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Mockery Mockery is offline
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Old Jul 7th, 2005, 01:07 AM        NEW SHORT: "STUPID TOYS!"
Every now and then, toy companies decide to throw out all logic and reason just to make a quick buck. This is the first installment in a new series of Shorts that I'll be doing from time to time which will cover some of the stupidest toys ever created.



NEW SHORT: "STUPID TOYS!"
http://www.i-mockery.com/shorts/stupid-toys

Enjoy!
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Old Jul 7th, 2005, 01:09 AM       
The Justice Jogger is fucking classic.
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Zbu Manowar Zbu Manowar is offline
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Old Jul 7th, 2005, 03:45 AM       
I'll admit it: I had both the Cobra Pogo and both He-Man Battle Horses. The Pogo suckered me in because I wanted the then-new Cobra Commander with battle armor and he was marketed with the Pogo. Plus it was $10 at the time and since Mom and Dad were footing the bill for some reason, I got that from a local Ben Franklin's. Sadly, I think they had the Inhumanoids figure that was those two lava guys that meshed into one but he was too expensive. Ah, the pain of nostagia.

And the Battle Horses I got for free when my older cousin traded and got two extra. What's even dumber about these horses is that they were put into an odd 'bowing' posture and could not be moved for anything. You couldn't even pretend they were cool. They just looked damn weak and always fell over. I think they were marketed for the Fisto/JuJistu figures which was another dumb toy idea: hey, kungfu grip with BIG ASS HANDS! You couldn't do that nowadays, JuJitsu would be considered racist because...well, he looks like a pissed off Cheech Marin who took up karate after jacking off made his hand swell. And the golden glove he used for pimping just stuck on there.

Still, even with all of this, I was never pathetic enough to own a Love Boat Figure. The only thing that comes close to that is my grandparents used to buy gifts at this dollar store up North circa 1985 that was truly hell: one Christmas I got a grab bag full of bizarre Up North shit that featured MASH action figures (same size as GI Joe)--sadly, I got about three Klingers that all were destroyed in a few weeks out of pure spite--and a Menudo action 'doll' that came complete with bad plastic hair and removable clothes. My sister used it as the naked waiter bitch to the Barbies until one July 4th we utterly destroyed it by constantly putting it on top of fireworks until it was missing limbs and was charred black. Also of note: this 'doll' came with a tiny record which supposedly held a Menudo record. We never played it, just broke it 'accidentally' a few days later.
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Old Jul 7th, 2005, 06:36 AM       
Awesome short, especially the justice jogger. Incredibly dumb and useless.

My choice for one of the dumbest toys ever created... http://store.yahoo.com/wickedcoolstu...freudacfi.html
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Old Jul 7th, 2005, 07:13 PM       
Quote:
Originally Posted by Zbu Manowar
and a Menudo action 'doll' that came complete with bad plastic hair and removable clothes. My sister used it as the naked waiter bitch to the Barbies until one July 4th we utterly destroyed it by constantly putting it on top of fireworks until it was missing limbs and was charred black. Also of note: this 'doll' came with a tiny record which supposedly held a Menudo record. We never played it, just broke it 'accidentally' a few days later.
Damn that thing sounds pretty fantastic. I mean come on... it's Menudo!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Geggy
Awesome short, especially the justice jogger. Incredibly dumb and useless.

My choice for one of the dumbest toys ever created... http://store.yahoo.com/wickedcoolstu...freudacfi.html
Nah, those toys are intentionally silly... I'm talkin about the toys that are unintentionally absurd.
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Old Jul 20th, 2005, 04:27 AM       
http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll...ayphotohosting
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Zbu Manowar Zbu Manowar is offline
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Old Jul 20th, 2005, 09:37 PM       
I got a few more He-Man vehicles that were stupid as hell in hindsight:

ROTOR: It was this stupid cylinderical thing that made this horrible noise when you moved it. When you moved it thanks to a single wheel within the base, this red ring moved and it was just a noisy piece of junk. Came out the same time the Road Ripper was out.

DRAGON WALKER: How could something that looked so cool move so stupidly? Seriously, the part you sat the figure in looked cool but all it did was move down its track slow as hell, then turn and move off at another angle. Why bother? Just go out and by the Battle Ram complete with Sky Sled and be done with it.
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Old Jul 21st, 2005, 04:10 AM       
that reminded me of Alabama Man. He drinks beer and bowls! ALABAMA MAN!

=PPP
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Old Jul 21st, 2005, 10:59 AM       
Isaac can use the Pogo to kill Whitey.
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Old Jul 21st, 2005, 12:33 PM       
Zero :O
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Old Jul 21st, 2005, 02:59 PM       
omg
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Old Jul 22nd, 2005, 07:32 PM       
The guy selling the King Kong Thronester also has some other unbelievably stupid toys for sale, my personal favorite being this one:

http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll...Name=WDVW&rd=1
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Old Jul 24th, 2005, 02:39 AM       
Hobo killing missiles sound way cooler than HOBO missiles.

Was ROTOR that one that had the buzzsaw blade around it?
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Old Jul 24th, 2005, 11:45 PM       
That Ballistic Ball would be awesome if it's instructions didn't look so strange
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Old Jul 25th, 2005, 02:43 PM       
lol the justice jogger sux lol.
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Old Jul 26th, 2005, 09:16 PM       
Quote:
Originally Posted by pjalne
Zero :O
Eh? :/
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