Zod's Response: Such irrationality... do you really believe that I would allow a human slave to ever "rise" and stand by my side? Only Non and Ursa have that coveted privilege! My loyal slaves are here on planet Houston to do one thing and one thing only - KNEEL BEFORE ZOD! I suggest you pass these words of wisdom onto your son quickly, for if it is discovered that he has not been kneeling, he and his father will bother feel the wrath of my eye lasers!

Name:........... Kenneth Oliphant, Zodologian
E-Mail:.......... kennetholiphant@hotmail.com

===============================
My Question:
Dear Zod,

While kneeling before you in perpetuity, I often pass the time by pondering Your nature. Though there is no "time before Zod", in the period before your rule upon this planet Houston I was a philosopher. I would like to know how to prove you really exist. The Ontological Proof for the Existence of Zod has been derided, and it I am having a difficult time fending off claims that You are nothing more than a crutch for the weak-minded. I tried explaining that, in my opinion, Non and Ursa represent demiurges or parts of a Zodly trinity, but the azodist were not having it; how can I prove You really exist, my immortal General?

Please excuse my pathetic question as to your metaphysic, but I long to use my ideology to force others into the belief that I so cherish as your slave.

Zod's Response: Why do you say these things to me, when you know I will kill you for it? It is not a slave's position to question my power, let alone my existence. Such thoughts are no difference than a foolish act of aggression towards your rightful ruler! But very well, I will prove to you that I exist by burning down the house in which you live with my eye lasers. Perhaps then you will no longer spend your time pondering such nonsense, and instead you will focus your miniscule mind on your rightful ruler, ZOD!

Name:........... Tom Ryan
E-Mail:.......... goodmantheretom@hotmail.com

===============================
My Question:
Dear General Zod,

I have been a loyal slave to you since I was in my mothers womb. Recently however I have become the victim of an unfortunate accident. During a fight between you and Superman I was hit with some debris from a building that you got smashed into. It broke both my legs and left me crippled. I blame Superman entirely for this accident. I got my legs fixed through years of surgery but now one leg is longer than the other and I cannot Kneel Before You properly. Whatever will I do?

Zod's Response: I, General Zod, your ruler, command you to remove both of your legs. You will then be in a constant state of kneeling, thus your life will be a tribute to me!

Name:........... Adam
E-Mail:.......... adamparcnutt01@optusnet.com.au

===============================
My Question:
Whilst enjoying your generous protection, in other words being allowed to live, I realized the potential for Olympics on Krypton. Do they have bus-throwing, man-hole-cover discus, or astronaut booting events there?

Zod's Response: What are these Olympics you speak of? I have already proven my immeasurable strength countless times to my slaves. As for the planet Krypton, it was destroyed long ago along with all of its foolish inhabitants. Had I been ruler of Krypton, perhaps it would still exist today. It is only fitting that they all perished for their defiance!

Name:........... Bodeman
E-Mail:.......... djbodeman@hotmail.com

===============================
My Question:
That bastard Non owes me 5 bucks for a meal at Arbys I bought him . He kept following me making all these annoying grunting noises like a walrus taking a giant crap. Please send me a check or money order, otherwise i got a clip of kryptonite bullets with your name on it. KNEEL BEFORE BODEMAN!!!

Zod's Response: As Ursa has told many people before, I do not take orders... I give them! And just moments ago I ordered Non to pay you a visit and crush you between his fingers for your pathetic little threat!

Name:........... Rob Webb
E-Mail:.......... rob-webb@hotmail.com 

===============================
My Question:
I love you Zod but what is your first name my lord?

Zod's Response: My first name is "General". Having been one of my slaves for many years, you should know this by now. KNEEL!

Name:........... Jason Swinchock
E-Mail:.......... dndswin@netscape.net

===============================
My Question:
Dear General Zod,

It is hard to type while kneeling before you but I am dealing with it. I would like to know how I may rule a part of planet Houston, like Lex Luther ruled Australia. I am your most loyal slave and I know that asking a question like this could be punishable by death but I would like to aid you with your ruling of Houston!

Zod's Response: Lex Luthor was killed. I had no more use for him, and therefore he had to die and Australia is now under my rule once again. Are you suggesting that you would like to go down that same path? If so, I will happily do so. I need no aid in the ruling of planet Houston! All I need is for my loyal slaves to continue KNEELING BEFORE ZOD!

Name:........... Paul
E-Mail:.......... lookingforbandmembers@yahoo.com

===============================
My Question:
General Zod, I come to you with an urgent message:

The protagonist company called Warner Bros. plans on releasing a “Superman” film in the near future and they are all ready broadcasting a series about his upbringing in Smallville on a pirated station. Neither one of these even mention the GREAT GENERAL ZOD! How long must we stand and listen to the blasphemy against your rule? I implore you, yea, I pray you, to please destroy these villains who stand against Zod!

Zod's Response: Indeed I have heard rumors from several slaves about this. So be it. I shall make these defiant Warner people pay for this blasphemy with their very lives! You have done well Paul, and pending you continue kneel for the remainder of your days, I shall allow you to live.

Name:........... Non
E-Mail:.......... ozunaki@yahoo.com

===============================
My Question:
Oh great and almighty Zod, ruler of this universe, I am non, your loyal servant. I ask your highness this, whos is better, me or ursa? Please respond almighty Zod!

Zod's Response: Pathetic. Do you humans really believe you could deceive me by trying to impersonate Non? Non can't even speak properly, nor can he write. Non also happens to be at my side quite frequently, so if he had a concern, he certainly would not send me a message from a slave's email account by the name of "Ozunaki". The punishment for impersonating Zod, Non, or Ursa is DEATH. I shall seek you out and destroy you Ozunaki!

Name:........... Laverne Villalobos
E-Mail:.......... agtudngvjyofeh@saintly.com

===============================
My Question:
Discoverr the new winnning sexaul erectoin pilll!
This medicatib0n picks up where Viaqgra stops.

0nly $ 2.20 PER DOSE!

Zod's Response: Puny human, it is ironic that you mention pills, for no amount of pills will be able to ease your suffering when I am through tearing you apart with my bare hands.

Name:........... Smackcracky
E-Mail:.......... Smackcracky@aol.com

===============================
My Question:
Dear General ZOD,

I find myself wondering what your opinion is on gay marriages and abortion. I am sure that you will have the solution that Planet Houston has been searching for. You seem to come from a "Sexually liberated" planet, as demonstrated by your devotion to your sadistic, wild eyed girlfriend and furry, "monkey man" sidekick. Us on Planet Houston can only wonder what happens in the glorious bedroom of General ZOD, but since you never seem to have time to take off your pajamas, it must be exhausting. I await your superior advice on this confusing subject...

Zod's Response: What I do not understand is why matters such as marriage of any sexes would concern a slave who should be doing nothing but kneeling in tribute to me! It appears as though you will soon discover my opinion on abortion, however, for I have just decided to abort your life! DIE AS YOU DESERVE TO!

Name:........... eric husk
E-Mail:.......... kartracer18@prodigy.net 

===============================
My Question:
o powerful ZOD i would like to kneel before you but i have no legs what should i do?

Zod's Response: An understandable question that many slaves have asked before. I have actually shot off the legs of a few defiant slaves in the past and they too begged to know how they could now kneel before me. The answer is simple. You must now lie face-down before Zod. Do you understand? LAY BEFORE ZOD!

Name:........... jake
E-Mail:.......... thormxer065@earthlink.net

===============================
My Question:
hey zod, i have already sold my sole to satan but i want to sell my sole to you. what should i do?

Zod's Response: Pathetic slave, what on Houston makes you think I would have any interest in purchasing your shoes?

Name:........... Concerned Slave
E-Mail:.......... Orsky62@hotmail.com

===============================
My Question:
A man name George W. Bush just said you were part of the "Axis of Evil", what do you intend to do?

Zod's Response: I shall make him beg for my forgiveness as he kneels before his rightful ruler. If he does not comply, he will then die as he deserves to for his defiance!

Name:........... Unicron
E-Mail:.......... unicron@yahoo.com

===============================
My Question:
I am Unicron!

Anyway, are we allowed to cease kneeling long enough to procreate? If not you will run out of slaves.

Zod's Response: A just question, my slave. The answer to your question is obviously "NO". I will choose slaves who are worthy enough to carry the seed of Zod. Giving birth to a little Zodling is a great honor, but with that honor comes death. For the Zodling does not exit the mother's womb in the same fashion that your human infants do. No, the little Zodling exits by cutting a hole in the mother's stomach with his or her eye-lasers.

Name:........... Nova
E-Mail:.......... Nova095@msn.com

===============================
My Question:
ZOD... From this day forward, you shall know that among your "Slaves" there are those, as myself, who do not fear of this unimaginable power that you wield, for the forces that we ourselves have far surpass that in the fact that we CANNOT BE DESTROYED. I, myself, am immortal, and while I cannot destroy you, the same goes the other way around. NO AMOUNT of power can destroy me. And your futile attempts to do so will end in your inevitable downfall. Mwahahahahahaha! KNEEL ZOD, KNEEL!!!

Zod's Response: Soon-to-be-obliterated defiant one, you are obviously suffering from delusions of grandeur. Perhaps you have watched one "movie" too many... perhaps it was this "Lord of the Rings" that I have heard much about. Do you think you are an immortal elven warrior? Allow me to assure you: you are NOT. For here on planet Houston, all of my slaves BLEED. And bleed you shall as I crush your defiant, mortal skull!

Name:........... Thanas Tenofas
E-Mail:.......... Basilisk_Knight_Eron@MSN.com

===============================
My Question:
THEORETICALLY, if you were to die somehow (though I'm sure it is impossible) should we continue to kneel in the absence of your glorious presence? What if a new leader comes and forces us to stand? what should we do? I want to be able to serve you properly in any event, so I need to be prepared for all circumstances.

Thank you for your blessed leadership! it brings meaning to us all!

Zod's Response: Impossible. I cannot and will not die. I shall outlive every one of you. Furthermore, if anybody ever dared to come to planet Houston to challenge my rule by commanding you all to "stand" as opposed to kneeling, I would kill this insolent being immediately. If you truly wish to be prepared for all circumstances, you only need but a strong desire to kneel before your one and only true leader... ZOD!

Name:........... Musicpsycho
E-Mail:.......... Musicpsycho@mindspring.com

===============================
My Question:
Should I break up with my girlfriend using the telephone or a letter? Which is more personal, and likely to cause the least amount of stabbing?

Zod's Response: Just as you cannot bargain with what you do not have to offer, you cannot "break up" with whom you aren't "dating" in the first place. This female whom you speak of has already found the most impressive male on this planet and she has given her loyalty to him. That man is YOUR RULER, ZOD! KNEEL!

Name:........... Little Jonny Evans
E-Mail:.......... mrpickles@staffingtools.com

===============================
My Question:

All hail Mighty Zod, our Rightful Ruler!!

Dear General Zod, I am writing a report for my sixth grade class (at Kneel Before Zod P.S. 5, Cape Zod, MA) and was hoping you would answer a question for me about Krypton.

Did you have the internet on Krypton, and if so, what kind of bandwidth did you have?

-little jonny evans

Zod's Response: What is this bandwidth you speak of? I have seen your human "bands", who often perform wretched "music". Upon becoming famous, I notice that the width of the members of said band often increases. I can only assume this is the "bandwidth" which you are so concerned with. So, to answer your question, there was none of this "bandwidth" you speak of on Krypton. The inhabitants of that planet at least knew when to put down their eating utensils.

Name:........... Rhinodung
E-Mail:.......... _figgypudding@mad.scientist.com

===============================
My Question:
While being forced to kneel and serve you for the rest of our pitiful lives has dramatically reduced many problems (example: finding jobs, paying bills... etc) we had before your great, all-powerful arrival. There is one problem that many of us seek an answer to: Death! What happens when this befalls us and we can no longer serve and kneel? Are those who served you rewarded while those who resisted suffer for the rest of eternity?

Zod's Response: A fine question my loyal slave. The reward for living a full life in tribute to me is quite grand. Upon the day of your death, myself, Non, or Ursa shall personally bury you in the "National Cemetary of Worthy Servants". These worthy servants are not confined to small boxed prisons. We don't put you in a box at all! We bury you in a kneeling position so that even in the afterlife you can be a worthy slave. Those who do not lead such an obedient lifestyle shall have their corpses eaten and then excreted by Non.

Name:........... dagger
E-Mail:.......... dagger@armyofrobots.com

===============================
My Question:
If ninjas and pirates get into a fight on a pirate ship, who wins?

Zod's Response: Who are these "ninja"? Who are these "pirates" and how did they get a "ship" without my expressed permission? I can answer your question quite easily. Neither the ninja nor the pirates would win, for I would kill them all with my bare hands.

Name:........... thehitman66
E-Mail:.......... thehitman66@hotmail.com

===============================
My Question:
General Zod,

Prior to your taking over the planet "Houston", the rank of general was not the highest authority in this country... the President of the United States was. All Generals answered to him. Would you ever consider changing your title to "President Zod" or "Supreme Chancellor Zod" or something that might better reflect the position you occupy?

Zod's Response: And prior to my rule, you were allowed to stand, rather than grovel before me on your knees. "President" is no longer a rank on planet Houston. I, General Zod, am the highest ranking being on this earth, followed by Non and Ursa. Anyone else is a mere slave.

Name:........... Andrew
E-Mail:.......... rapturebubble@hotmail.com

===============================
My Question:
Try as I might, I cannot seem to acheive tight abs. Crunches, sit-ups, dieting, aerobics--it's all been futile. What's your secret, oh slim one?

Zod's Response: It's quite simple: Eye-laser surgery.

Name:........... Shecky Rimshot
E-Mail:.......... Hahacienda@joker.com

===============================
My Question:
As I kneel before you, groveling like the inferior mortal I am... I can't help but wonder if you get bored with us always kneeling? Is it all right for us to mix it up with a little cowering or trembling occasionally?

Zod's Response: Absolutely my slave. After all, a true leader cannot have the attention of his servants if he does not invoke some fear into their hearts. Continue with your kneeling, cowering, and trembling!

Name:........... The Protective Monkey of Binky
E-Mail:.......... protectivemonkey908@hotmail.com

===============================
My Question:
Do you almighty ZOD understand the enigma that is Free Chicken?

Zod's Response: How is "Free Chicken" an enigma? It is no mystery that anything I want, I take. Therefore, everything that exists, is free for your rightful leader, Zod, to use as I please.

Name:........... Mr.E.
E-Mail:.......... mister_e@onclicktraining.com

===============================
My Question:
I have a two part question.
1. Why did the fireman wear red suspenders?
2. Why did the chicken cross the road?
Is it a Mr.E. to you?!?

Zod's Response: That was a three part question, my ignorant slave. Nevertheless, I shall answer them:

1) It represents the red sun of Krypton.

2) So he could come kneel before me.

3) No you are not Mr. E to me. You are "SLAVE".

Zod's Response: All "songs", theme and otherwise, should have the original words replaced with "General Zod". As long as you continue to kneel, I see nothing wrong with singing in tribute to me. However, should you have a voice that I find unpleasing, I shall kill you for your aural disturbance.

Name:........... kb
E-Mail:.......... bass0901@aol.com

===============================
My Question:
When kneeling, is the use of a kneeling bench or pad acceptable, or must the kneeling take place on the bare floor? Your faithful servant...Death to the son of Jor-El!!!

Zod's Response: Absolutely not! There is to be no aid issued to your knees. Kneeling is your way of paying tribute to me, ZOD! It is your way of saying you would rather accept pain as opposed to defying your rightful leader. I had better not find that any of you are using kneeling benches or pads, for if I do, I assure you that your deaths will be tremendously brutal. KNEEL!

Name:........... Dave
E-Mail:.......... dragonslair_08060@yahoo.com

===============================
My Question:
Oh great, powerful, wise, and incredibly handsome Zod. I was wondering when your birthday is so I can make you something special. I know that you own everything on the planet Huston but if I make something it would by all rights belong to you anyway but I would love the honor of bestowing it on to you while I was kneeling before you

Zod's Response: My date of birth should be celebrated every day for all eternity. You are my slave, and this gift you wish to make me should take you an entire lifetime to create. You may present it to me with your dying breath. Anything less, will be deemed unacceptable and punishable by death.

Name:........... Jeremy Folk
E-Mail:.......... milleniumcube@yahoo.com

===============================
My Question:
We all know for a fact that Superman, that puny son of Jor-El, has worn red briefs that have been worn down into a dull, girlish pink, but I ask you mighty emperor of planet Houston, do you wear a pair of boxers as crimson as the Kryptonian sun?

Zod's Response: I do not know of these "boxers" you speak of, so I consulted one of my slaves. They explained that I go "commando-style", so I believe that should answer your question. Now kneel! Kneel before the "commando-style" greatness of Zod!

Name:........... A concerned slave
E-Mail:.......... biladams@iglou.com

===============================
My Question:
O Great Zod, our rightful ruler,

Before you came to our planet Houston, there were people who could defeat Superman with this stuff called Kryptonite. Do you ever worry that these people would try to defeat you with that stuff?

Zod's Response: An understandable concern, my slave. Nonetheless, you needn't worry, for all kryptonite has been completely destroyed. And even if it did exist, do you honestly think that a human would be so clever as to get it close enough to me before I killed him for his defiance? I think not.

Name:........... Cyclonis
E-Mail:.......... PeterMantua@yahoo.com

===============================
My Question:
Who are you to claim the earth it is rightfully that of my general and master, Megatron Lord of the Decepticons.

Zod's Response: I have already claimed planet Houston, but if there is a planet called "Earth" I shall claim it too! And not you, or this "Megatron" can stop me! Come to me Megatron! I defy you! Come! Come and kneel before Zod! ZOD!!!!!!!!!!!

Name:........... Mad Margaret
E-Mail:.......... madmargaret@yahoo.com

===============================
My Question:
Do I have to kneel? I mean, it's not that I mind kneeling so much, but it's the getting up part that really puts a crink in my back. Literally. Anyway, great Zod, my question is this: how many licks *does* it take to get to the chewy center of a Tootsie Pop?

Zod's Response: Then do not get up! Kneel for all eternity my slave! And what is this "Tootsie Pop" you speak of? Whatever it may be, I assure you that it wouldn't take ANY licks to reach the center of it. One blast from my eye-lasers and the center would be exposed immediately.

Zod's Response: You know less about me than most slaves, so I shall educate you before I destroy you. I *AM* invulnerable and do not require sleep. Sleep is, as I have said many times in the past, something that only primitive mortals such as yourself require. Furthermore, even if I were to sleep, I would still remain unharmed. Do you really think an inferior mortal like yourself could find a way to even scratch me? I think not. And as for your original question... I am ruler of this planet, I do not have to choose between "Kraft macaroni and cheese" and "EasyMac". No, I can have them both! Yes, as ruler of the planet Houston, I get to enjoy the pleasantries of mixing both "Kraft Macaroni and Cheese" and "EasyMac" together! A meal that is truly worthy of ZOD!

Name:........... Roll the Potatoe
E-Mail:.......... impendingstatistic@yahoo.com

===============================
My Question:
Do you realize that when you command you're cowering slaves to kneel before you, you are in fact leaving yourself vulnerable to the possibility of an act of rebellion in the form of someone tying your bootlaces together. This could cause you to fall over and undermine your authority.

Zod's Response: Foolish slave, my bootlaces are just as impenetrable as my own flesh. You do not possess the strength to untie them, for they are tied with a powerful double-knot. Furthermore, any slave or slaves that would dare attempt such a foolish act of defiance would meet their demise as I crush their windpipes with the heel of my boot!

Name:........... Superman
E-Mail:.......... superman@superman.com

===============================
My Question:
If I kneel before you, do you PROMISE to keep your pants zipped.

If you do proceed to unzip your pants, I will have no choice but to rip your weenie out of its sockets, and throw you into another Neon Coke sign.

~Superman

Zod's Response: The Son Of Jor-El... still here on this planet? Come to me Son Of Jor-El! KNEEL BEFORE ZOD!

Name:........... Tim
E-Mail:.......... ALLHAILTIM@aol.com

===============================
My Question:
Dear ZOD,

Dear Mighty excellent bodacious ZOD,
I try and kneel before ZOD about 3 times a week, but in my busy techno life, I don't have the time required to do this everyday. So if you could blow up all the corporations and credit card companies on earth, so I have no distractions from worshipping you, that would be great. Also pay no attention to my email. I am changing it to: ALLHAILZOD@ZODRULESALL.com. is that ok?

Zod's Response: Your new email address will be acceptable, but the amount of time you are currently spending each week to kneel before me is not. 3 times a week? You are lucky I have not torn you apart yet. Corporations, credit cards, "techno"... these are no longer worries for you humans. You must spend every moment kneeling before me as my loyal servants. Do this and you shall live. Do it not, and you shall die.

Name:........... The Phone Monkeys
E-Mail:.......... lady_sinn@hotmail.com

===============================
My Question:
Mighty Zod,

As you are All-Knowing, we have a question that has been causing us much concern: is it true that the Government is experimenting with psychic powers to destroy other countries and/or small children?

Thank you for your great wisdom in this matter.

Zod's Response: How many times must I explain to you insolent mortals... there is no longer any government. The only body that is ruling over things is me, your ruler... ZOD! And I have not yet begun experimenting with psychic powers to destroy countries and small childen, but it is something that I will consider for the future. Now KNEEL BEFORE ZOD!

Name:........... Curious Slave
E-Mail:.......... smapdi@comcast.net

===============================
My Question:
My lord, while kneeling before you and praising your very name, I was struck by a moment of intrigue: If Superman, Mario, Jim Raynor from StarCraft, Link from the Legend of Zelda, Elminster from the Forgotten Realms, and a big pink bunny all got into a fight, how long would you wait before intervening and kicking all of their lilly asses? In the meantime, I solemnly kneel.

Zod's Response: Who are these people that you speak of? I have already proven that the son of Jor-El is no match for me, but who are these others that you speak of? Bring them to me! Come to me Mario, Jim Raynor, Link, and Elminster if you all dare! I defy you! Come! Come and kneel before zod! ZOD!!!!!!!!

Name:........... zia
E-Mail:.......... hiayrikhfia@yahoo.com

===============================
My Question:
why the hell are you so ugly?

Zod's Response: Well "Zia", we shall soon see who is deemed less attractive when I paint the planet red with your blood!

Name:........... Kator
E-Mail:.......... kator1@yahoo.com

===============================
My Question:
My mighty Lord and Master Zod,

While kneeling in humble reverence of you, I saw something... disturbing. On a rack, there was a comic of your villainous arch-foe Superman, that proclaimed your famous words, "Kneel Before...". Upon opening said comic, I found that there was a person claiming to be you, dear and almighty Zod, although cased in red armor from head to toe. While this 'General Zod' thoroughly trashed the Last Peon Of Krypton, I could not help but wonder if you allowed this to take place? And if so, should I bow to this Zod as well, since any who bear the name Zod have to be related to the almighty Zod?

Kneeling for an answer,
Kator

Zod's Response: I am pleased to see that some humans are worshipping me by trying to show it with their "artistic" skills. However, if you are going to depict your ruler, General Zod, you MUST depict me exactly as I appear before you today. And why would somebody who is completely indestructible require this "red armor" that you speak of? This is a poor representation of your ruler indeed and such a mistake will inevitably result in the death of this "comic" creator.

Name:........... shadow
E-Mail:.......... shadow@hotmail.com

===============================
My Question:
General Zod,Overlord of the universe, is it at all satisfying being ruler of all you survey, knowing there is noone but to challenge you? How do you occupy your time when moments of clarity set in knowing full well you will never be defeated? Forgive me insolence all mighty ZOD, but are you the most ultimate arbitrarily advanced contingent based entity or are you beyond contingency and are of a necessary status?

kneeling in acquiescence to the almighty ZOD......ZOD!

IN NOMINE DEI NOSTRI ZOD EXCELSI!
that was just a bit of Latin expressing adoration for you the mighty Lord of Lords

Zod's Response: Loyal slave, indeed finding things to occupy my time with when I am the ruler of all that exists might seem difficult in the eyes of a small mind such as yours. But I assure you, I have plenty to do. I travel all over planet Houston to make sure there are no acts of defiance taking place. This alone takes up most of my time. Whenever I find an act of defiance taking place, I must kill everybody involved and destroy the surrounding areas to make an example. So as you can see, there is more than enough to occupy my time. And now I will take up some more of my time by telling you one very important thing: KNEEL BEFORE ZOD!

Name:........... Ryan
E-Mail:.......... hermes_trimestigius@hotmail.com

===============================
My Question:
If you were to get into a fight with the Green Lantern, would you have some kind of special power over him, because that you derive your power from the yellow sun. Or is it just that you dress up in black pleather and would be weak against his awesome might. Also, what would happen if there were a crossover and you got into a fight with Bird Man, he also derives his powers from the sun, would you both be equally powerful being that you have the same power source?

Zod's Response: Who are these characters, Green Lantern and Bird Man, that you speak of? They a probably figments of your imagination. Even if they were real, they could not possibly be as strong as ZOD! I am pleased to hear about this Bird Man however. I see that you are practiced in worshipping things that fly... good.

Name:........... Rhinodung
E-Mail:.......... figgypudding@mad.scientist.com

===============================
My Question:
My rightful ruler, hero and mentor,
On account of a faulty back, once kneeling to your awesome might I found that it would be impossible to ever extract myself from this position. Would it be acceptable to act as a pathetic extension of your supreme will from this position of genuflection? If this example of human frailty displeases you, I can only hope to die by your hands.

Zod's Response: On the contrary, the fact that you are now in a permanent kneeling position, you have nothing to fear. For kneeling before me for all eternity is the greatest way one can honor me. So continue to kneel before me, loyal slave, you shall be allowed to live a life of servitude for your ruler, General Zod.

Name:........... Chris
E-Mail:.......... chrismgeorge@hotmail.com

===============================
My Question:
Do you wear underwear under your shiny clothes? And if so are they from Krypton?

Zod's Response: Such matters do not concern you. I find it disturbing that you are so focused on my clothing, rather than being concern with the fact that I might kill you in the near future.

Name:........... martzod
E-Mail:.......... maz_oj@yahoo.co.uk

===============================
My Question:
do you pluck your eyebrows?

Zod's Response: What sort of nonsense is this?? You shall be killed for your insolence.

Name:........... eddie harrison
E-Mail:.......... edcom90@hotmail.com

===============================
My Question:
General Zod, I've got a touch of rheumatism in my knees and wondered if you hd any exercises I could use to help get them moving again?

Zod's Response: The only thing you need to exercise is your daily worship of me!

Name:........... Bobbie
E-Mail:.......... kbobfresh@hotmail.com

===============================
My Question:
There is a car blocking my parking spot. Could you please blow it out of the way? P.S. You rock.

Zod's Response: Not only did I destroy the intrusive car that you mentioned, but I have destroyed your parking spot as well.

Name:........... General Zod
E-Mail:.......... superfighter555@yahoo.com

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My Question:
Who do you think that you are?!?!?!!? How dare you impersonate a general, especially me, Zod!!!!!!!!!! I tell you to kneel before me or perish in the hell fires of Zod!!!!!

Zod's Response: For your absurd attempt to act as a Zod impostor, I will see that you are torn apart. Die as you deserve to!

Name:........... Galvin Chow
E-Mail:.......... gchow@haverford.edu

===============================
My Question:
Dear General Zod Our Supreme Ruler,

If you could have any Earth-woman -- and you can -- which one would you choose? I myself favor Delta Burke.

Sincerely,
Slave #2623921

Zod's Response: Loyal Slave, although I could have any earth woman I so desired, no earth woman could possibly be worthy of the great Zod. Nor could any earth woman compare to Ursa.

Name:........... Pinto
E-Mail:.......... steve@hotsr.com

===============================
My Question:
Since you've been tooling around the universe and have no doubt traveled at light speed, I have a question. If you are in a car traveling the speed of light and turn on your head lights, what happens? Just curious, your evil lordship type dude.

Zod's Response: Since you have addressed me as your lordship, I will grant you this answer, even though I would never ride in such a crude means of transportation like a "car". If a weak mortal like yourself were to travel at the speed of light in a car and then turn on the head lights, you would be vaporized instantly. Your fragile body structure cannot handle such intense rays of light. But such a death would be much easier than the death I will hand to you should ever dare to defy me! Now kneel before your lordship, General Zod!

Name:........... Dark Jedi
E-Mail:.......... DarkJedi@lightsides.com

===============================
My Question:
If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine. I am not the Jedi you're looking for. I can go about my business. Move along.

Zod's Response: So, you are a Jedi. I remember your weak species. Non and I have snapped the necks of a thousand Jedi. I now see that we have one more neck to snap.

Name:........... Steve
E-Mail:.......... steve@hotsr.com

===============================
My Question:
So, what are your Grammy picks this year? Think Linkin Park will win best new artist or Alicia Keys? Come on, put some of that all-knowing, all-seeing mojo to work and give us the scoop.....

Zod's Response: What is this "Grammy"? I will defeat him if he ever dares show his face before me! Kneel before me Alicia Keys! Kneel before me Linkin Park! I, General Zod am your rightful leader!

Name:........... SJ
E-Mail:.......... revsj@yahoo.com

===============================
My Question:
My friends and I are overwhelmed by your manliness and sexual charisma. Can we join your harem to be used as Your Mightiness sees fit? PS We are all women.

Zod's Response: You will have to speak with Ursa regarding such matters. If you can defeat her, I will allow you to live and stand by my side. However, I sincerely doubt this will ever happen. The probable outcome is that she will make you kneel before her, just as you now kneel before me!

Name:........... Superman II
E-Mail:.......... c_man7@hotmail.com

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My Question:
Hey Zod,

If you're so powerful and a supposed "ruler" then why did you fall for Superman's trap in the Fortress of Solitude? That shows you're stupid compared to the Man of Steel.

Zod's Response: Why do you say this to me when you know I will kill you for it? As I have stated many times in the past, that was not me in that foolish "movie". It was what you humans call an "actor". I have discovered that his name is Terrence Stamp and I will kill him soon enough for portraying me as someone who could be defeated by this "Superman". I have already defeated your weak Superman. And now, I shall crush you with my bare hands! KNEEL!

Name:........... Quake Master
E-Mail:.......... spile.agp@dslky.net

===============================
My Question:
Does the almighty Zod play Quake 3? If so, I would challenge his highness to a duel...

Zod's Response: Quake? I assume you are referring to earthquakes. Lex Luthor once informed me about his attempt to sink California into the sea by using earthquakes to his advantage. I am sure that you are not as adapt at earthquake creation as he is. And I already know that I can create earthquakes a thousand times greater than Lex Luthor's. Therefore, your challenge is empty. SO KNEEL BEFORE ZOD OR DIE AS YOU DESERVE TO!

Name:........... Ben
E-Mail:.......... scheisst@aol.com

===============================
My Question:
Neither I nor any member of my family shall ever kneel before you or swear any loyalty to you. What do you have to say about that?

Zod's Response: Then you and your family will all share a fate far worse than the Son of Jorel's! KNEEL OR PERISH!

Name:........... Santa Clause
E-Mail:.......... memphis_reins@superstreetonline.com

===============================
My Question:
Dear General Zod,
I have noticed while checking my list twice, that you have asked for a Superman action figure. Is this really true? Your Friend, Santa.

Zod's Response: Who is this Santa? I defy you! Come! Come and Kneel Before Zod! ZOD!!!!

Name:........... Bin Laden
E-Mail:.......... binladen@aol.com

===============================
My Question:
I AM BIN LADEN AND WILL ACCEPT NO OTHER WORLD LEADERS!!! ALL YOR HOUSTON ARE BELONG TO US

Zod's Response: So humans, Bin Laden has still eluded your capture? Wrong. What the world doesn't realize is that I have already killed him for leaving me the above message. He was easy to kill and he squealed like a little school girl. I enjoyed killing him, and then I buried his remains under a large pile of of rhinoceros droppings. A very fitting demise if I do say so myself.

Name:........... Nathan Ingram
E-Mail:.......... theredeye44@hotmail.com

===============================
My Question:
Dear Zod,

"The Horse Whisperer". Love it? Hate it? Love to hear your thoughts.

Zod's Response: Very well. I will have you know that nobody knows how to influence a horse more than I. I thought that was very evident considering what happened to the Son of Jorel.

Name:........... Justin Ballard
E-Mail:.......... jballard@berklee.edu 

===============================
My Question:
Do you have herpes?

Zod's Response: No, but I can promise that you'll be feeling a burning sensation once you meet the wrath of my eye-lasers!

Name:........... Motslu2k
E-Mail:.......... Motslu2k@hotmail.com 

===============================
My Question:
General, is it suitable for me to cower at your feet? I am so terrified that kneeling does not seem worthy of your powers. P.S. Do eye lasers make it easier to cook?

Zod's Response: Excellent. Being afraid of Zod is how all of my loyal slaves should feel. You may cower at my feet, but first you must KNEEL. KNEEL BEFORE ZOD! And yes, eye-lasers do indeed make cooking easier, as I have demonstrated in the past.

Name:........... nigoki
E-Mail:.......... cellsenior@yahoo.com 

===============================
My Question:
I have no knees. How am I supposed to kneel before you?

Zod's Response: Humans are already inferior as it is, but a human with no knees is something I have no use for. If you cannot kneel before me, then you will die as you deserve to!

Name:........... Jay
E-Mail:.......... patchkord@hotmail.com 

===============================
My Question:
Dear Zod,
At what point did you formulate your plan for world/universal domination? Was it in the Phantom zone or merely when you encountered the sniveling inhabitants of Earth and realized how easily we are dominated?

Zod's Response: I find it strange that you, a human, describe your kind as "sniveling inhabitants of Earth". First, I must correct you. The planet is called "Houston", not "Earth". Next, I was born with the knowledge that I was destined to be ruler of all that exists. And last, KNEEL BEFORE ZOD!

Name:........... Dan Moore
E-Mail:.......... PM5Kdm@hotmail.com 

===============================
My Question:
Do you like pancakes?

Zod's Response: What are these "pancakes" you speak of? They are no match for my powers! Show yourselves cowardly pancakes! Show yourselves! COWARDS!

Name:........... Bryan-El
E-Mail:......... hailhalford@mediaone.net

===============================
My Question:
Does the all-powerful Zod have a last name? Or is your first name General?

Zod's Response: My full name is "Zod". Human slaves are allowed to refer to me in any of the following ways:
1) Zod
2) General Zod
3) Our Rightful Ruler/Leader

Name:........... Bryan-El
E-Mail:.......... hailhalford@mediaone.net 

===============================
My Question:
In many millions of years, when Earth's yellow sun goes nova and fades to the red glow of your native Krypton, won't you in fact be powerless and no longer able to enforce any rule, even on the then lifeless Houston? I ask because this would turn the notion of your eternal rule to nothing but a farce dreamed up by a pleather-clad alien with self-worth issues. 
Your humble slave, Bryan-El of Houston

Zod's Response: Another question from the same slave? You are pushing your luck, mortal. I have the strength to move planets. Do you not think that I could fly directly into the sun, the very sun that gives me such powers, and move it so that it would not ever collide with planet Houston? Do not ever doubt me, or I shall be forced to make a demonstration of my powers and you will be the one to suffer the consequences.

Name:........... darius
E-Mail:.......... duga79@hotmail.com 

===============================
My Question:
Zod, is there a phone number for the Krypton tourist board that i can phone for a vacation.

Zod's Response: Slaves are not allowed to have any "vacations" as you call them. Only I, your ruler, can enjoy such privileges. Now KNEEL!

Name:........... worm
E-Mail:.......... bumpyknees@anonymous.to 

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My Question:
Is groveling before Zod also acceptable?

Zod's Response: Yes, as long as you are kneeling while doing so.

Name:........... Lois Lane
E-Mail:.......... loislane@hotmail.com 

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My Question:
Hey Zod, i am incredibly attracted to you.. and i must make love to you as soon as possible! but one thing stands in the way... Batman... i think he's this guy i use to date named Bruce Wayne, can you take him out so i can satisfy my "itch" with you ?

Zod's Response: Why do you say these things to me when you know I will kill you for it?

Name:........... Jesse
E-Mail:.......... increased_ego@j-e-s-u-s.net 

===============================
My Question:
hello Generel Zod, do you like Sega Dreamcast, Sony Playstation2, Nintendo gamecube, or Microsoft Xbox? oh and speaking of which... the Bill Gates guy is getting awefully powerful for a mere Human... perhaps you should kill him.

Zod's Response: What are these things you speak of? You humans are full of such utter nonsense, I often question whether it is worth ruling you instead of killing every last one of you. Either way, I shall be riding the planet of you soon enough, coward!

Name:........... Deac
E-Mail:.......... deaconfrost99@yahoo.com 

===============================
My Question:
i worship you almighty Zod. I am a waste of air compared to your awsome greatness. i have but one question to ask my lord, when will you kill the Prime Minister of Canada, Jean Chretein, and assume your rightful position as Ruler of Canada? cause this Jean Chretein is saying on TV that he's the leader of Canada, and his defiance deeply angers me, the pathetic French Man thinks he's better then Zod? He must be killed.

Zod's Response: Who is this French Man? Come to me French Man, if you dare! I defy you! Come! Come and kneel before Zod! ZOD!!!

Name:........... F Street
E-Mail:.......... fstreet111@hotmail.com 

===============================
My Question:
When you were trapped in the Phantom Zone, how often did you beat your meat?

Zod's Response: You must be the sole reason the concept of "inferiority" was created. KNEEL BEFORE ZOD!

Name:........... John
E-Mail:.......... rtfldgr@hotmail.com 

===============================
My Question:
All Hail Lord Zod!

May I ask if you have any regrets? And if your regret is letting me live this long, please allow me to extinguish my own life.

Zod's Response: Your display of support for my rule is admirable, but you do not have the choice when your life shall be extinguished. You may not die without my permission. And when you die, it will most certainly be by my own hands. There is no death more honorable.

Name:........... Frank Hanley
E-Mail:.......... yelnah@yahoo.com 

===============================
My Question:
It would be nice if you could mentor poor Non and teach him how to properly shoot his laser eye beams. Why don't you do this?

Zod's Response: Perhaps it would also be nice if I sent Non to your quarters where he would proceed to tear you apart! Now kneel!

Name:........... The Artful Dodger
E-Mail:.......... artfuldodger9@yahoo.com 

===============================
My Question:
I kneel down before you, oh great Zod, and vow loyalty to you... I do have a question for you, however, and I hope you do not find me insolent for doing so. Do you copulate with your colleague Ursa, and if not, what is your relationship 
with her?

Zod's Response: Copulation is for the weak. Myself and Ursa are invincible and eternal, so there is absolutely no need for us to procreate. I am eternal and this is why I shall rule forever!

Name:........... Colin Fones-Wolf
E-Mail:.......... fonesw_c@denison.edu 

===============================
My Question:
General Zod, I was wondering why you go with the beard look? You'd have much sharper -- thus more menacing -- features if you just shaved.

Zod's Response: My beard suggests the wisdom and leadership that comes with age. Each whisker is strong enough to poke through your puny human skull. Perhaps I shall use you to demonstrate!

Name:........... Jeff
E-Mail:.......... hobes6degree@hotmail.com 

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My Question:
Oh Magnificent One, I was wondering if you could help out my basketball team, Team Metalbeast. I know with your great wisdom we can conquer the Intramural Championship. What advice can you give to my team?

Zod's Response: Team? What team is this? Are you humans trying to band together to fight me? Do you not remember what happened the last time you attempted this? I literally blew one of your cities away. KNEEL BEFORE YOUR RULER OR YOU WILL DIE.

Name:........... Lex Luthor
E-Mail:.......... Abused@aol.com 

===============================
My Question:
Zod, How does it feel to know that i played you like a puppet in my plan to own the world... you were merely a pawn in my war with Superman. Kneel Before LEX

Zod's Response: Lex Luthor. For your defiance, I have dispatched Non and Ursa to kill you. You are no longer "ruler of Australia". I have instead handed rule of Australia to "Steve Irwin", a man who hunts strange "crocodile" creatures. He displays much more bravery than you ever have, coward. And he also submits to me to do my bidding. A very loyal slave indeed.

Name:........... Erin
E-Mail:.......... spartanspirit@usa.net 

===============================
My Question:
Who is your favorite New Kid? I like Joey.

Zod's Response: All human children are "new" since they were all recently born. So why do you feel the need to call them "new"? Your lack of intellect stuns me. And who is this Joey that you speak of? One of my slaves I imagine...

Name:........... Onassis,The Next Generation
E-Mail:.......... nkg@usa.net 

===============================
My Question:
I am a man of great power from the place called Greece on the planet Houston..I also have large amounts of money to spend in order to help you become the true ruller of planet Houston..All I ask in return is that Ursa becomes my girlfriend....I know you can persuade her to kneel before me.....All hail General Zod!!!!

Zod's Response: You cannot bargain with what you do not have to offer. You have no power and your money is useless to me. I am ALREADY the ruler of the planet Houston. The only thing I will grant you is the opportunity to KNEEL BEFORE ZOD!

Name:........... The Yamster
E-Mail:.......... yammy@i-mockery.com 

===============================
My Question:
You DO know that I can kick your lily ass, don't you?

Zod's Response: There are no lilies on my posterior, and even if there were, you could not kick them. I am your ruler, and for saying such things, I must kill you.

Name:........... AChimp
E-Mail:.......... achimp@home.com 

===============================
My Question:
How often do you get it on with Ursa? Does Non ever join in for a threesome?

Zod's Response: What is this "get it on" that you speak of? Get what on? As for a threesome, yes Non, Ursa, and Zod equals three. And should you try to defy any one of us, it will be your last living act.

Name:........... Kevin
E-Mail:.......... Sully540@hotmail.com 

===============================
My Question:
Why were you the "teacher" in Young Guns???
Did the whole "Zod" gig not pay off too well...?

Zod's Response: Why are you humans so fascinated with these "guns"? They are just bothersome, crude noisemakers. To answer your question: I am a teacher... the greatest teacher of all time!
I teach people to obey, serve, and KNEEL!

Name:........... Blackjack
E-Mail:.......... Blackjack666@hotmail.com 

===============================
My Question:
Hey ZOD, nice to see your skills at grilling some fine cow with your laser eyes. By any chance are you a Meatatarian?

Zod's Response: A true leader feeds off of the weak, whether they be cattle or humans (though I often can't tell the difference between the two).

Name:........... JJ
E-Mail:.......... webmaster@pigvomit.org 

===============================
My Question:
How many licks does it take to get to the center of YOUR MOM?

Zod's Response: Who is this "Mom" that you speak of? I have no mother, I came from pure energy matter. If I did have a "Mom" she would be my slave or would be killed. And there would be no "licks" to get to the center of her. My eye-lasers would do get to the center of her in one shot. This is what happens to those to defy ZOD!

Name:........... Superman
E-Mail:.......... superman@supergay.com 

===============================
My Question:
Superman loves your baby blues, and he wants to screw! Superman wants to give Zod the rod! Lather me up and call me me Lex, Superman and Zod are going have sex! If you must a have a question, then this I must pose, will you bend me over and give me your hose?
===============================

Zod's Response: Come to me, Superman... If you dare! I defy you! Come! Come and Kneel Before Zod! ZOD!!!!!!!!!!!

Name:........... Mike
E-Mail:.......... mike@hackernetwork.com 

===============================
My Question:
Did you kill that nasty Amidala chick for getting you fired as Chancellor?
===============================

Zod's Response: Why do you say this to me, when you know I will kill you for it?

Name:........... The Beam
E-Mail:.......... licsalinas@hotmail.com 

===============================
My Question:
Do you like The Rentals? Because I think they're the best band ever.
===============================

Zod's Response: I see that you have been experiencing the emotion you call "joy" without my permission. For not obeying me, I will soon kill you as well as this "band of Rentals" that you speak of. KNEEL!

Name:........... Dave
E-Mail:.......... dave@unclestu.com 

===============================
My Question:
I've noticed lately that when I get up in the morning, my eyes seem to be more covered in eye crud than usual. I had a cold recently, but that has gone away. Why do you think my eyes are crusty in the morning?
===============================

Zod's Response: This is because you are a pathetic mortal. Just be glad that I have allowed you to live under my rule for this long. Now wipe the crust from your eyes and KNEEL BEFORE ZOD!

Name:........... max dejtens
E-Mail:.......... cdetjens@calpoly.edu 

===============================
My Question:
Do you find it hard being openly homosexual?
===============================

Zod's Response: I find it hard resisting the urge to kill you for your insolence. In fact, I will no longer resist the urge to kill you... I will instead INDULGE in it!

Name:........... Chris Murphy
E-Mail:.......... murphyland@excite.com 

===============================
My Question:
Why does my mommy tell me it is wrong to worship Lord Zod? Is she evil?
===============================

Zod's Response: I have just killed your "mommy". Worry no more.

Name:........... Chris Giangarlo
E-Mail:.......... Paidkiller@hotmail.com 

===============================
My Question:
How can I get girls to like me zod?
P.S. Superman Sucks
===============================

Zod's Response: I see you dislike Superman, for this I will spare your life. But girls only like ZOD. I suggest you stick to men.

Name:........... The Kapn
E-Mail:.......... thekapn@hotmail.com 

===============================
My Question:
If you're so superior, how come superman kicked your ass, along with your boyfriend and skanky little sister? Apparently, Zod is no match for a REAL All-American Superhero. Maybe you should just keep your day job in the gothic industrial group, that songs pretty good, alot like techno music.
===============================

Zod's Response: Why do you say this to me when you know that I will kill you for it? Do not EVER compare the great music of ZOD to the wretched music known as "techno" that is often found at raves. You human ravers are the lowest form of life I have ever seen. And for this reason, and many more, I will soon kill you. So Kneel Kapn... KNEEL BEFORE ZOD!