Feb 6th, 2003, 12:56 PM
Interview with ARTIE.
The other day, I sat down at a Denny's, with world-class superhero, and former protector of Pete Wrigley, ARTIE. He's the strongest man in the world, but unfortunatly...kind of a moron.
Spooky: Hey, Artie. How are you this day?
Artie: Mmmm. ALL IS PIPE, MY DEAR WEBMASTER.
S: Well, now, first off, most of us were pissed to see you leave Pete & Pete, why did you?
A: Well, Pete was hitting puberty, friend! I had to help another kid, squeaky voices are like Kryptonite!
S: I thought ringing phones, or something were?
A: I have a few, but they are secret. For example, fat redheadded 8 year old boys cause me to get an instant, superhero hard-on.
S: Shit, Artie. Pervert.
A: Yes, son, yes. Did you think I was only Pete's SUPER-HERO?
At this point, Artie tried to hold my hand. This was disturbing, and I was almost ready to leave.
S: Don't do that. So, anywhom, what have you been doing recently? Protecting kids?
A: No, actually, my viking. I've gotten into the pornography business, with my own line of movies I've directed, all based on Jewish Black Midgets missing limbs, doing things with 12 year old blonde girls!
S: Isn't that illegal?
A: Batman killed people all the time, SUPERHEROS HAVE NO LAW.
S: You frighten me, Artie.
A: Call me Super-Funky-Pants, Viking, and all will be pipe.
S: Stop calling me Viking, and stop saying pipe.
The waitress then arrived with the food. I got nothing, yet Artie filled up on a Grand Slam Breakfast.
A: The food is wonderful, it's runny, like....
S: (interrupting) Don't even say it.
A: (looks down) Fine. Now, I will answer no more queries! My eggs are calling me, like a giant poultry magnet!
With this, I punched him in the face, and squirted him with ketchup. I couldn't take it anymore. Running away, he didn't bother to chase me. He was too into the eggs.