Features

Professor Poddar · #1

So it has been decreed. So, further, shall any and all offenders, past, present, or future, alter their deplorable habits upon perusal of the following...

- People who enter a room in which you're reading or watch t.v., and then turn on the light, saying "You'll hurt your eyes."
- The misuse of the apostrophe. You don't say "I bought some cd's," jabberwocky, you say "I bought some cds." Your mailbox shouldn't say "The Johnson's," it should say "The Johnsons."
- People who call for a boycott of French goods. As if you've ever bought ANYTHING from France, Jim Bob... back in the trailer wi' ye! Scoot!
- People who drink bottled water. You may as well tack a "Total Fucking Twat" note to your forehead. There's NOTHING wrong with tap-water. We're not living in fucking Albania, you cunt!
- The saying "24-7". You're too white to employ that one, buddy. Please hang it up. NOW.
- Coffee-shop liberals. Pay your own bills for but a single week, whey-faced little brats, and I am certain that you'll feel differently about giving away 30% of your paycheck to dregs, degenerates, addicts, and layabouts.
- Italian-American groups claiming that The Sopranos & The Godfather unfairly stereotype their people. The Mafia is real, you fucking fucks. Accept it. Anyway, I don't know why you're ashamed of La Cosa Nostra, you gimps-- anyone who can Whack at Will is pretty damned cool.
- Line beards. Grow a full beard or don't grow one at all.
- People who are against hunting, but buy meat from the store. Yes, I have come across such wankers, believe it or not.

Grazzt · #2

I'm against sport hunting and I buy meat. I believe all deaths should have a purpose.

Then again, entertainment may be a valid one.

pickleninja · #3

Overrated Car Commercials

Jeanette X · #4

Trophy hunting is one thing, but hunting to thin out the numbers of the animals is fine with me.

executioneer · #5

PEOPLE NAMED PROFESSOR PODDER

-willie

Grazzt · #6

But... But he teaches my l33t cl4ss3s!

Captain Robo · #7

I'm asking for it :D

Vibecrewangel · #8

I'm not sure where you live, but the tap water in Silicon Valley is disgusting. It comes out of the tap either tinged with yellow or brown mineral deposits, or it is a completely white opaque (sp) color with sediment at the bottom of the glass.

I'll stick with my bottled water thanks.

punkgrrrlie10 · #9

Prof. Podder sounds alot like the gay south african lion hunter guy.

davinxtk · #10

Yeah, really. I think much of your reasoning is sound, but the water thing... ick. Tap water tastes like metal and chlorine, I'd prefer pure water.

It's not like I think the tap water is going to make me sick or anything, I just don't like the taste and there's a bottled alternative.

noob3 · #11

Seriously, water is something we need to STAY ALIVE. And tap water taste like a shit/chemical mix, fuck that. I find bottled water delicious, so what is so wrong with that?

Grazzt · #12

The price.

Damn it, they need to sell discount water that isn't from fjords or wherever the fuck they extract it from!

executioneer · #13

lol you guys live where there's shitty tap water

The tap water here tastes BETTER than bottled water in most places

-willie

Les Waste · #14

The tap water in Wisconsin is fucking awesome.

It's because they put fluoride in the water, so the tap water helps clean your teeth. And it tastes better than bottled water. You people suck.

And I'm so glad the success of Maddox has allowed people to think they can be funny by ranting about shit that stand-up comedians have been falling back on for the past fifteen years. Thank God!

FeuerAffe · #15

Why do I drink bottled water? Because I live in a shitty dorm for another week or so. We have to stock the mini fridge unless we want to go all the way down the hall to the chlorine tasting water fountain or outside and up the stairs to the food court.

Carnivore · #16

I am going to make sure that everyone who comes here for the Mock Meet gets to meet the person behind Professor Poddar.

As for the water here, it's far better quality than most places. It all depends on what comes out of your faucet. If you have good tap water and still drink bottled, you're a tool.

Esuohlim · #17

The tap water here is the most delicious drink ever. If I had a sink that spewed out brown water with sediments at the bottom of the glass, I'd kill myself.

Professor Poddar · #18

Carnivore,
When is the I-Mockery Meet and Greet being held, and where?
Perhaps a guest appearance by Rohit himself can be arranged...

Grazzt · #19

The tap water in Toronto tastes like all the workers piss and shit into it.

Carnivore · #20

Quote:

Originally Posted by Professor Poddar

Carnivore,
When is the I-Mockery Meet and Greet being held, and where?

The first weekend of August in the Commonwealth of Massachusetts.

Zosimus · #21

Quote:

Originally Posted by Les Waste

It's because they put fluoride in the water, so the tap water helps clean your teeth. And it tastes better than bottled water. You people suck.

I hope you were being sarcastic when you said this because if you weren't, then you need to please consider these fact about flouride next time:

http://www.fluoridealert.org/50-reasons.htm

Les Waste, wasn't it you, who was suffering terribly from the kidney stones? -somebody on the board was this week (??)
I am not postulating that having kidney stones and drinking water containing flouride, necessarily are related but I do think that it might be worth while considering what the hell we are putting in our systems every day!

Edited: Great, i just noticed that the smilie you used was a

not a

! So, that just makes me a dork? :/

AChimp · #22

Whenever I hear people bitching about the "bad taste" of tap water, I remind them that there are people in the world that think a cup full of shit-filled ditch water is great.

Zosimus · #23

Quote:

Originally Posted by AChimp

Whenever I hear people bitching about the "bad taste" of tap water, I remind them that there are people in the world that think a cup full of shit-filled ditch water is great.

or people that don't even have that much to put in their cup

!