for puny minds.
on "Job Hunting"
have been hearing complaints from many of you humans about
how bad "the economy" is and how you cannot find "jobs".
Have you already forgotten that your only "job" is to kneel
before me and obey my rule? Apparently so, and for this, I
shall kill many of you. But for those of you whom I allow to
live, I will prove to you that these "jobs" you desire
are easy to obtain if you are an intelligent being, and that
the only blame for not acquiring them lies within
I did some research on these "jobs" and discovered that the
first thing one needs to do is create what is called a "resume". Among the
things this "resume" requires are an employment history,
an overview, education, and some references. I was also told
to use "standard resume paper". Do you humans really think
that I, the great General Zod, would use such commonplace
would be no white, cream, or other such colors used for my
resume! The only way a resume can appear to be truly
professional, is if it is done on black paper! Let it be
known that I have created the greatest resume ever. Now, my
slaves, kneel before my resume just as you have kneeled
[CLICK HERE TO
VIEW GENERAL ZOD'S IMPRESSIVE RESUME!]
As you can
see, there is no greater resume than my own. But to
demonstrate the power of my unfathomably perfect resume, I
took it to a local "restaurant" and demanded a job.
Obviously, the "Now Hiring" sign would no longer be
chef" complained that my being hired as his replacement was
unfair. He quickly apologized, however, when he was
presented with the option to be replaced as head chef or to
be crushed in my bare hands and become food seasoning. I
found creating these "meals" in these "restaurants" was
quite easy. Simply put various consumable morsels on a plate
and then demand that the "customers" pay you all the money
that they have in exchange for both the food and their
reputation as a superior chef quickly spread around the
world and I was invited to participate in a cooking
television show known as "Iron Chef". On this show, two
chefs are put up against each other in a battle of the
culinary superiority. I laughed when I heard I had to
"battle" a puny mortal. Yes, there were people who claimed
my methods in the battle were uncustomary... but they, like
my opponent are all dead now. I shall forever rule planet
Houston as Iron Chef Zod!
Iron Chef, Hanzo Morimoto
just moments before having his spine ripped out by Zod.
Now do you
see the reality of your situation my insignificant servants?
The reality is that your economy is fine. It is your lack of
intelligence, skills, and a resume printed on black paper
that is denying you these "jobs" that you so desire. And the
fact is, you will never be "hired", for none of you will
ever be great as I am. So once again, I must remind you
all to get back to the only job you are capable of doing...
to Zod home