Presenting... Sleepover Nightmare, a Boon Collins joint. In addition to writing the film, Boon Collins also directed, produced, mismanaged, bungled, and fucked up the movie. If that doesn't get him into SAG, I don't know what will.

Time to meet our victims. First up, we have Karli, and her transparently philandering boyfriend, Dwight. Next, we have the two stoners, Rick and Harry. They've all traveled to their friend Shannon's lake house in "Gnarly Oaks" to have a totally radical time, dude! Dwight especially is interested in seeing her. He's definitely not interested in seeing Rick and Harry. In fact, he hates the two of them so much you'd swear they were all still in high school.

Nevertheless, there is some serious partying going down at Shannon's place. We're talking food, drinks, water skiing, trampolines, even volleyball. A serve goes wide, and one of the players goes to retrieve the ball from the nearby lake.

Psh, more like "Peripheral Vision Nightmare", right?

Meanwhile...

Shannon is absolutely taken by Dwight's resemblance to Alex Winter. She heads over to flirt openly with Dwight, while simultaneously sending thinly-veiled threats at Karli. The gears slowly start to turn in Karli's head that maybe Dwight is the kind of guy who gets around.

Elsewhere at the party, the killer has shed his orange jumpsuit in favor of the guard's uniform. Now he's hiding in the trees, transfixed by a girl jumping on a trampoline. It's a sight that holds great significance for him. It doesn't mean anything to those of us in the audience, but that's what flashbacks are for.

Seven years earlier, our killer (whose named is revealed to be "Ron") is without his flowing locks, instead preferring to dress like a greaser. He's at a party with his girlfriend, Loretta, but he seems to have lost track of her. He asks around, and the word is that he should check Tommy's car. Who's Tommy?

Tommy's the guy screwing his girlfriend. Incredibly, Tommy actually says, "it's not what it looks like!" Ron kicks Tommy in the face and yanks him out of the car.

Ron proceeds to carry out brutal revenge on Tommy, smashing his face with the car door, and then taking him around back to smash his face on the car's tailfin. Loretta's screaming has attracted a crowd. A few people in the crowd politely ask Ron to stop killing Tommy, but to no avail.

With Tommy out of the picture, Ron grabs Loretta, throws her in his car, and peels out.

Some guy, completely oblivious to the brutal beating that has just taken place, just happens to be nonchalantly emptying a beer can right in the path of Ron's car. Ron runs him down, and the others look shocked. I wonder if the guy even realizes that he's been run over.

Ron is on a roll, so for his next target, he decides to run over a campfire. Unfortunately, someone built a ramp in front of that campfire. The car flips, and then explodes for some reason. It looks like a tremendous explosion, but Ron is able to crawl out of the wreckage. Not Loretta, though.

"Loretta... Loretta... Loretta... Loretta... Loretta..."

So you can see how a girl on a trampoline would remind him of the time he killed three people and flipped his 'vette, right?

Getting back to the present, Shannon is stepping up her advances.

She asks to "cut in" while Karli is dancing with Dwight, and uses the opportunity to ask Dwight to the tool shed. Karli, who is not more than three feet away, still isn't putting the pieces together. Dwight excuses himself to go bang Shannon, opting to leave Karli in the care of Harry, the stoner he derided just minutes earlier.

So the happy couple parts ways. At the tool shed, Shannon surprises Dwight, first with a sudden throat grab, then with his "back-to-school present":

For a horror film, the movie is surprisingly conservative when it comes to T and A. We did see some fully-clothed, R-rated humping in Ron's flashback, but that's as far as it goes.

So they do it. Little do they realize, Ron is watching them through the window.

Karli is no better off. Harry tries to impress her by showing that he has no rhythm. When that doesn't work, he offers to take her for a walk while they wait for Dwight and Shannon to finish having sex. Karli is reluctant at first, preferring to stand alone at a party with a bunch of people she doesn't know, but she eventually caves.

Having finally wrapped things up, Shannon emerges from the tool shed, whereupon she encounters groundskeeper Jimmy. Jimmy is Irish, as if the cap and green plaid shirt didn't give him away, and one thing about Irish people: they don't like people fornicating in their tool sheds.

He came by the shed to grab a huge metal spike, which he calls a "crowbar", so he can make some pilot holes.

Unfortunately, Ron is planning on making some pilot holes of his own. While Jimmy is distracted by some disrespectful college kids, Ron grabs the spike. Amazingly, no one sees or hears him doing this, even though the sun is out, and the kids were looking in his direction. This guy is good.

Harry and Karli, meanwhile, have reached the sauna. Therein, we meet three new characters: Sara, Yvonne, and Quinn. Don't bother remembering their names. They're only here for two reasons, one being to hint at Dwight's history of unfaithfulness.

Here's the other reason: The three of them wander off somewhere, and Quinn excuses himself for a quick bathroom break. Ron is kind enough to let him finish...

So not only is Quinn dead, but Ron stole his hat!

I guess he wanted to look less intimidating.

There's still more of Sleepover Nightmare to see!
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