I'm gonna write...

[McMock]

You're a teenage boy, I'm guessing. You're going to write for other teenage boys. Understand your audience, that's the first step. What do teenage boys want? They want to wank. All day and night.

Put tits in there. But here's the trick. Don't put them on the cover. Their mums will see them. Put one picture in the book, and put it somewhere near the end. Big, round, huge tits. One on each page.

I can't guarantee you that your book will sell because of this. You'll need something more. For starters, the teenage boys aren't going to buy the book unless they know the tits are there. You're gonna have to figure something out for that. Come on. Don't fret. I've already done pretty much everything else.

Good luck, my friend. I hope you become a grand novelist!