First/worst time getting drunk

[Grossenschwamm]

My worst time getting drunk was this past New Year's celebration. It started out ok, and I got pretty drunk. My goal was to get so drunk that I'd get a boner from something stupid. It happened! My friend has two huge femur-choppers from the early nineteen hundreds. They're giant cleavers made to chop through cow bones. I saw one and got my chub on. I was happy. But I coincidentally ate food that gave me food poisoning. I spent about 3 hours (from 11:30 to around 2:25) being drunk but knowing something was horribly wrong, and at 2:30 I started to vomit. A lot. The average human stomach has the capacity to hold 32 fluid ounces of whatever you're putting into it, and somehow I dropped the entire fluid capacity once every hour from 2:30 to 5:30, without trying to put anything back into my body. So, I had the worst 3 days of my life following all the alcohol I drank. I seriously thought I was going to die, but then I felt better on the friday after new year's, and I ended up going back to my friend's house, where we had the party, and drank some of the southern comfort I brought there the preceding monday.
My first was the new year's eve party of '06 to '07. I had never tried getting drunk before, but it turns out that even with my diabetes, I have a superhuman liver that allows me to consume about 23 drinks before I get drunk. And get drunk I did, though I remembered everything that happened that night (I never black out from drunkenness). The only thing I didn't remember was having rolled over the couch in the basement after telling everyone that I had to take a piss.
Speaking of piss, I had a fun weekend two weeks ago. I drank a lot of guinness and a bit of rum, and when I woke up for my morning ritual, I noticed that it smelled like 80 proof rum. I felt awesome, because I've long held the "belief" that a pirate would piss straight rum. I know they didn't, but anything as manly and rugged as a pirate should piss rum.