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Wiffles · #1

By the hairs on my head, I swear. These types of visits are like SPAM in real life. Maybe roughly once a month on average, people visit my house to gather funds for their 'cause', or talk for 3 hours about God. Sometimes, Im like a captive audience. I just stand there and pretend Im listening to them and hope they go away. I cant just ask them to leave, its im-polite. Besides they might come back and burn my house o.o

What do you guys do when these types of people visit and how do you deal with them?

Kitsa · #2

I have a sign.

NO SOLICITING!
This includes:
religious visits,
door to door sales,
door to door nonprofits,
surveys & petitions.
Thank you!

Then it has a picture of a door to door missionary with one of those anti-symbols over it, just in case they're hard-of-reading.

What I was getting for a long time was people ignoring a simple "No Soliciting" sign, saying "Oh, we're not soliciting, we're just (keen on Jesus/ here to tell you about our lawncare service/ here to have you participate in a survey)." So I covered all my bases.

The neighborhood kids ignore the sign, but not much I can do about that.

When I lived in my old house, the Jehovah's Witnesses built a new Kingdom Hall down the street and that was pure unadulterated hell.

RaNkeri · #3

I've been visited twice by Jehova's witnesses. They stopped coming after the second time when I bursted into laughter when I opened the door and saw them.

I felt bad later

Tadao · #4

OH COME ALL YE FAITHFUL!

darkvare · #5

i open the door and if they start talking about something like selling or asking hand outs i just close the door

Dimnos · #6

Best way to get rid of religious people is to tell them you already are.

elx · #7

oh wiffles! just say you're not allowed to talk to strangers

Wiffles · #8

Im not anti god or anything. Its just I cant talk about the guy for 3 hours while my cinnamon cookies burn in the oven x_x

Quote:

Originally Posted by elx

oh wiffles! just say you're not allowed to talk to strangers

That would have worked when I was 8. As an official adult, people might look at me weird >_>

stevetothepast · #9

I just invite them in and then turn on tranny porn.

King Hadas · #10

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dimnos

Best way to get rid of religious people is to tell them you already are.

I tried that on a Jehovah's witness once. He calmly took out a piece of bubblegum, put it in his mouth and then asked me some difficult questions.

"Oh? What church do you go to? Really? I go there as well, but I don't recall ever seeing you. Ah, I see, you don't go on Sundays. When do you go then? Are you sure about that date sir? I'm fairly certain that church does not open on that day, maybe you're confused. Oh, you actually go to a different church, is that right? And which church might that be? You're not sure? It's a fairly simple question, I don't see how you could be unsure. Unless, of course...you're a liar. Are you liar, sir? ANSWER THE QUESTION!"

I had to slam the door in order to save face.

Dimnos · #11

Damn I have never had that happen to me.

Im always. "Oh yes I am but thank you for stopping by. Keep up the good work." It helps to have dogs. That way there is somewhat of an urgency to close the door.

Kitsa · #12

I gave some Mormon missionaries some cans of decaf Coke once and wished them well. They left, but they left smiling.

I was younger and meeker then. Now I'm reclusive and hostile. To humans, anyway.

Tadao · #13

Shit, I don't like talking to people I like even.

executioneer · #14

Quote:

Originally Posted by darkvare

i open the door and if they start talking about something like selling or asking hand outs i just close the door

this is what i do. i also make a point of locking the deadbolt and turning off the porch light if it was on

Sam · #15

i just peek out of the door and then slam it shut and make sure they can hear me turning the dead bolt

unless I'm drunk then I just lay on the couch and ignore them even though they can clearly see me through my door

DevilWearsPrada · #16

I am immature and often have someone else answer the door when it's j-hoves so I can yell obscenities in full earshot of them in another room till they get offended and leave

Dimnos · #17

Back when I was in high school a navy recruiter stopped by my house and asked for me. I said I wasnt home but gave them a friends phone number, that I was said friend and that I was interested in joining up. They didnt stop calling him for over a year.

george · #18

you just have to be firm.

I HAVE CINNAMON COOKIES IN THE FUCKING OVEN NOW PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE.

YES I WILL TAKE A COPY OF THE WATCHTOWER.

NO I DONT WANT A SUBSCRIPTION TO HOME AND GARDEN.

NOW LEAVE.

if that doesnt work, well you should buy pepper spray.

Evil Robot · #19

They don't ever come to my area because it scares them, but if they did I would turn the deck light on and off repeatedly until they get confused and leave.

Kitsa · #20

I got rid of a military recruiter on the phone in record time when I was a senior in high school. I wasn't lying, but it would work.

HIM: I was calling because you're about to graduate and I wanted to discuss with you a career in the (can't remember which branch).

ME: You take disabled people now?

HIM: Oh. Uh. No. I'm sorry. I....have a nice day. *click*

We also used to get telemarketing calls where I used to work, and boy does that get you on a do-not-call list fast.

THEM: I was calling about a warranty for your vehicle. Do you-

ME: Did you know this is a hospital emergency room?

THEM: Oh! Oh, uh, no. I'm really sorry. I'll...uh...we won't bother you again.

Dimnos · #21

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kitsa

We also used to get telemarketing calls where I used to work, and boy does that get you on a do-not-call list fast.

THEM: I was calling about a warranty for your vehicle. Do you-

ME: Did you know this is a hospital emergency room?

THEM: Oh! Oh, uh, no. I'm really sorry. I'll...uh...we won't bother you again.

Im so going to use that.