You fucking rookies.
"Ooh, I puked! I blacked out! I pretended to be a terrorist!" That's what you're
supposed to do while drunk. Also, it's your God-given duty to have sex with rotund women while inebriated. Sure, you might feel awful about it in the morning, and you'll sure as hell catch it from your friends, but dammit, it's a story to tell at the bar the next night.
You're also required to lose articles of clothing during the course of the night, regardless of your sex.