DJ Bastard hit the ring early this Sunday and wasted little time in spooking all cats and dogs
from the arena with his anti-beauty. The whine of intercom feedback fills the arena:
DJ Bastard: COR, I'M THE MAN!! THE MAN, YEAH! ANY BLOKE WHO DON'T THINK I'M THE MAN
CAN JUST TELL IT TO THE PENIS HERE! YEAH!! TELL THEM I'M THE MAN, PENIS!
Seventeen minutes into the motivational speech to his spaceman, it was clear someone in
the back had quite enough.
Down the ramp comes none other than
Carnivore! Hopping up on the apron, he dodges a
virgorous right hook and an even more vigorous, newly-motivated British pant-worm and
slaps in a fatal choke-hold. After the lifeless limey is carried out on a stretcher (shaded
by the brightest orange in the Crayola Big Box for realism) by the other members of the
EMT team, Carnivore takes a microphone from ringside and makes his intentions on the
invasion known:
Carnivore: You know, Chojin, I thought you had gone soft on us. And as much as I'd like
to pretend I have senority in being mean to people on the internet, the fact is that it's
about as fresh and exciting as the disparaging remarks I memorized from reruns of Dr.
Katz. And since you were here first, I figure it's best I swallow my pride and we pool our
resources. What do you say?
Perndog hits the ring and begins to slap around his wafer-thin opponent, laying in those
hard rights that only come from a graduate of the Captain Robo Family Dojo.
Agitated Southern Announcer: MY GOD! SOMEBODY STOP THIS! HE'S GONNA END THE
YOUNG MAN'S CAREER! IN ALL MY YEAR-...WAIT! WAIT! HERE COMES CHOJIN! WITH A
WEAPON TO FEND OFF THE ATTACKER! THANK GOD, THE CAVALRY HAS-
Agitated Southern Announcer:
NO! NO! NO! HE'S SHOVED THAT COMICALLY-OVERSIZED
SEWING NEEDLE RIGHT INTO HIS DONG! LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THIS IS NOT PART OF
THE SHOW! NO! GOD! S-STOP APPLAUDING!
And so the NWO closes out another sold-out show with another blockbuster
performance.
Agitated Southern Announcer: THEY'RE ON THE SAME PAGE! THE SAME DAMN PAGE!
AND IT'S AN EVIL PAGE!
--------------------------
Choji's body count: 3
Last kill: Fatal exsanguination caused by genital impalation with oversized tailory
instrument
Threaded Mode
