|
Oh boy, oh, boy,
oh boy, kids! I can almost palpate your excitement! It's your
very first, totally free, BRAND MAX BURBANK PRODUCT!!
You can put it EVERYWHERE!!
In it's electronic form, it can go on you're MySpace page, in
your FaceBook account, in your signature on all the crappy
message boards you frequent and all the other sorry
ass looser internets type stuff I'm far too old to keep up with!
And it's Guaran-damn-teed to annoy EVERYONE!!
For those of you who go outside, just print MULTIPLE COPIES
using loads and loads of your PARENT'S INK CARTRIDGES! And when
they ask you why they are all out of ink, just shout BRAND MAX
BURBANK at 'em!! VIVA LA REVOLUTION, SI, COMRADES?
You can wait for the next BRAND MAX BURBANK product, but you
don't have to! LEAP INTO ACTION NOW and pay a local merchant to
print the broadsheet on the front and back of a T-SHIRT! Than
you can have a 'friend' take a digital photo of you WEARING IT
and post it on MySpace, and Facebook and use it as your "AVATAR"
at all those awful, squalid, shitty message boards you waste so
much time at! And if your "wife" comes to the door and points
out you are the color of old underwear and mushrooms are growing
off the side of your face, don't tell her your drowning in a sea
of despair, just shriek BRAND MAX BURBANK at her! She's sure to
understand and maybe 'catch' the BRAND MAX BURBANK 'fever'
herself!!!
Okay, okay now, ready, ready, ready? Are you ready!!?? Close
your eyes and WAIT FOR IT WAIT FOR IT take a deep breath, SCROLL
DOWN A TAD AND and OPEN YOUR EYES!!
OPEN THEM!!
Oh, crap. You can't. I told you to close your eyes and now you
can't read this and I have inadvertently BLINDED YOU FOR LIFE!
SHIT! I AM NOT LEGALLY RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR BLINDNESS, HUMAN
MEAT PRODUCT!
Oh, good, you opened your eyes.
As a reward, here is your FREE BRAND MAX BURBANK BROADSHEET!!
If you enjoyed this piece, be sure to check out:
Tips For Young Writers: Uh-oh! Writer's Block!
|
