I wanna make a porno.

[imported_I, fuzzbot.]

Black screen.

“Let me tell you what ‘Like a Virgin’ is about … “

Cut to a medium close-up of Mr.Orange, Mr.Red, Mr. Blue, Joe et al. sitting in a circle. The camera tracks around and circumscribes their witty banter.

“It’s about a girl … who digs a guy … with a big dick.” (note to those who haven’t seen the film: I’m not making this up … it’s not my material yet)

It goes on like this -- more macho male bonding: “ … I’m talking John Holmes motherfucker, Dick Dick Dick!”; Joe drops a couple of Asian hoez’ names; Harvey Kietel lays down his “You shot me in a dreaaaaamm, you betta wake up and apologize” line.

Nice-Guy Eddie sorta chuckles and wipes his nose: “Ight fellas … ante up”

Long shot. There is no table. Indeed, Steve Buschemi’s sitting alone – naked – in the center of the circle. All the gangsters are giving eachother handjobs, and have evidently been doing so throughout the entire conversation. The inevitable happens. But Eddie isn’t pleased; he glares at Mr.Pink …

“I don’t swallow.”

“What’ya mean you don’t swallow.”

“I don’t swallow.”

“You don’t swallow?”

" I don’t swallow" *shrugs*

" … Let me tell you what this is … " * Mr. Pink gestures with his hands * “It’s the worlds smallest violin ... playing just for the circle-jerk hustlers on Sunset Blvd … me, I don’t swallow.”

A long, awkward pause. Nice-Guy interjects:

“You know what? I don’t think I’ll leave a tip”

Mr. Pink and all the gangsters laugh. And laugh. And they just keep on laughing for about 40 seconds – sorta like how they do at the end of a Jem episode, ya know?

Roll credits over that “Stuck in the Middle with You” song.