Features

Jeff The Ninja · #1

For the past two days, I have had the most horrible head cold. But, it is that same headcold that unleashed my latent SuperHuman Abilities. Yesterday, I sneezed and somehow, the ball of snot managed to launch 15 feet and leave a stain on the wall that is about a foot in diameter. I decided to clean up my new ultra sticky mucus but as it is ultra sticky it wouldnt come clean.

Realizing what I had just done, I quickly came to the conclusion that that microwaved Burrito became radioactive and changed my DNA, just like those happy people in Chernobyl. Now the force of my sneezes goes through 5 kleenexes, and when its red it tastes funny.

So what I am trying to get at, is I want to found a Global Network of superheroes, as none such network exists. So if you have superpowers or you can punch people pretty hard you are welcome to join Signup and join the earth peoples organized against evil people in capes and possibly helmets with horns(E.P.O.A.E.P.I.C.A.P.H.W.H.). And It will be our mission to keep the internet safe from spambots and other minor annoyances.

Esuohlim · #2

what no shut up

MetalMilitia · #3

I thought this was quite a funny thread!

Girl Drink Drunk · #4

Much agreed, Metalmilitia.

Fathom Zero · #5

I can't feel anything in my feet, and I have a stache. Can I join?

Moobs · #6

One time I was sick out of my nose

WilfordBrimley · #7

I have diabetes

Jeff The Ninja · #8

Yes, you can join. Just be sure to give yourself a title.

Fathom Zero · #9

THE MAN WITH GHOST-FEET!

wastr · #10

can I join?

Girl Drink Drunk · #11

Does having a nasty case of herpes type 1 which kept me at home from school for about 4 weeks, in grade 4, count? I felt really shitty, and I couldn't eat anything because of this little slit in my tongue. On the plus side, I gamed it up on the Genesis, playing Revenge of Shinobi, Ghostbusters, and finally saw the Ghostbusters movie (mom found it at a garage sale

)

ArrowX · #12

I'm really loud and fat, you can call me: The Unmovable Voice!

MetalMilitia · #13

I could be like catwoman but not a woman! catman, but that'd be kinda gay.

bleh who cares, as long as I get to wear a cape I don't care what my name is.

ArrowX · #14

Actually Fuck My Idea, I dont' want to end up like the Blob or the Thing

I'm gonna be The Courtesy Clerk. Its MY dudty to ensure your Bag is stuffed with Steaks, Eggs, and Bread In that order

Girl Drink Drunk · #15

Actually, your idea sounded pretty good. I'll keep my name, but add the title "the nice gangster".

Jeff The Ninja · #16

Well, if you are in, then at least change your signature slightly to show your involvement in this pointless club, and StupidKraut, youre the minister in charge of groceries. It is now your duty to keep the fridge stocked with all the items you just listed.

And all these can i join messages will always be answered with yes, as long as youre not a complete asshole.

Marc Summers · #17

When I was playing my French Horn in practice today I ended up spitting a huge wad of mucus during break because it got shaken loose when I started playing loud.

I don't wanna join or anything, I just thought I'd give you some jackoff material since I know you're running low.

Girl Drink Drunk · #18

My alias shall be Cheddar Cheese Girl, after the song Elton John sang (which is basically the ragtime piece "Maple Leaf Rag") before becoming famous, in the Chef Aid episode of South Park.

ArrowX · #19

I can Blast Vehicles off the road with a sound cannon like that fat chick in Kung Fu Hustle after Ive stopped them with my body.

Girl Drink Drunk · #20

I an can answer questions about music, video games, and music

Ill think of another power in the future (mabye the ability to cancel the Simpsons and SNL and put once classic shows out of their misery)

Fathom Zero · #21

Woohoo, three official members...

Jeff The Ninja · #22

WOW, three members. If the X-Men have taught me anything its that 3 is the minimum number to take out a sentinel. So with that in mind we need a sentinel.