Story I wrote

[Drew Katsikas]

Thanks, FS. I appreciate constructive criticism alot. I only quoted Hemingway to show that unrealistic dialouge (Proto says too stupid to be believeable) can add a surrealistic sensation to a story. I used his example to show that it's not some bullshit that I came up with, but something I'm trying to imitate. I wasn't comparing myself, and I don't give any indication that I am. So Glowbelly, I don't really think you should claim that, as I'm just trying to express my influences to make my technique seem at least marginally credible.

The whole story is a loosely based attempt to rewrite chapter whatever of Genesis, Adam and Eve. These two men sin: fornicate with the lady (she's supposed to be the snake, but with an element of lust added to the craftiness) and kill her. Just as in the story, the one man becames suddenly aware and ashamed of his nudity and deed, and puts on clothing. Then the two men start a fire. The fire is not needed if the sun was out. Man's passion and free will is not needed if there was no original sin. I tried to connect these ideas, but it's near impossible to know that unless you wrote it yourself, or I told you, which is why I'm going to add the said introduction. Hopefully I can try to emulate the Bible's story and add farmiliar elements of the story (the apple tree).
So, the main argument between the men is whether they would prefer complete free will and passion (the fire) or the order and restraint of God (Sun) The man said you can't look at the sun or your eyes get burnt. As said in the Old Testament, if you see God, you die. The men come to the conclusion that it's too late,and there must be a mix, but each man still prefers one or the other. They decide there's nothing more to speak about, and they begin talking about casual life to abruptly end an ontological discussion.
Perhaps I failed at communicating this properly, so I'm going to add the intro and rework what has already been written.