"Snoopy Sno-Cones"
Vile Human Slush!

Zod on "Snoopy Sno-Cones"

When I saw the Son of Jorel's fortress I noticed two things: 1) It had no style at all and 2) It was made completely of ice. Ice is a strange substance. It is cold to the very core and if you humans are exposed to it long enough without any warmth, it can kill you. So I suppose I have a lot in common with this substance known as "ice" after all.

Now then, I discovered recently that you humans can take this ice substance in moderation. Even more surprisingly, some of you dare to risk your own demise by actually consuming it. Recently, a little human girl came up to me and handed me what she called, "a sno-cone". She said it was a "treat that tasted very good" and that I should "eat it". Very peculiar. It looked like ice, it was cold as ice, but it was not nearly as strong as ice. Furthermore it had been colored red, as if to mock it. This ice had been defeated by a little girl. Naturally, I took this as a sign that she wanted to defy me. So, I threw the "sno-cone" to the ground and then killed her.

Still, this "sno-cone" had me vexed. How did a once glorious block of ice get reduced to such a pathetic state? Where did the red coloring come from? And why did the defiant human child want me to consume it? Being the wise leader of planet Houston that I am, I looked up the term "sno-cone" on the internet. And I believe I have found what is responsible for the ice's demise: THE SNOOPY SNO-CONE MACHINE.

Zod and the Sno-Cone Machine - face to face.
Zod meets the Snoopy Sno-Cone Machine.

I visited the parents of this little girl and demanded that they surrender their Snoopy Sno-Cone Machine to me at once. I was disgusted with what they handed to me. So, this is the device which you humans use to torture and consume ice is it? Is it because you know that large amounts of ice and no shelter can kill each of you? Is this where you pathetic drones find your amusement? Well, we shall see...

Zod prepares to crush the helpless ice.

I decided to create my own "Snoopy Sno-Cone" to prove that not only could I dominate all humans, but I could also dominate the ice which you all feel threatened by. There were strange markings on this machine. I assumed that "Snoopy" was the creature that sat atop the machine as he ruled over the defeated ice. I discovered that the "snow man" figure contained a liquid. A RED LIQUID! So, this is how the ice turned red! The booklet that came with this ice-massacre machine states that you must insert the ice and then turn the crank. Once you turn the crank the ice will crush, just as I crushed the son of our jailor! The crushed ice should then be placed into a small paper container and drowned in red liquid. And finally, the ice should be consumed with extreme prejudice. So be it. Even if this red liquid contained a poison, it could not effect me. NOTHING on this planet can kill ZOD!

Zod, dizzy from a sno-cone brain freeze.
Zod regains his composure after an episode of "sno-cone brain freeze".

I consumed a large portion of the "sno-cone" in an instant. I started to feel a strangle tingle inside of my head and a nearby human slave claimed it was something called "brain freeze". Brain freeze? Another pathetic human attempt at overthrowing General Zod! Well, here is what I think of your "brain freeze" ruse!

Zod spits out the sno-cone
Zod spits out the sno-cone remains.

Did you humans really think you could stop me with this "brain freeze" trickery? I am your rightful leader and I am invincible! I am hereby banning all Snoopy Sno-Cones from this planet. Anybody caught operating a Snoopy Sno-Cone machine will be killed. I suggest all of you destroy your Snoopy Sno-Cone machines immediately, or you shall face GENERAL ZOD!

And on a final note, I noticed something very odd about this Snoopy character. Very odd indeed. "Snoopy" has a red hat on his head, as does the "snow man" figure which contains the ice-vandalizing red liquid. I assume that these red hats are symbols of devotion to Snoopy. So anybody that I find wearing these red hats will be killed as well. I have already begun killing people that I saw wearing such hats.

For example, I caught a strange group of creatures that were making atrocious sounds through peculiar "musical instruments". They called themselves "Devo". I am not sure if they were human or not, but that is not important. What is important is that I killed them for devoting themselves to Snoopy.

Devo has been killed for their defiance.
DEVO: Part of the defiant Snoopy devotion underground.

You shall not devote yourself to Snoopy!
You shall only devote yourself to me, GENERAL ZOD!



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