Glowbelly's Post-divorce questionnaire for flirtatious jerks

[Pub Lover]

Originally Posted by glowbelly

1. you decide to change jobs. do you tell me?

Uh, I would discuss with you that there is an oppurtunaty available and that I might like to take it. :creep

Originally Posted by glowbelly

2. do you talk to my friends about what boobs look like in california?

Yes.

Originally Posted by glowbelly

3. a woman calls you and i ask who it is. do you tell me it's your boss pretending to be a girl?

Only if it is infact my boss and my boss was GW. I could speakerphone it as long as it's not too late. Of course, if it's late I'm really rude to people calling me.

Originally Posted by glowbelly

4. after having sex you tell me you're sorry. why?

Because you can do better. Also, I broke something and it's hidden in the garage under the pretext of 'fixing' it.

Originally Posted by glowbelly

5. would you ever tell my best friend that you raced to new york city after 911 and rescued a dog from the rubble?

Yes.

Originally Posted by glowbelly

6. would you hide porn from me? even if it was really bad porn?

As part of some sort of Easter Egg hunt, yes.

Originally Posted by glowbelly

7. quick we're out of milk and money doesn't come in until friday what to do?

Buy more because we budgeted properly and have some savings, except ugh milk, you make it yourself, drink that.

Originally Posted by glowbelly

8. if i asked you how much your snap on account was up to would you lie and tell me $500 or tell the truth and say $5000?

Only if you have shown a tendency to not stick to the budget if it seems we're temporarily affluent.

Originally Posted by glowbelly

9. we can't pay rent this month. do you promise to take care of everything and tell me not to worry or do you let me fucking handle it?

I think I might start lying about our finances, yeah.

Originally Posted by glowbelly

10. how many cigarettes would you go outside to smoke if i was in labor at the hospital giving birth to your child?

None.

Originally Posted by glowbelly

11. do you own any books that don't have to do with getting rich quick?

Yes, all of them infact.

Originally Posted by glowbelly

12. have you read them?

Some.

Originally Posted by glowbelly

13. did you really go to college?

I can't remember I was drunk.

Originally Posted by glowbelly

14. when i'm about to walk into a room filled with your family will you tell me "don't say anything about anything" while expecting me to know what the hell you're talking about?

You'd be briefed beforehand on what things not to say.

Originally Posted by glowbelly

15. do you talk in cliches?

Not at first.

[Rez]

1. you decide to change jobs. do you tell me?

only if it's possible that i can keep it a secret because doing that without you finding out somehow is just too funny. then i would drop it in conversation all nonchalant like and watch you really awkwardly.

bonus points if it's making chumsicles for shark week.

2. do you talk to my friends about what boobs look like in california?

THAT WOULD BE TALKING TO MYSELF SINCE THIS HAPPENED TO ME WITH YOUR NOW EX-HUSBAND AND IT WAS KINDA CREEPYTOWNE. BUT RE: TALKING TO MYSELF ABOUT BOOBS: ALSO KINDA FUNNY IF I MAKE A PRODUCTION OF IT

3. a woman calls you and i ask who it is. do you tell me it's your boss pretending to be a girl?

uh no it's a friend jesus christ is that concept so alien these days

4. after having sex you tell me you're sorry. why?



5. would you ever tell my best friend that you raced to new york city after 911 and rescued a dog from the rubble?

what tadao said. cept the puppy dies while licking my ear, whimpering gently.

6. would you hide porn from me? even if it was really bad porn?

i would share only the really bad porn. i would buy only really bad porn. boners kept in check by laughter are the best kind. IT MEANS YOU'RE STILL HUMAN.
JUST KIDDING I WOULDNT KEEP PORN IN A HOUSE THAT CONTAINS JACOB THATS

7. quick we're out of milk and money doesn't come in until friday what to do?

FIELD TRIP TO AMISH COUNTRY
we're going to learn how to milk a cow
goddamn that's awesome

8. if i asked you how much your snap on account was up to would you lie and tell me $500 or tell the truth and say $5000?

run through the truth real quick and get in a ROARING FIGHT ABOUT MY NEEDS.

9. we can't pay rent this month. do you promise to take care of everything and tell me not to worry or do you let me fucking handle it?

a bit of both?

10. how many cigarettes would you go outside to smoke if i was in labor at the hospital giving birth to your child?

GHROSS WHAT i dont know-

11. do you own any books that don't have to do with getting rich quick?

i lost my ability to read in a vomitorium back in '98

12. have you read them?

NO I DONT READ. I DONT BREATHE

13. did you really go to college?

YES AND I WON. I WON COLLEGE

14. when i'm about to walk into a room filled with your family will you tell me "don't say anything about anything" while expecting me to know what the hell you're talking about?

no my family needs to be messed with

15. do you talk in cliches?

HERE'S LOOKING AT YOU GORGEOUS