Features

Perndog · #1

Because, as everyone knows, I'm a grammar Nazi, and because, as few people know, I am extremely magnanimous, I would like to offer to proofread I-Mockery articles before they are published, at no charge. I can get things done same-day, and I promise not to make any editorial suggestions, changes other than spelling, punctuation, and word order, nor mocking personal remarks.

I just want to be able to read a humor article without seeing "loose" used instead of "lose" once in a while. What do you think, guys?

FartinMowler · #2

Not that this is not a very nice sentiment, but I've learned not to write there instead of they're by having people correct and humiliate me.

Perndog · #3

I like the I-Mockery message board. I write they're all the time.

FartinMowler · #4

Jimmy by Fartinmowler

Narrator: a loner and looser and somewhat disoriented young man Jimmy was lost in a world of Bumpkins and Anal pornographers that had ripped through a 14 year olds life in less that a few years.

Jimmy

I had used Duct tape today

Freddy (Jimmy's long time friend (speaks with a Southern drawl)

Don't ask me to peel it off again, I can't stand to hear you cry and see the puss oozing

Jimmy

I Met my soon to be internet wife today

Freddy (pulls out a gun)

My father was in Nam jing Poon a Province of Pang Wang Long and your wife is going to be a whore

Jimmy

What? Why?

Freddy

I want to be on Youtube and you're my ticket to fame

Jimmy

Let me call my momma first (calls his mamma) momma?

Momma

Jimmy, I hope you didn't put Duct tape on your Anus again

Jimmy

I did and Freddy wants to be famous and is going to rip it off and put me on the World Wide Web for all the degenerate disgusting low life people to watch and humiliate me (starts crying and can feel the hair on his anus between the Duct tape)

Momma

(hangs up phone)

Jimmy

Momma?

Freddy

your soon to be wife is actually my sister that has two heads and no anus and I'm going to kill you and take your anus to save her

Jimmy

you were always the smart one Freddy

Freddy

Fuck you Jimmy (starts crying and rips off the Duct tape)

Jimmy

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHH that just wasn't right

Freddy (pulls out a huge knife and cuts out Jimmy's anus and substitutes it for a Monkey anus)

Jimmy (wakes up from the anesthetic and puts his hand on what used to be his Anus)

It's smooth

Freddy

No more Duct tape

Jimmy (laughs)

Ha ha ha ha ha h a ha no more Duct tape

MLE · #5

This thread has made leaps and bounds towards mediocrity.

noob3 · #6

It's nice that somone who claims to be a grammar nazi types in huge, run on sentances.

FartinMowler · #7

i was going to write a script called

THE THIRTEENTH COMMA

but I felt the whole numerogical movie thing lately has been done to death

noob3 · #8

Perndog · #9

Run on sentences stick phrases together without proper transitions or punctuations like this one noob the sentence up there is a little long but perfectly fine

Grislygus · #10

No, it's not. joogetaneff.

arg_zombies · #11

Did Jimmy's duct tape go on e-bay, and where can i find it?

Perndog · #12

Mr. Mockery and company, I would be quite satisfied by a simple "no, you pretentious asshole" to my original offer, so I can go ahead and give up hope.