How not to offend women / seem old fashioned

[Jixby Phillips]

I SAY THIS BECAUSE CURRENTLY YOU MOST LIEKLY DOING THE OPPOSITE.

THIS IS BECAUSE YOU ARE A NERD AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND GIRLS.

I WILL EXPLAIN THEM TO YOU, STARTING WITH THE BASICS.

1. GIRLS LIKE TO WEAR THINGS WITH NO LEGS.

2. THE SMALLER SOMETHING IS, THE CUTER IT IS, THIS IS WHY ON DATES I PRETEND TO BE REALLY TINY AND TALK IN A SERIES OF SQUEEKS.

3. GIRLS TAKE THERE CLOTHES OFF AT THE DROP OF A HAT ONCE PRESENTED WITH A FLORAL ARRANGEMENT.

4. GIRLS TAKE ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING YOU SAY LITERALLY... LITERALLY

5. GIRLS FIND IT HARD TO MAKE SENSE OF MACHINES THAT DO NOT ASSIST IN THE PREPARATION OR CONSUMPTION OF FOOD.

6. GIRLS ARE OFFENDED BY ANYTHING THAT IS NOT DESIGNED BY OR FOR CHILDREN.

7. SOMETIMES GIRLS CAN SLAP EACH OTHER WITH THE HANDS.

8. GIRLS ARE KNOWN TO USE THE TOILET FOR REASONS OTHER THAN THE EXPRESS PURPOSES OF UNRINATION OR DEFFACATION.

9. GIRLS SUFFER FROM A VISUAL DEFECT THAT MAKES DOGGIES AND KITTIES APPEAR AS PEOPLE.

10. A GIRL CAN NEVER BE TOOO SKINNY, UNLESS OF COURSE
THAT GIRL IS NOT YOU

(BY MISTER FART)