WTF? isn't this site run by a geek?

[Helm]

2. This was bad, because the infection resulted in a large ingrown sack of terribly smelling green oozy pus, which not only hampered his movement, thus making his solitary trips from kitchen to basement all the more difficult, but also proved to be the source of even more grief when his mother, having not seen him in his pasty-white complexion glory for at least a good 3 years thought he was a burglar and pushed him down the stairs. On the last step, he landed swolen-penis first and resulted in a release which boris (which is bartman's real name) can only describe as the most - and only - erotic experience of his miserable life.