Oh god the internet you're so big I can't handle it you're out of control

[CaptainBubba]

Begin a downward spiral of drinking and one-night stands and call me about every 3 and a half weeks to explain that I'm the only one who ever really understood you. Get really quiet for about 30 seconds on the phone then start crying and claim you are afraid you are going to hurt yourself and say that I am the only one who makes you feel safe then ask me to come to your place and when I do shamelessly expose yourself, all the while demonstrating how you are fully shaved, and offer to blow me if I watch the series finale of "Friends" with you, but I'll say no and you'll just puke and pass out anyway because you've been drinking all night. In the morning pretend it never happened and eat a micorwavable TGIFridays potoato skins appetizer for breakfast and wonder why the "Friends" cd is missing.