Your introductions to your paragraphs are redundant and don't draw the reader in. It doesn't make the reader want to read, which is probably why I didn't waste my god damn time.
FAILED YOU FUCKING TWAT!
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Gas and masturbation are highly unlikely to be connected with each other. Have you tried to stop masturbating? Has the gas subsided as a result? Perhaps you could try the same experiment by increasing the times you masturbate daily. Do you notice that the gas is increasing?