Facial Hair is for Pussies, Queers, and COMMUNISTS.

[Shut Up]

Everytime I see someone with a beard I'm like, "FUCK OFF YOU BEARDED FUCK! TAKE YOUR FUCKING CRUSTY FACE-HAIR WITH YOU, BEARDO." I'm a beard racist. I lynch people with beards and I tell anti-beard jokes all the time. And why not? Beards are hairy, they smell bad, and they spread AIDS. It's like someone decided to fucking grow a shag carpet on and around their jawline. AND I DON'T LIKE THAT.

The Devil, Jerry Garcia, and Osama Bin Laden all had beards and now they're either in caves, in hell, or dead. Maybe all three. And you know what? Each one of those scum-sucking scruffy-necked bastards deserved it!

And people without beards, oh good god FUCKCAKES they piss me off more! They think they're the shit because their skin is all smooth and pink and moist, like a fucking Keebler elf or something. They walk around and rub their hairless chins and cheeks all the time and go, 'Wow I take a razor accross my face and throat in the morning everyday so I can repeat the process again tomorrow!" By the god damn way, I hate Keebler elves too, and if I ever see a Keebler elf with a beard, I'm curb stomping it and throwing it in an orphan's soup, a bearded orphan.

One more thing. You know the bearded lady? I HATE THAT BITCH TOO. EVEN IF SHE SHAVED HER BEARD I'D STILL HATE HER BECAUSE OF HER NAME. DUMB CUNT.

FUCK OFF.