God Be With Us, I'm a Father Pt. 1

[McClain]

I decided to usher in paternity by desisting one of my favorite pastimes, the lung-blackening quintessential labor of love that I've condoned since the day I started.
In the back of my mind I knew that on a long enough time-line the road would come to an end and all the love I felt for cigarettes would come screeching to a halt. But before the curtain falls, may I please reinforce my affinity for you, oh Faithful Tobacco, the Magical Grit?
In the words of Milli Vanilli, "It's a tragedy to see that our dream is over." Listen, I'm sorry I have to break up with you... But it's not you, it's me! You know? I've changed lately, and I just don't think we're going anywhere. I mean, I've cherished the time we spent together, but I just can't go on.
I will never forget you, Cigarettes.


This better be a good kid, because dammit, I'm giving up some pretty important shit here. I just smoked my last Marlboro, and I vowed not to buy another pack of cigs. Now I'm left with a package of Top tobacco and 14 papers. Once that is gone, it's over.