on "Snoopy Sno-Cones"
When I saw
the Son of Jorel's fortress I noticed two things: 1) It had
no style at all and 2) It was made completely of ice. Ice is
a strange substance. It is cold to the very core and if you
humans are exposed to it long enough without any warmth, it
can kill you. So I suppose I have a lot in common with this
substance known as "ice" after all.
Now then, I
discovered recently that you humans can take this ice
substance in moderation. Even more surprisingly, some of you
dare to risk your own demise by actually consuming it.
Recently, a little human girl came up to me and handed me
what she called, "a sno-cone". She said it was a "treat that
tasted very good" and that I should "eat it". Very peculiar.
It looked like ice, it was cold as ice, but it was not
nearly as strong as ice. Furthermore it had been colored
red, as if to mock it. This ice had been defeated by a
little girl. Naturally, I took this as a sign that she
wanted to defy me. So, I threw the "sno-cone" to the
ground and then killed her.
"sno-cone" had me vexed. How did a once glorious block of
ice get reduced to such a pathetic state? Where did the red
coloring come from? And why did the defiant human child want
me to consume it? Being the wise leader of planet Houston
that I am, I looked up the term "sno-cone" on the internet.
And I believe I have found what is responsible for the ice's
demise: THE SNOOPY SNO-CONE MACHINE.
Zod meets the Snoopy Sno-Cone Machine.
the parents of this little girl and demanded that they
surrender their Snoopy Sno-Cone Machine to me at once. I was
disgusted with what they handed to me. So, this is the
device which you humans use to torture and consume ice is
it? Is it because you know that large amounts of ice and no
shelter can kill each of you? Is this where you pathetic
drones find your amusement? Well, we shall see...
"I WILL CRUSH THE ICE OF MY SNOOPY!"
to create my own "Snoopy Sno-Cone" to prove that not only
could I dominate all humans, but I could also dominate the
ice which you all feel threatened by. There were strange
markings on this machine. I assumed that "Snoopy" was the
creature that sat atop the machine as he ruled over the
defeated ice. I discovered that the "snow man" figure
contained a liquid. A RED LIQUID! So, this is how the ice
turned red! The booklet that came with this ice-massacre
machine states that you must insert the ice and then turn
the crank. Once you turn the crank the ice will crush, just
as I crushed the son of our jailor! The crushed ice should
then be placed into a small paper container and drowned in
red liquid. And finally, the ice should be consumed with
extreme prejudice. So be it. Even if this red liquid
contained a poison, it could not effect me. NOTHING on this
planet can kill ZOD!
Zod regains his composure after an episode of "sno-cone
a large portion of the "sno-cone" in an instant. I started
to feel a strangle tingle inside of my head and a nearby
human slave claimed it was something called "brain freeze".
Brain freeze? Another pathetic human attempt at overthrowing
General Zod! Well, here is what I think of your "brain
Zod spits out the sno-cone remains.
humans really think you could stop me with this "brain
freeze" trickery? I am your rightful leader and I am
invincible! I am hereby banning all Snoopy Sno-Cones from
this planet. Anybody caught operating a Snoopy Sno-Cone
machine will be killed. I suggest all of you destroy your
Snoopy Sno-Cone machines immediately, or you shall face
And on a
final note, I noticed something very odd about this Snoopy
character. Very odd indeed. "Snoopy" has a red hat on his
head, as does the "snow man" figure which contains the
ice-vandalizing red liquid. I assume that these red hats are
symbols of devotion to Snoopy. So anybody that I find
wearing these red hats will be killed as well. I have
already begun killing people that I saw wearing such hats.
example, I caught a strange group of creatures that were
making atrocious sounds through peculiar "musical
instruments". They called themselves "Devo". I am not sure
if they were human or not, but that is not important. What
is important is that I killed them for devoting themselves
DEVO: Part of the defiant Snoopy devotion underground.
You shall not
devote yourself to Snoopy!
You shall only devote yourself to me, GENERAL ZOD!
to Zod home