1. you decide to change jobs. do you tell me?
Yes, because it would be really stupid to lie about that. You'd notice right away if paycheques started coming from a different company because I give them to you when I come home. 
2. do you talk to my friends about what boobs look like in california?
Yes, because I haven't seen Californian boobs and I want to know what they look like.
3. a woman calls you and i ask who it is. do you tell me it's your boss pretending to be a girl?
It depends on if it really is my boss pretending to be a girl or not.
4. after having sex you tell me you're sorry. why?
Because I tore you in half with my huge weiner or I have a headache.
5. would you ever tell my best friend that you raced to new york city after 911 and rescued a dog from the rubble?
No, that's pretty gay. Unless your best friend is really hot and I want a threesome. :O
6. would you hide porn from me? even if it was really bad porn?
No. Sharing porn is HOT.
7. quick we're out of milk and money doesn't come in until friday what to do?
Why would we ever be in a situation where we're so broke that we can't buy food? That's just irresponsible. Hypothetically, though, if we were really that broke I'd probably have to go get another job or something.
8. if i asked you how much your snap on account was up to would you lie and tell me $500 or tell the truth and say $5000?
Tell the truth. Like some people already mentioned, financial issues need to be discussed openly and honestly.
9. we can't pay rent this month. do you promise to take care of everything and tell me not to worry or do you let me fucking handle it?
See Question 7.
10. how many cigarettes would you go outside to smoke if i was in labor at the hospital giving birth to your child?
I don't smoke. 
11. do you own any books that don't have to do with getting rich quick?
Yes, but I don't own any get rich quick books.
12. have you read them?
Lots of times. I need new books.
13. did you really go to college?
Yes.
14. when i'm about to walk into a room filled with your family will you tell me "don't say anything about anything" while expecting me to know what the hell you're talking about?
Yes, because my dad was a teacher and thinks that everyone wants to hear an impromptu lesson about whatever he remembers at the time. Don't get him started, woman!
15. do you talk in cliches?
Only if they are relevant.
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