"Beaches"
Only the weak relax!

I recently heard about a strange human tradition known as "spring break". The information I have gathered leads me to believe that young humans travel to a location that is near a strange surface. A surface known as "water". Apparently, they travel to these areas to "relax", a concept that no true leader would be familiar with. When you are the rightful leader of the planet Houston, you do not relax...
YOU COMMAND!

Still, I needed to investigate one of these "beaches" to ensure that there were no acts of Zodular disobedience taking place. So, I went to the "beach" and found myself laughing at the stupidity of your younger generations. They know that the sun is harmful to their skin if they are exposed to it for long amounts of time, yet they barely wore any clothes. They actually had to apply lotion to their skin in a cowardly attempt to block the deadly rays of the sun. Perhaps they thought that they too could gain power from the sun? Pathetic humans, I am the only one on this planet who actually gains power from the yellow sun, as it strengthens my molecular density.

I decided to "lie down" on a "beach towel" as I saw that this was a practice that many seemed to enjoy. I was quickly becoming bored with this "beach fun". So bored that I actually fell asleep for one of your human hours. When I awoke, I was shocked to find the horrendous act of defiance that had occurred during my slumber.

Zod is not amused by the antics of the defiant beach peons.

Four of your young female fighters had buried me up to my neck in "sand". This sandy prison they had created was obviously an attempt to make me submit to their will. "Your sandy prison cannot contain me, defiant earth females!" I shouted as I flew upward out of the sand. Did they actually think this weak trap could contain the almighty Zod?? I suppose we will never know, because immediately after escaping my sandy prison, I burned them alive with my eye-lasers and fed them to one of your "sharks".

After disposing of those wretched young sand devils, I was invited by some "athletic" humans to join them in a game of "beach volleyball". They explained to me that in order to win, you must stop the enemy from smashing a crude white ball over the "net". My human teammates exerted so much energy in a desperate attempt to stop our opponents from "spiking" this ball. It was really quite pathetic.

"DIE MORTAL OPPONENT! DIE AS YOU DESERVE TO!"

I showed my teammates that the great General Zod did not need to exert any energy to stop my opponents. My eye-lasers were more than able to handle the weak "spike" attempts of the inferior opponents. It was also very clear that these spike attempts were an act of defiance towards me. So, I killed my opponents. Then I killed my teammates, for I had no use for them anyway.

Another "sport" that I took particular interest in is what you humans call "surfing". I saw some humans standing on crudely carved pieces of wood. They would place these carved pieces of wood in the water and wait for a "wave" to come. The object was to ride the wave without it crushing you, just as I crushed the son of our jailors!

Zod - Surfin' U.S.A.

While all of the other human surfers were crushed underneath these "waves", I was able to rule the waves just as I rule all the inhabitants of planet Houston. I rode a single wave for 2 of your human hours. I have mastered your "sports". And in doing so, I have only demonstrated once again as to just how inferior all of you are to your ruler, ZOD!

To conclude my day at this "beach", I decided to go for a long walk along the shore. A human told me that long walks along the shore were "very romantic". I killed this human for making such a ridiculous statement. Nonetheless, I patrolled the shoreline to make sure all was in compliance with my rule.

A rebel crab!

As I was walking along the beach, I came upon a strange creature known as a "fiddler crab". I picked it up in my hand and commanded it to kneel before me and swear eternal loyalty to Zod. Instead, this crab snapped my hand with his large claw. An impressive display of bravery for such a small creature, but ultimately futile.

The rebel crab burrow!

I threw the crab to the ground, but before I could destroy it with my powerful eye-lasers, it scurried into an underground burrow. "So! He is a coward after all!" I proclaimed with great satisfaction. So be it, if this fiddler wanted to cower from the great Zod in his burrow, than I would make sure he stayed there.

Coward!

I flew to a local Best Buy store. I demanded that they hand a large television set over to me. They claimed that they had none in stock, so I blew their building down and found more than an ample supply of large televisions. After destroying Best Buy, I flew this large television back to the fiddler crab's burrow on the beach. For defiantly attacking me with its claw, I punished the insolent fiddler crab in the worst way. I placed the large television over the entrance to the crab's underground hideout. If it wished to hide from the great Zod, then I was going to make sure it stayed there for all eternity! There is no escape now, fiddler crab! Your cowardly ways have sealed your fate forever!

Let it be known that I have defeated this cowardly fiddler crab. Even with a large claw, it was unable to defeat your ruler, General Zod. And you humans don't even have claws, so where do you think that leaves you?

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