life with the parental units.

[sadie]

the sun is shining here after days of wet gloom. i'm choosing to see it as a sign. so, nyuh, you cynics.

my best friend/lover/musical partner of the past year recently told me that he thinks it's pathetic that people to communicate with other people on the internet. like it's a last-ditch attempt to find friends. don't you love it when people who've never experienced something sweepingly condemn it? sigh.

my mom told me last night that she had a dream i was standing in this room with a chest of drawers, and i was banging my head on the top drawer over and over. blood was spurting. but she could see my abdomen--"where your spirit man is," she said--was swollen and inflamed. and this demon was over to the side, rolling and crying in laughter. she said it was about my trying to fix my problems, killing myself trying to make everything okay, and i didn't even realize where the pain was really coming from: my spirit.

i've been trying to tame my mind. i end up spiraling downward into depressingly murky waters every time i allow myself to just-think. so i've started trying to cut off those negative thought patterns. it's damn hard, especially right before and after sleeping. i've been reading myself to sleep every night to solve the pre-obsessing. but the post- is the worst. the other morning i imagined i had this big rubber stamp with the word STOP on it. every time a thought would come into my head, i'd stamp all over it. i know it's stupid. but it kinda worked. and it made me laugh. so.