There is no way guys have cooler retro swag. The ratio of retro threads of girls to guys is like...I don't know, 4:1. Is she hot?
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Gas and masturbation are highly unlikely to be connected with each other. Have you tried to stop masturbating? Has the gas subsided as a result? Perhaps you could try the same experiment by increasing the times you masturbate daily. Do you notice that the gas is increasing?