Feb 27th, 2007, 09:39 PM
Chojin and Lenor's Poetry Thread
Lenor: ut oh i just wrote a poem :/
Lenor: wanna see it?
Chojin: sup
Lenor: i just wrote it like the one minute ago
Chojin: i mean yes
Lenor: i hate myself today.. the lonliness that i derive,
from never giving in...
my heart is made of glass, the feelings disapeared..
your only just an image in my imaginary state
the needle breaks me down, yet your always on my arm,
the feeling never disapeares, yet i cry each and every day.
Lenor: what ya think?
Chojin: you didn't follow haiku prose at all
Lenor: its not a haiku
Chojin: i'll say!
Lenor: which would explain the format
Lenor: honestly, does it suck? need more work? throw it away?
Lenor: frame it ?
Lenor: what
Chojin: it's a little cliche
Lenor: its a little cliche ? when I wrote it in 4 seconds?
Chojin: especially because you wrote it in 4 saeconds
Lenor: do you meen mainstream?
Chojin: do you know what cliche means
Lenor: yes, but I dont see where it would fit in me just asking you what you thought of a few lines of a poem i wrote in 4 seconds.
Chojin: cli·ché /kliˈʃeɪ, klɪ-/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[klee-shey, kli-] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation
–noun
1. a trite, stereotyped expression; a sentence or phrase, usually expressing a popular or common thought or idea, that has lost originality, ingenuity, and impact by long overuse, as sadder but wiser, or strong as an ox.
2. (in art, literature, drama, etc.) a trite or hackneyed plot, character development, use of color, musical expression, etc.
3. anything that has become trite or commonplace through overuse.
4. British Printing.
a. a stereotype or electrotype plate.
b. a reproduction made in a like manner.
–adjective
5. trite; hackneyed; stereotyped; clichéd.
Lenor: alright Im going to ignore the literary lesson,.
Chojin: i'm just saying, the word makes perfect sense where and how i used it
Lenor: So your saying what i wrote was completly unorignal.
Lenor: unoriginal*
Lenor: played out, trainwreck
Chojin: i said a little cliche
Lenor: well id like to see you come up with a poem that isnt 3 lines with four words per line, that expresses something you were feeling in oh lets say under 10 seconds.
Chojin: exasperation at the tiny rage
Chojin: one who asks for critique, sorrow untold to those who comply
Chojin: the internet is serious business
Chojin: *bow*
Lenor: not even close.
Lenor: the second line is really interesting.
Chojin: AT THE BIB OF THE MOUTH OF BABES, THE SOUND AND FURY OF TINY ANGER
Chojin: SERIOUS BUSINESS, THE INTERNET HAS BUT ONE ALIGNMENT
Chojin: there, you can replace 1 and 3 with that.
Lenor: Cruelality has but one face, dangerouse to those who wish to become erased.
Chojin: JAX WINS, CRUELALITY
Lenor: umm you just interupted me!
Lenor: this isnt about SPELLING
Chojin: Break it down.
Chojin: Degenerate into something, fool.
Chojin: I just got tired,
Chojin: Of doing what you told me to do.
Chojin: But that's the breaks, boy.
Chojin: Yea,
Chojin: That's the breaks,
Chojin: Little man.
Lenor: the walls are comin in low, while the water seems to stay up high.
Lenor: your wittless undermine , only escapes my presciouse and fragile mind.
Chojin: Hurricane Katrina, Neva Forget.
Lenor: broken while not yet torn, ive been walking in your shadown ,
Chojin: Hey yo, Captain Jack.
Chojin: Bring me back
Chojin: To the railroad track.
Lenor: and while the truth comes out sometime, my consiouse keeps me insane.
Lenor: im not some random puppet for you to explore, im me, im here, im not you.
Chojin: I need more allowance.
Chojin: Yo-de-lay-hee.
Chojin: I need more allowance.
Chojin: Yo-da-lay-hee, hoo
Chojin: I need more allowance.
Chojin: Yo-da-lay-hee,
Chojin: Why? Because I do.
Lenor: ha im better then u at something!
Chojin: TAKE A BOW!
Lenor: ok
SHARE YOUR OWN POETRY.
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*My homo color is purple*
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