Impress me with your injuries.

[LordSappington]

Let's see how long of a list of stupid shit I've done I can make.
When I was in third grade, I was biking to school and hit a rock, which stopped my bike on the spot somehow and slammed my face into the handlebar. I've still got a little dent on my top left cheekbone.
In fifth grade, I was biking around the neighborhood and my bike suddenly slipped out from under me and fell on top of me, so I was scraping along the fresh pavement. This was when my neighborhood decided they wanted to go with jagged pavement instead of smooth pavement, so it was like having a fucking cheese grater for roads. I left a little blood trail when my elbow and hip skin got torn off.
Apparently I crashed my stupid bike again not too long after that, but I can't remember it. My parents say it was pretty bad.
I was walking along the little cliffs in the woods near my house, and the ground broke off beneath me, so I tumbled down a rocky hill for twenty feet or so and blacked out. I woke up maybe ten minutes later, and my scalp was cut up a bit and I was covered in bruises. Didn't need any stitches, but I probably looked like a zombie when I was limping home.
I was in a metal fabrication class in high school, and a kid wasn't paying attention in the welding booth next to me, and had his torch pointed at me. He was using too much acetylene, and a jet of flame shot out and lit my shirt on fire. Had a few slight burns from that.
Another time in that class, I was assigned to pick up all the scrap, and a kid didn't tell me he just got done welding with a piece of metal. Literally melted the fingertips of my right hand; didn't have them for a few months.
Lastly, luckily I didn't actually get injured, but in the same class, I was using an oxy-acetylene cutting torch on a sheet of metal, and some kids were using a tablesaw perpendicular to my table. I don't know what happened, but the 2x4 they were cutting got caught, and then shot out, and whizzed by a foot in front of my face, hit the wall, and shattered into splinters. That thing almost took off my damn head....