I've Decided I'm Happy to Never Have a Girlfriend

[James]

Because the last thing I want to do to a girl who I claim to care about, is treat her like all boyfriends apparently treat their girls; Like shit. :/

If I ever have a girlfriend, I wouldn't want to cheat on her, or take her for granted, or abuse her, or exploit her insecurities to do my bidding, or make her my slave, or anything like that. But they all seem like natural phases of a relationship. So fuck that. If I like a girl, she means too much to me for me to be the one to hurt her.

Besides, I'd rather them think of me as a good friend, than a bad (ex)boyfriend. Someone who they know they can trust, and who cares about them, and who they never have to worry about treating like number 2, or 4, or 16. Who they can just expect to be waiting for them like a puppy at the front door, after they're done talking to their REAL friends, and their shit boyfriends who they LOVE and FUCK and want to be with FOREVER.

Yes, I'm perfectly fine being a good friend. Beats the hell out of being the guy she cries to the good friend about. Right?

Now I'm angry and sad.

[AChimp]

You are more messed up than me. And that makes me feel FINE. :)

[James]

Well, I do aim to please. I just wish I could feel fine as well. :(

[Geggy]

Dude, you need to get laid, that's for sure.

[Royal Tenenbaum]

"If I ever have a girlfriend, I wouldn't want to cheat on her, or take her for granted, or abuse her, or exploit her insecurities to do my bidding, or make her my slave, or anything like that. But they all seem like natural phases of a relationship."

Yes, every relationship has that. :rolleyes

[punkgrrrlie10]

I think most people go through one of those relationships and then learn their lesson hopefully and then go for someone who won't take them for granted. So you are safe to go out with a girl after they've had that relationship, but beware if you haven't had that one.

[Perndog]

James just doesn't think he's capable of getting a girl to want to be with him, so he uses this justification to prevent himself from getting too frustrated.

[Helm]

Touching women is gross :)

[Dole]

I take issue with the title of this thread. James is never happy.

[Jeanette X]

James, not every relationship is like the ones you describe. Your female friends just don't seem to have a lot of self-respect...that's why they stay with those shit losers. :(
The shit you describe isn't the "natural" course of a normal relationship. Its the course of an emotionally abusive relationship.
You need to find a girl who has enough self-respect not to put up with shit like that, and then you need to date her and treat her well.

[Royal Tenenbaum]

I agree; the women James hangs out with are obviously losers. :)

[James]

I don't need to date anybody. I am very much aware that I am not capable of providing and receiving the things I would want and need from a relationship. And on top of that, I couldn't bring myself to be someone as such to a girl I cared about.

I'd much rather see a girl I like dating some loser who is NOT me, rather than me being the loser she's dating, and hurting her. At least from the safety of my position is Just A Friend, I can always be the good guy. And that's something to be happy about.

[AChimp]

Ah, I get it now. You're an uppity wuss who thinks he's the greatest/most sensitive/most caring/etc guy in the world (since any guy that a girl is dating MUST OBVIOUSLY be mistreating her somehow :rolleyes ).

If you are incapable of providing and receiving the things you want in a relationship, you either have unrealistic demands of said relationship or aren't emotionally mature enough to handle one. >:

[James]

If I was the greatest/most sensitive/most caring/etc guy in the world, then I'd be saying I deserve a girlfriend, you retard. I wouldn't be saying that I know I'd hurt them.

I'm incapable of getting and giving what I want in a relationship, because I know myself and my situation. I know that any relationship I would be successful in starting, wouldn't last. So why bother? I'm not interested in a relationship if I know that it's going to end, and badly.

[AChimp]

Because the last thing I want to do to a girl who I claim to care about, is treat her like all boyfriends apparently treat their girls; Like shit

Yeah, but by stating that, you're basically saying, "well, if I were her boyfriend, I wouldn't treat her like THAT, but since I'm not perfect by any means, I'd probably fuck it all up." It doesn't matter if you don't want a girlfriend or not, you've still got the superiority complex happening.

I agree, there are quite a few guys who treat girls like shit, but to paint everyone with the same brush is gay. You're assuming that just because a) it's a girl that you like and b) that girl is currently unavailable, whoever she is with is doing a bad job of heaping money, time and affection on her since it doesn't appear that she is happy 100% of the time.

NOBODY IS HAPPY 100% OF THE TIME. :(

[James]

Nah, you're just reading too much into this.

9 times out of 10, I make threads in here as a reaction to something specific, rather than making a generalization (despite sometimes making comments that do, in fact, generalize). Haven't you ever heard a story about, say, a school shooting or something, and said "What the fuck is wrong with people?" You make a comment that is obviously a generalization, but in the context of your own mind, you are aware that you aren't including everyone.

In this case, a girl I know (who I don't like in that way... yet), found out that her boyfriend of two years is currently looking for a girlfriend on an online dating site. Which, needless to say, came as quite a shock to her. I've officially known too many girls who have or had shitty boyfriends.

I'm not saying that if I like a girl, and she has a boyfriend, he must be an ass. I'm not saying that money + time + affection = being boyfriend material. I'm just saying that I'm at the age where teenage romance no longer applies, and I (as well as any girl willing to have me should) demand more of myself before I consider myself able to give and get from someone what we'd both need in a serious relationship. And that also means I'm not saying that if I was so-and-so's boyfriend, I'd treat her better. I was saying that if I was someone's boyfriend, I probably WOULD end up being an asshole, for all I know.

[FartinMowler]

How can I have a relationship for twelve years (married two children) and your life seem's more complicated and your alone?

[Anonymous]

My friend was dating a psychopath who found out he was listed on an online dating site. Thing is, he hadn't touched the site in years. And she was psycho anyway.

Therefore, your friend is psycho and her boyfriend hasn't gone to Friendster in years. Case closed.

[James]

She said the profile was updated recently.

[Anonymous]

No, I'm correct.

[NakedChinchilla]

My girlfriend makes me want to smash my face in with a brick. :/
but that's not necissarily a bad thing.

[Schimid]

In your case, no, it isn't.

[NakedChinchilla]

mwuahahaha...

[JeefGyle]

The reason that you believe 9 times out of 10 a boyfriend is a raging pile of shit is because like you said yourself, "You want to be the good friend." So my guess is that you already are the "good friend" and hear nothing but the bitching girls do about their boyfriends. So you make a bold generalization that men are assholes to girls. So fuck you, and die of cancer.

[James]

Go back and reread the first paragraph in my last reply, you dumb shit.

[JeefGyle]

She said the profile was updated recently.


Now what?