The Gospel of Gary.

[Chojin]

Did you know that you can hug people if you run into them?

*hug roman soldier fondly*

Roman soldier then cold-cocks me in the face and tells me i'm going to jail for assault, while my character stumbles around in the background, falling over twice.

And then I'm condemned to be crucified, in a horrifying spectacle where I'm nailed to a cross while my health bleeds out.

Below, Roman soldiers are beating people with bags of money.