You're about to be baby
pterodactyl food if you don't act quickly, and the way you see it,
you've only got one option. You summon all your dental strength into one
mighty blow, chomping down on the flying lizard's talon as hard as you
possibly can. And manage to do nothing more than break a tooth. Way to
go, dumbass.
YOU'RE
DINOSAUR FOOD!
START OVER, FOSSIL BREATH!
But wait! I've spoken
too soon! It seems that your cry of "Oooooowwwwwwwwww! Gawd, what are
your talons made from, adamantium!? Owwwwwwwww!" has greatly
annoyed the pterodactyl. In fact, after only a few moments of your
painfully shrill ear-splitting shrieks, the pterodactyl looks down at
you and says "Jesus, what a fucking whiner. I'm certainly not feeding
something as lame as you to my kids," before unceremoniously dropping
you.
Yes! This is your
chance! You immediately begin stripping naked as you rush through
the air towards certain death, holding your clothing overhead in an
attempt to catch the wind. It's a damn good thing you gained all that
weight in college, because sure enough your big billowing britches
balloon outward, slowing your descent significantly. Unfortunately,
you're still going plenty fast enough to drill a large hole in the
ground, so it's not much of a plan. You close your eyes and hope that
you don't shit the britches you're no longer wearing as you brace for
impact. But lucky for you, the foliage from the giant jungle trees
provides enough cushioning to decrease your velocity to the point where
you still land with a loud thud, but you're in one piece, and
miraculously none of your bones are broken.
You stand up, brush yourself off, and then you realize three things.
Number one, you're now completely naked. Number two, you're in a jungle,
and you remember from school that we don't have those around here. And number
three, HOLY SHIT THERE'S A DINOSAUR! And not the pterodactyl who just
dropped you off… that you could accept, but a triceratops munching on
leaves not twenty yards away from you? That just BLOWS YOUR FUCKING
MIND!
And just when you're getting over THAT shock, you hear a voice behind
you. "Hey bub," says the figure emerging from the bushes, "you'd best
watch yourself around here. I'm the best there is at what I do, but even
I know this place is dangerous."
What the hell?
Wolverine? What is he doing here? He's not even real, how can he exist
here? And just then it hits you—Wolverine, dinosaurs, jungle. You're in
the Savage Land! But wait a minute, that's a jungle hidden in the middle
of Antarctica! How'd you get there? That's not possible! But come to
think of it, pretty much everything that's happened to you this whole
time has been impossible! But wait, you mentioned adamantium only a
moment ago, and Wolvie has adamantium laced to his bones. And now he
just coincidentally shows up out of the blue? There must be some
connection there, but what?
