Clothes for Cowards!
It is well known that I am the ruler of this planet, Houston.
It is also well known that I spare the lives of puny humans who kneel before me and become my loyal slaves forever. With these things in mind, I was shocked to discover that some humans were actually trying to "profit" by using my great name
to help their "clothing line" profit. I found this clothing line that goes by the name of
"IZOD" being displayed in one of your defiant "JCPenney stores". I direct your attention to IZOD clothing at
www.IZOD.com, what you humans refer to as a "web site".
General Zod looks with digust at the IZOD web site.
How can anybody call such atrocious articles of attire "fashionable"? They aren't shiny and black. If you are going to pay tribute to your leader, such as many of you did on
Zod-O-Ween when you dressed up as me, you must dress as I do. Any other kind of clothing will be considered an act of defiance. And all those who defy me, will die by my hands.
It is clearly obvious to me that this company wasn't a bad attempt at paying tribute to me. They are simply trying to capitalize on the name of your rightful leader: ZOD! Nowhere in the "IZOD History" am I mentioned. Instead I see
greedy statements such as, "While all of that history is rich, we believe the future for IZOD is rich". They obviously want to become rich off of my name without giving all of the proceeds to me. Not that I have any use for your human "currency".
The only thing this company is "rich" in is
Nowhere do I see what you humans call "models" that resemble me in any way at all.
None of them share my bold, determined look, nor do any of
them possess the same powers as I do. And nowhere do I see any articles of clothing that I, your ruler, would even
remotely consider wearing. Now, I pose a question to all of you pathetic mortals:
How could the ruler of planet Houston possibly appear to be a commanding force while wearing a
"Full Zip Orange Fleece Vest"? The concept of a ruler with a
Full Zip Orange Fleece Vest is absurd, and whoever thought of such an
wretched idea will be destroyed.
Proof that no true ruler could induce fear in the hearts
of his slaves while wearing an orange fleece vest.
From this day forth, IZOD will be no longer. I will destroy this "company" quickly and without mercy for using my name without my permission. Furthermore, no human is to purchase any of these IZOD clothes. Contributing to IZOD will be considered an act of treason, and I will punish any of you that dare to do so.
And finally, I am personally flying every one of these "IZOD Models" to Antarctica, where they will be left to freeze and die for representing me in such a poor manner. The ONLY accepted materials for clothing are ones of the black, sleek and shiny variety. If you are going to wear clothes, you are going to wear clothes that pay tribute to me, your ruler. Otherwise, you will die cold, alone, and worst of all...
you will die out of style.
"Damn you Zod! Damn you!!!!!!!!"
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