I-Mockery Chat (Lube up those lips)

[Shyandquietguy]

So how many aspiring guitar players have you stolen from?

[ThrashO]

Awesome. You should leave the pizza on your counter and eat the rest tomorrow.

I'm done fighting for today, though. Good night.

Just like a stupid pussy to run off when his chips are down :rolleyes

[ThrashO]

http://i.imgur.com/wIJii.gif

Proceed with the fighting though. I've got pizza and a Dr. Pepper going.

This makes the previous post so much funnier :lol

[Kitsa]

for fuck's sake, it's just so tragically pathetic :\

[Fathom Zero]

What the fuck just happened?

[Fathom Zero]

retard thunderdome

Oh, right. :rolleyes

[Kitsa]

The wine I've had causes me to wax uncharacteristically sorrowful about it all. Sarah McLaughlin should be singing that song about angels as Pram Maven posts flash on-screen in slow motion. But then I came to my senses and decided not to give a fuck again.

[Fathom Zero]

Whatchu working on Kitsa? Doing anything productive?

[executioneer]

man i am so happy w. new computer

played portal 2 with everything turned all the way up @ 1920x1200, smooth as butta

[k0k0]

I read that as "Smooth as butts" which I guess works depending. I laughed.

[Kitsa]

I went to a flea market. Then I went to a place where antique biplanes were doing a fly-in. I just got back from a Top Secret Assignment I can't talk about.

[k0k0]

Oh man, flea markets are my favorite! I love collecting knock off toys. Plus the fact that you can walk around with a turkey leg in one hand and a corn on the cob on a stick in the other makes it so much better. At least that's how I roll at the flea markets here.

[Kitsa]

This was a shitty and good one. Shitty, because I was out of town and only got back for the last day of it. The flea market is only once a year and I probably missed out on a lot of great stuff. But it was also good, because it was the last day and people would rather make a deal than load their shit back up.

I scored a kids' bike seat in great shape for $1. It had some superficial stains and stuff that came right off with a Magic Eraser. I also got some antique clip-on earrings for my Judge Judy costume, 50 cents.

[ThrashO]

There are two flea markets here in raleigh. One is pretty much a Little Mexico where I one time got a burrito and had THE WORST diarrhea of my life. And the second one is more like a fair every weekend minus the rides. On top of all the old women selling there "secret" recipes, snacks, rugs, quilts and the like, alot of people sell home made furniture as well.

The best part about this flea market is that outside where everyone has their table set up (I think it's open grounds on the outside, inside you have to pay for a booth) there are tables and tables full of vietnam, WWI and WWI memorabilia and one guy has a HUGE nazi flag over his entire set up. One guy had a photo album and one of the pictures was a soldier down on one knee with a severed dudes head on the end of his bayonet. "NEAT" I say As I take a bite of my footlong corndog.

[k0k0]

The one about 15 miles from my house is every weekend. And they have live music every weekend (usually tejano music with loud accordians and lots of aye aye ayes). I've got plenty of military surplus items from there along with a really sweet full tang ninja sword, tons of airsoft guns, and so many knockoff toys. Also plenty of cheap tools and deals. I like to haggle with these people.

[Kitsa]

I've been to some really great ones and some total duds (the big ones like 7 Mile Fair and the like are almost always lousy, just cellphones and roses dipped in wax and knockoff purses and stuff). One of the best ones I've ever been to was just a pile in an old barn. I'd always find the best stuff there.

We have some huge markets about a half hour south of Dayton, but the local ones are just one big shindig once a year.

[Fathom Zero]

I'm going to blow up the cover of Blackalicious' Blazing Arrow and put it on my wall.

[Pram Maven]

You know, if you all weren't so busy shitting on my work, I'd be nice to you. Then we wouldn't have this little rivalry. I'ts funny, how much people go out of their way to hate each other.

[Zhukov]

If you make my avatar out of clay, then I will bury the hatchet. I wont go out of my way to hate you.

[Pram Maven]

Okay, Zhukov, deal. It will be a caricature, though, and kind of cartoony. Does that suit you? I'm not a great sculptor of realism.

[Pentegarn]

You know, if you all weren't so busy shitting on my work, I'd be nice to you. Then we wouldn't have this little rivalry. I'ts funny, how much people go out of their way to hate each other.

For what we all have with you to be considered a rivalry, both sides would have to be evenly matched, otherwise it is more of a traditional beatdown.

[Pram Maven]

You're still mad because I left Tonic out of the 90's music thread. I just didn't think of it...they have some good songs.

[Zhukov]

Okay, Zhukov, deal. It will be a caricature, though, and kind of cartoony. Does that suit you? I'm not a great sculptor of realism.

That's well within acceptable parameters.

[Aaarg]

going back to the flea market thrift shop conversation yesterday i found a little wooden box with a haida design on the top. it was like a buck-fifty. all right.

[Zhukov]

That's pretty cool. I can honestly say I've never found anything really, really good at a flea market.

[Pram Maven]

Neat! What are you going to put in it?

[Pram Maven]

https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-6rEUIlDfJSQ/TncqvW0sdjI/AAAAAAAADBQ/8mrfIg28RmQ/sculpey%252520face.png

[Zhukov]

That's fucking shite. Do it again.

[Pram Maven]

I know... I suck at Super Sculpey. If would help if I knew where your picture came from, though. Do you have other views of his face?

[Zhukov]

No, it has to be that picture.

[Colonel Flagg]

Looks like I missed out on all the "fun".

Good. :)

[Pram Maven]

I'm having trouble with the clay I'd rather use, but I'm looking for a way to make it more manageable. This might have to wait a bit...Sorry.

FLAGG, buddy! How's it going?

[b_squared]

Kitsa I hope the super secret project has to do with halloween inspired food. The purple pickles were very scary.

[Colonel Flagg]

Are you sure you're not projecting your pedophilic tendencies onto me?

who cares what I am. I'll surely fail at it.

The way you've manipulated the situation today makes me think you might have a criminal record.

You can try to outsmart me, but I'd say we're evenly matched here.

I'm done fighting for today, though. Good night.

You know, if you all weren't so busy shitting on my work, I'd be nice to you. Then we wouldn't have this little rivalry. I'ts funny, how much people go out of their way to hate each other.

FLAGG, buddy! How's it going?

Uh. Fine, but it sure looks like you've been busy.

I have a few rhetorical questions, but for now, I'll stick to the concrete, since it's far less easy to misinterpret. Did you obtain the copyright to my avatar so you could do a clay image of it? I believe it was going to cost you a full on claymation short of a vaguely NSFW act on a marginally talented musician.

[Esuohlim]

I guess the good thing about not having reliable internet at the moment is that Pram is back and most of the newer posts are immensely skippable as a result

[Kitsa]

Kitsa I hope the super secret project has to do with halloween inspired food. The purple pickles were very scary.

In a way. I won't deny that food is involved.

[Pram Maven]

Flagg- nah, I had to abandon the idea because I can't get the right shade of blue. The tint I'm looking is Cyan. Short for Cyanide.

[ThrashO]

Please take a handful of Cyan.

Sincerely, ThrashO

[Tadao]

I guess the good thing about not having reliable internet at the moment is that Pram is back and most of the newer posts are immensely skippable as a result

I was thinking about taking a long break from this place. Looks like I'm going to be forced into it.

[Esuohlim]

I challenge anyone here to find me a comedy album that's funnier than David Cross' "Shut Up You Fucking Baby"

Bill Hicks doesn't count

[Esuohlim]

I was thinking about taking a long break from this place. Looks like I'm going to be forced into it.

Seriously.

PRAM MAVEN - THE GUY FROM WHATEVER NEBRASKA OR SOMETHING WHO CARES

[Fathom Zero]

I like Greg Proops' Joke Book.

[Aaarg]

Neat! What are you going to put in it?

i think i might haida couple of pens in it hyuk hyuk hyuk hyuk

[executioneer]

I challenge anyone here to find me a comedy album that's funnier than David Cross' "Shut Up You Fucking Baby"

Bill Hicks doesn't count

idk maybe i've listened to it too often but some of the shine's come off of david cross's work for me lately

i like eddie izzard's dress to kill a lot

[Kitsa]

No more donations from redheads, please, says sperm bank (http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/44579757/ns/health-pregnancy/)

[Fathom Zero]

Collect 'em all.

[Pram Maven]

Does anyone remember Mad Ball Head Poppers?

[Pentegarn]

Why do you care so much about the eighties? And why would you want to network with Chojin? Don't you guys hate each others guts? Also, musicians make horrible writers, Pram.

He loves the 80s so much he converses only in men without hats lyrics

lnTVvJGeekw

[Pram Maven]

Pent- Pretty much.

It's a very special kind of life
no one's really knows the truth about the situation

Also, this is for Mockery.

https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-pqULS11e8Hg/TnfUjyNZ4FI/AAAAAAAADB4/e0OMW0D0csY/for%252520mockery.png

[Kitsa]

I feel I don't quite understand the repeated blur technique.

[Pram Maven]

He was sitting on a bar of clay and don't know how to blur the background in Gimp so I just used the smudge tool. Normally I'd spend more time, but I've been up for too many hours. However, you'll notice that there are no little balls of clay residue all over his face, the baby wipe idea with the brush worked! :D

[ThrashO]

you'll notice balls all over his face, the baby :D

Jesus Christ dude.

[Pram Maven]

Let it go, man.

Kitsa- If you could do a better job with the blurring I'll send you the original.

[Shyandquietguy]

It's a good thing you added the ghostly outline otherwise I never would've thought it was a ghost.

[Pram Maven]

I thought the same thing when I looked at the reference image.

[Shyandquietguy]

So why aren't you putting this in the art shit forum. Y'know, so you have one whole thread to condense all of your co-dependent jack assery and leave the chat thread alone. Which some how you have managed to make worse.

[Pram Maven]

Good question. To answer that, I would have to grab my lower lip and pull it over my head.
Do you ever have anything nice to say, Shyandquietguy? Or does doing that make your stomach hurt?

[Shyandquietguy]

Good question, maybe it's because I despise social rapists.

[ThrashO]

Let it go, man.

Yeah ok. And the Jews should let The Holocaust go, and the blacks should let slavery go.

So what if we're forced to interact with rapists, murderers, scat enthusiasts, pedophiles and CLAYMATORS.

JUST LET IT GO I-MOCKERY

:rolleyes

(Also, there was a recent headline in Portland, Oregon's newspaper: "CLAYMATOR CREMATOR BLOOD MASTURBATOR STRIKES AGAIN." Coincidence? Maybe Portland, Oregon should just let it go."

[ThrashO]

Let it go, man.

I'm sure you've had helpless preteens scream that at you.

[Pram Maven]

Why do you tell so many lies, Thrash0? No one likes a liar.

[Shyandquietguy]

Why does everything you do reek of wonton Les Claypool?

[Pram Maven]

Les Claypool called. He said he was insulted by that.

[Shyandquietguy]

I'm pretty sure he would. Usually it's a financial issue to deal with sub-par claymators.

[ThrashO]

Les Claypool called. He said he was insulted by that.

http://www.zug.com/img/rating-yellow-full.gif 126,938 http://www.zug.com/img/trophy.gif 67

[Pram Maven]

I'm pretty sure he would. Usually it's a financial issue to deal with sub-par claymators.

No, just a tax thing.

[ThrashO]

No, just a tax thing.

http://www.zug.com/img/rating-yellow-full.gif 2,978,485 http://www.zug.com/img/trophy.gif 76,934

[Pram Maven]

Shut the fuck up, you little stoner. All you do is talk shit but you add nothing to this site. How old did you say you were? You act 15. Did you even read the TOS when you joined? Or did you more likely just hit the "I Accept" button as many times as you could before the screen refreshed?

[Pram Maven]

Moron. Pub left because of you.

[Shyandquietguy]

No, just a tax thing

So you admit the only reason you'll ever get hired is by either self-pity, someone trying to get a deduction or someone really desperate for the eighties.

And you top it all of with self-deprecating wonton humor?

How the fuck are you not dead yet?

[ThrashO]

Moron. Pub left because of you.

You say that like you were friends with him (or anyone on this site)

[Pram Maven]

Shy- you overuse the word "wonton". Was that the word of the day at school?

[Shyandquietguy]

No, the word was "Passive Aggressive".

As in, "Everyone's bringing back retro stuff! Plus I work for cheap!" or "Well I hope you have a nice day." or " I never get anything right!"

Which are the exact things everyone despises.

No wonder Zug left you.

[Pram Maven]

Rock stars are not known for having a reputation for professionalism

Shy- Passive aggressive is two words and they're not capitalized.

[ThrashO]

Shy- Passive aggressive is two words and they're not capitalized.

http://www.zug.com/img/rating-yellow-full.gif 987,98760897,9898J09,72,948,417 http://www.zug.com/img/trophy.gif 86586547,64575436534

[Shyandquietguy]

See? You're at it again. Much like "Anti-harassment laws" or "How can you people be so mean?"

So did Zug ban you or did they make you cry like a bitch?

[Rongi]

I challenge anyone here to find me a comedy album that's funnier than David Cross' "Shut Up You Fucking Baby"

Bill Hicks doesn't count

david cross is far too self-righteous for my tastes. i often feel like he's talking down to the audience, which is stupid because his points aren't really that groundbreaking or interesting

bill hicks i've kind of gotten over, for similar reasons. bill hicks is kind of like marijuana, if you're not over how great it is past your early 20's you're probably some kind of immature man-child

[k0k0]

I love David Cross, if only for Arrested Development. As Tobias Funke he was the best damn closet homo around. Everything he does other than that is just icing on his sweet pink mouth.

[ThrashO]

david cross is far too self-righteous for my tastes. i often feel like he's talking down to the audience, which is stupid because his points aren't really that groundbreaking or interesting

bill hicks i've kind of gotten over, for similar reasons. bill hicks is kind of like marijuana, if you're not over how great it is past your early 20's you're probably some kind of immature man-child

inb4 "lik thrash lol" from pram

[Rongi]

I love David Cross, if only for Arrested Development. As Tobias Funke he was the best damn closet homo around. Everything he does other than that is just icing on his sweet pink mouth.

i've only seen bits and pieces of that show, and tbh i didn't really like what i saw. blasphemy, i know ;(. maybe i'll try it out for real one day though and realize "hey this is p. great". but i also think curb your enthusiasm is a horribly unfunny show, so who knows

david cross' standup is just a bunch of easy points shouted (more like 'whined') out by some asshole. yeah man we get it, nyc is great and the south is full of rednecks. it's not like i haven't heard this from like, every new yorker i've ever known ever

[Shyandquietguy]

inb4 "lik thrash lol" from pram
http://heykyo.thecomicseries.com/files/charnie.gif

[Rongi]

SHOWS THAT R GOOD

WONDERSHOWZEN (i haven't watched this show since it got cancelled but boy howdy was it funny)
TIM AND ERIC AWESOME SHOW GREAT JOB (the fifth season was horrid, the fourth season was ok, but the first three seasons are tops! oh man that chrimbus special was putrid too)
THE SIMPSONS (before like season 11 this show was gr8)
SPACE GHOST COAST 2 COAST (i wish this show was still on :( adult swim released some dvds after volume 3 and they were barely advertised and really poorly made but i bought them anyway because this show was amazing)
UPRIGHT CITIZENS BRIGADE (probably the best sketch comedy show ever, for real)
PARKS AND RECREATION (i never watch this show but the episodes i saw of the second season was fun! i like the guy with the mustache, dont remember his name though!)

i'm probably forgetting some shows but fuck it i should be doing my bio homework

[Pentegarn]

Shy- Passive aggressive is two words and they're not capitalized.

What I don't understand about this post is you quoted something I said in a completely different conversation before said post.

If you are going to use my gold at least use it correctly and in context.

[Pentegarn]

So did Zug ban you or did they make you cry like a bitch?

I would go find that answer out myself but that would require going to Zug. One time was more than enough thankyouverymuch.

[Shyandquietguy]

I bet he got banned for catching a moderator in a tremendous double standard.

Which was after everyone called him a needy little faggot in unison.

Pentagarn, I believe he quoted you to attempt to annul all observations on him. Via patronizing like a mother fucker. Such as sending me a PM stating I won when I cornered him on the theft of small time artists.

ROngi! I believe Mr. Show would be on there! I should probably not be vouching since I've only seen clips and one whole episode. But it's worth it!

[Dimnos]

Parks and rec is probably the most lazy unfunny thing I have ever seen.

[Pram Maven]

Shy, you are a desperately sad loser. Fuck yourself.
Pent, you are an obnoxious loser. Ignore yourself.
Thrash0, you are an evolutionary anomaly. Study yourself.

[k0k0]

Ok Pram. I was staying out of this, but you don't try to insult pent. Or the other dudes even. You came back to make peace, yet all you've done since you got here was fight some dudes and then try and lick the sack of others. What you're doing is so see-through that you should be made of fucking glass. Some kind of child molesting, can't get it up unless blood is involved, unemployable glass. Go back to zug if you're going to bring this shit here.

[10,000 Volt Ghost]

I love David Cross, if only for Arrested Development. As Tobias Funke he was the best damn closet homo around. Everything he does other than that is just icing on his sweet pink mouth.

He's the best analyst therapist around.

[Aaarg]

i've never heard david cross' stand-up but that stupid donut sketch from mr. show is enough to keep him on my "comedians i like" list. probably only for "'tv' is a nick-name and nick-names are for friends and television is no friend of mine!"

[Fathom Zero]

YjFe0tq5Yc4

It's going to be a day.

[Kitsa]

I like David Cross in small doses.

[Pram Maven]

K0k0- For a site that prides itself on mocking people, the people doing the mocking sure can't handle themselves being mocked. Alright, I'll stop if your friends will. Over on Zug we have the expression "the humor stops at your target's face". I believe in that. What you're seeing is not transparency with regard to my intentions, but anger that arises when you try to rig the game. I am genuine if you'll give me a chance to be, but when I'm angry I don't care. Compare that to how you treat people when you're angry. We aren't so different, duder.

You have to give respect to get it. I'd rather drop both sides of the argument into the ocean and piss on them as we watch them sink.

[10,000 Volt Ghost]

http://www.examiner.com/images/blog/wysiwyg/image/Riggs.jpeg

[Pram Maven]

How dare you make fun of my diplopia.

[Rongi]

Curb Your Enthusiasm is probably the most lazy unfunny thing I have ever seen.

FYP

[Aaarg]

fuck off fuck off fuck off

(this was directed at pram marvin)

[Rongi]

ROngi! I believe Mr. Show would be on there! I should probably not be vouching since I've only seen clips and one whole episode. But it's worth it!

i don't really like this show :(

[Rongi]

srsly though, i don't get why people think CYE is funny. every joke is the same. larry david says something out of turn and then a bunch of grown ass people curse like they're 13 years old

[Aaarg]

"you my nigga?"
"yes, i'm your ******!"

yeah i think i've only seen one episode of that show and it was the crazy eyes killa one.

[Esuohlim]

I forgot how true that Chef Rongi comic actually is, even after all these years!

bill hicks i've kind of gotten over, for similar reasons. bill hicks is kind of like marijuana, if you're not over how great it is past your early 20's you're probably some kind of immature man-child

So you're saying Bill Hicks is like the Chuck Palahniuk of comedians? This doesn't sit well with me, since there are about 800 million authors better than Palahniuk but there aren't 800 million comedians better than Bill Hicks. It's almost like saying that getting over Bill Hicks means you've gotten over stand-up comedy in general. BUT THAT IS MY OPINION :(

[Fathom Zero]

nL3ePKLEJlE

OMG Les Claypool doin' Morphine.

[Esuohlim]

http://i.imgur.com/NEv2T.png

:geddylee

[Dixie]

you a pickle pimp.

[ThrashO]

K0k0- For a site that prides itself on mocking people, the people doing the mocking sure can't handle themselves being mocked.

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING DUDE.

You're entire existence has been clearing your name on this site because people make fun of you for being a stupid pussy clay faggot.

You feel the need to constantly explain yourself and clear your name with every single insult thrown at you. You never let it roll off your shoulder and you explain to everyone that *insert life event no one gives a shit about* is why you were a dumb faggot in the first place.

And you honestly want us to believe that you can't get a job because of it.

:lol:lol:lol:lol:lol

I'm pretty sure the reason why you haven't gotten a job is the same reason why you've never gotten any respect.

You need to pick one of the following things to do:

Stop taking people so seriously and lighten the fuck up

or

Die

Now if you pick the former I doubt it's going to help much HERE, but it might actually work wonders for you in real life. You might get a job, some friends... who knows dude maybe eventually you won't be a claymator.

[Colonel Flagg]

[random epithet, repeated three times]

(this was directed at pram marvin)

Dude, no explanation is needed; I think every time someone uses that phrase the first thing we think of is that they're responding to something Pam said.

[Pram Maven]

maybe eventually you won't be a claymator.

What is so wrong with doing something that is difficult and that not many people know how to do at a high level?

You're right about the rest, except for the part about me thinking it's keeping me from getting a job. It's not. It just hurts my feelings, is all.

[Kitsa]

To me, CYE is like Seinfeld with all of the bitterness and none of the wackiness. It's George Costanza with likability taken away and a fuckload of name dropping added in, basically.

:tvforum

[Fathom Zero]

blasphemy

[Colonel Flagg]

[in his signature] don't take your death personally, Gabby.

Wow, this almost made me chuckle. You're close to finding the funny.

[Kitsa]

it creeps me out just a little.

[executioneer]

i don't like curb, seinfeld, or sunny :(

[Fathom Zero]

I feel like there's a tiny Larry David inside my head showing all sorts of horrible things.

He's stifled by my inner Emo Philips and Norm Macdonald, though.

[Pentegarn]

What is so wrong with doing something that is difficult and that not many people know how to do at a high level?



There's nothing wrong with being a clayanimator just like there's nothing wrong with being a guy who is pursuing a career in VCR and corded telephone repair

Look if your chosen trade had any cultural relevance, then we might be inclined to take it more seriously, but there hasn't been any serious clayanimation done in mainstream pop culture since the California Raisins.

Besides, clayanimation doesn't fit your personal style, if you are going to go with a culturally obsolete medium to choose as a career path, you should go with one that does. Might I suggest singing in black face? That would fit the whole racist thing you like to do.

[Pentegarn]

Pent, you are an obnoxious loser. Ignore yourself.

I am going to go with the algebraic English approach to this.

The biggest loser on the internet is Pram Maven

Anything he says is likely loserish and wrong

Therefore when he calls me a loser, it means I am a winner (negative of a negative and all that)

Thanks for the compliment Pram! :rock

[Pentegarn]

Pram [is] Some kind of child molesting, can't get it up unless blood is involved, unemployable glass. Go back to zug if you're going to bring this shit here.

I could repair that glass, but I would likely be more inclined to recommend a replacement due to massive factory flaws in the product

[Pram Maven]

There's nothing wrong with being a clayanimator just like there's nothing wrong with being a guy who is pursuing a career in VCR and corded telephone repair

Look if your chosen trade had any cultural relevance, then we might be inclined to take it more seriously, but there hasn't been any serious clayanimation done in mainstream pop culture since the California Raisins.

Besides, clayanimation doesn't fit your personal style, if you are going to go with a culturally obsolete medium to choose as a career path, you should go with one that does. Might I suggest singing in black face? That would fit the whole racist thing you like to do.

I AM NOT RACIST, YOU #$^#@$%&$#^&$568

As far as the clay animation thing, like I said before, I'm not trying to get a job as a clay animator. I'm trying to get a job as a stop motion animator. In stop motion, clay animation is highly respected. That's not why I do it, but it has benefits if you are good because once you can do clay animation, you can do ANY form of stop motion. It actually becomes easier because the material doesn't yield to your fingers.

On the other hand, swearing a lot isn't very professional. Would you like a hand job? That is how we greet each other in my field.

[Pentegarn]

I thought you were having trouble getting a job with your hands (clayanimation), so how is it that you able to give a hand job but are unable to land one?

I AM NOT RACIST, YOU #$^#@$%&$#^&$568

Hey don't yell at me, I'm not the one who is thinking of becoming a singer in black face.

[Pram Maven]

I wear gloves.

[Pentegarn]

That doesn't answer my question. It just tells me what you use when you are a part time fluffer

[k0k0]

I wear gloves.

Why, are they dusting the children for fingerprints now? I don't think that works on skin.

[Pram Maven]

It's all just JOKES. Just as I assume the stuff you've made up about me is. Pram Maven does not mean what you think it does. Why can't you leave my- no, wait, I'm getting a pang of...ah...yep, there it is- I don't care. My mind's made up. You're funny, and I don't care.

[Pentegarn]

Pram, I don't want your little real serious answer via PM, I am bored with trying to teach you anything at this point. I thought you finally got it but then you came back and proved that you in fact do not get it at all. So now you are just a toy, so when I say "how is it that you able to give a hand job but are unable to land one?" I expect you to either answer here seriously, or give one of your lame duck responses that Zug would give 'trophees' and 'smileys' to, either of which I can amuse myself and others by responding to. Your serious answer via PM is not what I want. Anyone else could have seen that by the facetious nature in which I asked the question.

:themoreyouknow

[Pram Maven]

OH! Haha,

I can give a hand job but can't get one because I'm not high enough in the jerking order.

[Pentegarn]

Hmmmm, on second thought, don't respond at all. That was unfunny and the only proper responses would be equally lame such as "you're the top jerk in my eyes :rimshot"

[Pram Maven]

Oh yeah, that too. Except I would say, "your eyes are bloodshot from jerking in them, :rimshit.

[Pentegarn]

Which would be not only unfunny, but also confusing.

Also that was old when Tucker Max said it years ago

[Pram Maven]

Thank you, Humor Auditor.

[Rongi]

guys, stop fighting with pram maven. he has aspergers. you are essentially picking on a retard

[Rongi]

...i just realized that some cool people on here have aspergers too

uh what i meant was, pram maven has severe aspergers. yeah

[ThrashO]

I AM NOT RACIST, YOU #$^#@$%&$#^&$568

I AM NOT RACIST, YOU JEW N*GGER SPIC CHINK

:eek

[Pentegarn]

Thank you, Humor Auditor.

And one day, when if you say something funny, I will audit it for you

[executioneer]

...i just realized that some cool people on here have aspergers too

uh what i meant was, pram maven has severe aspergers. yeah
i use to think i had aspergers, then i realised i prob. just had avoidant personality disorder

[Pentegarn]

people use aspergers as an excuse to be assholes, just embrace and admit you're an asshole I say

It's what I do

[Shyandquietguy]

Shy, you are a desperately sad loser. Fuck yourself

Sad fucking loser? I'm not the one who did a shitty caricature out of sculpy as currency for friendship. Which wasn't even recognizable WITH the greyscale filter.

[Rongi]

i use to think i had aspergers, then i realised i prob. just had avoidant personality disorder

whew, ok cool ;(

i used to think i had it too. then i actually MET people with aspergers and was like "yeah, i'm way less socially awkward than that"

jeannette x had aspergers, and she was a pretty nice lady. kind of didn't get jokes, but it's all good

MILHOUSE

bill hicks isn't anywhere near as untalented as chuck pahalniuk, that horrid piece of shit. there are still some bits of his i find funny (the sucking your own dick thing is hilarious). but to be honest, i don't really take the artform of stand up that seriously anymore. i would have to say my favorite standup is prob dave chappelle, and he never really goes too deep into social issues. his bit on grape drink is fucking hilarious, though

[Fathom Zero]

jeanette talked about poops and dildos, though

[ThrashO]

Sad fucking loser? I'm not the one who did a shitty caricature out of sculpy as currency for friendship.

:lol

[Rongi]

jeanette talked about poops and dildos, though

i don't remember poop talk, but i remember jamesman made some whiney thread about how dildos make it harder for men to satisfy ladies

jamesman kind of sucked, in retrospect

[Fathom Zero]

i didn't know that was a thought so much as a reality

[Esuohlim]

Yeah, I was going to say that Jamesman kind of sucked in real time too

[Pentegarn]

Who do I pickle for that thread title change?

[Colonel Flagg]

My money is on MLE.

I just saw this (http://gawker.com/5840949/)- he reminds me of Pram Maven, only funny.

[Kitsa]

I think it might be contagious because I haven't been able to type coherently today. Everything that sounded right in my head has come out confusing and insulting. :(

[Rongi]

nah dawgs, it was willie who changed the thread title

[executioneer]

jeanette talked about poops and dildos, though
and scabs and boogers and earwax

[executioneer]

nah dawgs, it was willie who changed the thread title
i can't even do that anymore. chojin didn't change it when he edited it either i think

some weird thing with the bigger threads

[Rongi]

well, i highly doubt it was rog. he doesn't really come around these parts too often

mew barios? nah that's unlikely

WAS IT YOU MILHOUSE >:?

[ThrashO]

I think it was the FBI

[Esuohlim]

IT WAS ME :eek READ ON FOR THE SECRAT

I can't do it the old way anymore, just like everyone else. Editing the thread's original post doesn't work anymore for some reason, so I'm only able to change thread titles if I double-click the name of the thread and then quickly hit Esc to stop the page from loading. Double-clicking brings the thread title up in a text box, which can then be edited.

This may only work for mods. Non-mods should try it on their own threads and see if it works but DO NOT CREATE THREADS TO TRY IT OUT, FUCKERS. I AM A SERIOUS.

[Rongi]

milhouse, can you give me back my editing button? chojin took it away because he thinks i'm going to go back and edit my old posts. but i would never do that because that's retarded and i have better things to do

[MLE]

but that means you would edit your new posts and that is just as dangerous.

[executioneer]

milhouse you son of a gun! i've gotten that doubleclick thing and always wondered why it did that, i had no idea it actually edited the title

[Esuohlim]

That's the only reason why I know about it, because I sometimes do it by accident :x

[Esuohlim]

milhouse, can you give me back my editing button? chojin took it away because he thinks i'm going to go back and edit my old posts. but i would never do that because that's retarded and i have better things to do

I DO NOT HAVE THIS POWER :( SRY

[ThrashO]

wil u guys make me a mod so i can try

[ThrashO]

Also, I like the way "Murderapist" rolls off the tongue.

Or onto the tongue if you catch my drift... :conspiracy

[Esuohlim]

Welcome to I-Mockery, Member #15981

[Rongi]

but that means you would edit your new posts and that is just as dangerous.

I JUST DON'T WANT PEOPLE TO KNOW HOW INARTICULATE I AM

MY REPUTATION ON THE INTERNET IS AT STAKE HERE

willie, help a brother out

[Rongi]

god one of my roommates is so fucking annoying and weird. here are things i hate about him:

-he only eats like, white bread and cereal and shit. dude is straight up afraid of chinese food
-he has no idea what "69" means. he actually asked me once "what is 69?" i just told him it was a number
-whenever he sees me studying he will ask me "hey man, are you studying?" or tell me "jeez you sure study a lot, man!"
-he eats all my fucking cereal
-he constantly follows around my other roommate (who is a total broseph but i hang out w/ him a lot), and jabbers on and on and on and on and on about nothing. he doesn't do this to me because i usually give him very monosyllabic answers or i go into my room
-i hate him

[Zhukov]

I avoid proper Chinese food made by Chineses because they usually put MSG in everything as a flavour, and that gives me bad migraines.

I eat all my cereal.


I hate him.

[ThrashO]

god one of my roommates is so fucking annoying and weird. here are things i hate about him:

-he only eats like, white bread and cereal and shit. dude is straight up afraid of chinese food
-he has no idea what "69" means. he actually asked me once "what is 69?" i just told him it was a number
-whenever he sees me studying he will ask me "hey man, are you studying?" or tell me "jeez you sure study a lot, man!"
-he eats all my fucking cereal
-he constantly follows around my other roommate (who is a total broseph but i hang out w/ him a lot), and jabbers on and on and on and on and on about nothing. he doesn't do this to me because i usually give him very monosyllabic answers or i go into my room
-i hate him

My room mate is the same way. But he's one of my best friends. He's just one of the friends that you can really fucking hate at times.

For example, he likes attention, so if he does something "wacky" like eat cereal out of a huge serving bowl because there are no regular bowls clean, he has to be loud about it and make sure you SEE this huge bowl then he dumps the cereal in, looking out of the corner of his eye to make sure you're seeing just how SILLY HE IS and then he dramatically spoons the first huge bite of cereal into his mouth and quietly giggles to himself as if to say "CAN U BELIEVE I DID THAT LOL".

Also, he does shit like "Man you sure do like strawberries!" or "Man what's up with you and fajitas!? you make them like every night lol!"

Rongi are you secretly my third room mate? Because he hates this guy too and we talk shit on how stupid he is all the time.

[edit] also, he knocks on my door while I'm minding my own business just to go "whatcha watching?"

FUCK OFF THATS WHAT IM WATCHING.

[executioneer]

I JUST DON'T WANT PEOPLE TO KNOW HOW INARTICULATE I AM

MY REPUTATION ON THE INTERNET IS AT STAKE HERE

willie, help a brother out
i think i can't do it either :(

[executioneer]

unless it has something to do with usergroups, that is? and even then i don't wanna get yelled at again like the pickles for ponies debacle

[Shyandquietguy]

I don't remember most of my room mates other than being too horribly depressed to actually remember them. The one room mate I had outside of school was pretty damn awesome and understanding of my awkwardness and enjoyed me as the awkward shut in that I was. Even though he had a gigantic boner for cars and tech and it was hard not wanting to deck him whenever he got me into his room and talk about some new camero or whatever coming out.

Because I was the only one who listened to him. >:

[kahljorn]

rongi i have a solution for all of your problems

dont buy cereal or whitebread

ok tha tonly solves some of them

its possible he could stave to death though

[ItalianStereotype]

so I have a really cool story, bros

in my browser with the BAPE forum skin, when I load any page on the forums it always takes a moment to load properly. for the first few seconds, the "user" in "user cp" is cut off, leaving only cp.

[ItalianStereotype]

I mean, aren't child dicks just ACES

[ItalianStereotype]

Pram Maven, I think we could all learn a tune or two if you'd care to whistle

[HickMan]

AFGHANISTAN UPDATE: I'M NOT DEAD YET

[Aaarg]

only eats white bread? afraid of chinese food? sounds like a RACIST.

[Kitsa]

I'm afraid of a lot of chinese food because they put oyster sauce in everything and that doesn't go well when you're allergic to shellfish.

Once I ordered a vegetable dish and it had brown sauce on it that I thought was some sort of thickened soy sauce, and I ate it and my face turned red and I started wheezing. :(

So mostly I order steamed vegetables and white rice and cry a lot.

[Aaarg]

hey, white rice is delicious!

but you have a reason to be afraid of chinese food, at least.

[Colonel Flagg]

AFGHANISTAN UPDATE: I'M NOT DEAD YET

Keep up the good work!

[Pram Maven]

That's it... I'm gonna rape your faces off. I'll do the ugly ones first, because more texture = added pleasure.

[Pram Maven]

You're gonna get soooo raped, President Obama will declare an annual Raping Day in my honor. When I die, I'm going to rape your DREEEEEAMS

[Pram Maven]

But I'll do it slow... Over, say, several years of random visits. In fact, one day you won't wake up for 50 years and the townspeople will nickname you Rape Van Winkle.

[GOOGLE POLICE UNDERCOVER]

PRAM MAVEN THAT IS IT I ARREST YOU IN THE NAME OF THE LORD LAW

[GOOGLE POLICE UNDERCOVER]

HEY WHERE DID YOU GO GIVE ME BACK MY BILLY BAT

[GOOGLE FBI]

:shoots Pram Maven

THANKS, GOOGLE POLICE. I'LL HAVE SOMEONE CALL THE BODY IN.

: puts the redneck siren flashy light thing on the hood of his car and peels out

:HOOOOWEEEEEEEE HOOOOOOWEEEEEEEE HOOOOOOOWEEEEEEEEE

[MLE]

Nice try, but you're not allowed to register multiple accounts, sonny boy.

[MLE]

Didn't we already tell you this? This makes you a MULTIPLE OFFENDER.

[CORONER]

THERE'S NO SIGN OF SEXUAL TRAUMA!

ALSO, PRAM MAVEN IS DEAD.

[Dixie]

Can't we just ban him already?

[MarioRPG]

Pram, like herpes, would just come back with a vengeance.

[Esuohlim]

INTERNET

[Colonel Flagg]

Pram, like herpes, would just come back with a vengeance.

This (http://www.i-mockery.com/forum/showpost.php?p=742306&postcount=81094).

[Kitsa]

I sort of recognized it and that made me lol.

Well done on amusing your fellow science nerds and whatnot, Flagg. You get a pickle.

[Kitsa]

At first I thought you were going here:

http://i799.photobucket.com/albums/yy271/kitsa_for_imockery2/mysterychem.gif

[Kitsa]

...wow, that didn't show up well at all.

[liquidstatik]

..

[Pentegarn]

Pram is ripping off Gus's shtick (http://www.i-mockery.com/forum/showthread.php?t=69698658&page=3) and doing it very poorly.

As an aside to Pram himself, read that link to see it done right

[MLE]

Actually, a good portion of those weren't Gus. One of them was me.

[MLE]

We did the same thing to Dr. Boogie, but all of them got promptly banned.

Dr. Loogie, Dr. Noogie, and one other.

[Pentegarn]

Heh I thought they were all Gus.

:historylesson

Are the ones in this thread (http://www.i-mockery.com/forum/showthread.php?t=69706827) all Gus or does he have access to all the Gus family?

Either way I will henceforth call it "The Gus gag". Which is still funny but I now know is a collaboration.

[Rongi]

rongi i have a solution for all of your problems

dont buy cereal or whitebread

ok tha tonly solves some of them

its possible he could stave to death though

the only time he ever leaves the house (aside from when he has to go to class) is to go to target to buy white bread and cereal :(

[executioneer]

i agree with kahl you should stave him to death

[HickMan]

I think I'll make a character called DickMan and be a total dick to everyone. Or maybe SlickMan and be totally cool with the ladies. More thought must be put into this while I defend 'MURICA

[Rongi]

man, staving someone to death sounds like it would take a lot of work :/

[Rongi]

IMA CHUCK A DEAD BODY YA MOTHAFUCKIN LAWN

[Rongi]

*on ya mothafuckin lawn >:

[Kitsa]

Thanks to my neighbors, my lawn looks like something out of ATHF so it could only be an improvement.

[Shyandquietguy]

If you cross him in the kitchen you should mutter "I'm tired of fucking cereal." Before he reacts follow with "I'm tired of you." If he's speechless, go and find the big bowl that he has, throw it on the ground and stomp on it. Start walking off. The moment he begins to sheepishly pick up the pieces, grab the largest piece you can and throw it out the window.

But if tries to calm you down rather than stand back. grab each and every bowl you can find and break them. If he manages to restrain you, just sob incoherently that you can't control yourself, that you don't know what you're doing. Then tip over the fridge.

I have to go visit my Dad under the overpass now.

P.S. Serious answer. Get a giant bowl and two cascading smaller bowls and place them inside each other and eat out of the smallest one and continue to do so until it gets on him. Make sure they're loose enough that they clink and clank to add to the quick wear down.

[Kitsa]

Dead spider in the cereal like in arachnophobia?

I can't eat crispix to this day.

[Rongi]

thanks for the suggestions, y'all, but more than likely i'll probably just end up screaming at him ;(

probably around midterms

[Shyandquietguy]

Tell him all the strange knick knacks he has are banal as shit. Or convince him sleeping like a homeless person is cool.

[liquidstatik]

..

[Colonel Flagg]

At first I thought you were going here:

http://i799.photobucket.com/albums/yy271/kitsa_for_imockery2/mysterychem.gif

...wow, that didn't show up well at all.

Don't worry, I figured it out ... but why would that alleviate the situation? All I could glean from teh googlwebs was that potassium dicyanoargentate was used in some biomedical applications (proteomics?) and had some effect on endocrine activity.

Biochemistry was never a strong subject for me. :(

[Kitsa]

you overthought it, I was just going for potassium cyanide and that was the simplest diagram I could find :)

[Colonel Flagg]

:(

[Kitsa]

Also I haven't been in school in years :(

[Fathom Zero]

DXC9a-vcV5c

This is that joke in video form

[k0k0]

Man, I wish I were young enough to go back to school and not have to work. I miss the days when I didn't have to worry over stupid shit.

[executioneer]

man, staving someone to death sounds like it would take a lot of work :/
naw you just get a good solid (oak?) stave and beat them about the head and chest w/it

shouldn't take more than a few good whacks unless he's particularly thick-headed

[ThrashO]

DXC9a-vcV5c

This is that joke in video form

http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y293/BlingShyne2/UHOH.jpg

COOL ARM

[Rongi]

naw you just get a good solid (oak?) stave and beat them about the head and chest w/it

shouldn't take more than a few good whacks unless he's particularly thick-headed

OH I thought you meant like the VERB stave:

"Break something by forcing it inward or piercing it roughly"

[executioneer]

well that's the ultimate goal but it isn't 100% necessary

[Fathom Zero]

i'm not an ice cream man

i'm an ice cream, man

[Fathom Zero]

Man, I wish I were young enough to go back to school and not have to work. I miss the days when I didn't have to worry over stupid shit.

What was your highest grade completed before you dropped out? Some say it gets harder as it goes along.

[k0k0]

I graduated highschool but never felt the need to go to college. I did pretty much get all A's and B's until my last year because I spent the whole year smoking pot and working instead of going to school. I just showed up to pass all of their tests. When they didn't want to pass me because I didn't show up, I just showed them how I passed every test they gave. It sucked that I had enough credits to graduate my junior year, but the state mandated that I had to take 4 years of english and a year of an elective.

[Fathom Zero]

Two years in and I'm still wondering why I go. School is a sucker's bet.

[Aaarg]

http://i1112.photobucket.com/albums/k497/animalsbeingdicks/animalsbeingdicks/abd-95.gif

[k0k0]

http://i.imgur.com/ekxh4.gif

[Aaarg]

oh man i love that he hurried out of there. that bird has gotta be a habitual shoplifter. that's awesome.

when i worked for safeway every so often a dog would sneak over from some house on a street past the woods behind the store and he'd come into the store and run into the deli.

his name was roscoe and he was a min-pin.

[Fathom Zero]

Roscoe the Cold-Cut Bandit

[Kitsa]

9FWQ2vO_QHM

[Aaarg]

and you're not going to stop those guys because BEAKS HURT.

[Kitsa]

You're telling me...I used to have a mean old cockatiel and one time he got me right in that spot between my thumb and index finger. I swear he chewed. Even with my blood all over his beak, he wouldn't let go.

[k0k0]

Looks like I gotta have sinus surgery since I have some kind of blockage up there, which is good and also sucks. I also have a deviated septum so they're gonna put tubes up my nose and make me deal with that for a week or so. Fun stuff. So if I'm not back after next Tuesday, you dudes be cool, cuz I'm dead, and probably haunting kitsa. Because I think she'd be the one to talk about me haunting her on here. Plus, no offense, but I think she'd be the most interesting to watch day to day.

[Kitsa]

Well, that sucks. Any surgery sucks, I mean.

I'm sure you'll be back.

In the meantime, I'll be showering with my clothes on.

[b_squared]

k0k0,
You'll be haunting her because you have a thing for curvy redheads.

Good luck with the surgery, hopefully they can fix it.

[Pentegarn]

Wait are you saying the surgery will fix his thing for curvy redheads?

[k0k0]

I don't think anything can fix my thing for curvy redheads. That shit is ingrained is nature's fault. Or at least my first girlfriend's.

[Kitsa]

This is making me only slightly less uncomfortable than the gathering where I heard, "Man, if you wasn't my cousin..."

[k0k0]

Don't worry man, I'm not gonna be the kind of ghost who shows himself to your family. I'll just be the kind of ghost who hangs out and watches shit go down. And also I'll probably be rattling things and changing the channels of your tv to things I would rather watch. You can't be a ghost without rattling shit.

[b_squared]

No the surgery will cure the nasal whistle heard while doing a curvy redhead.

[b_squared]

Haunt Kitsa's neighbors. That should be entertaining as hell.

[k0k0]

I just told one of my best friends that my final wish if I do die in surgery is that he names his first child Kevin Jr, regardless of it's sex. He refused. What an asshole. You can't deny the last wishes of a good compadre. So I made sure my roommate pesters him until he does it.

[Kitsa]

If you're haunting my neighbors, could you please see if they're stealing our cable?

[Pram Maven]

My bowel disease is out of remission, so I'll also be leaving. Sorry, guys. Health takes priority over screwing around on a humor site.

I have a bleeding ulcer and can take pictures of my stools if you like. It's mostly diarrhea, though.

[Kitsa]

I think the majority opinion is that they've been looking at it for a while.

I didn't say it, but I think that's what the prevailing sentiment is.

[Pentegarn]

So a shitty poster is stopped by shit

Ironic

[Colonel Flagg]

I think the majority opinion is that they've been looking at it for a while.

I didn't say it, but I think that's what the prevailing sentiment is.

PICKLE!

[Colonel Flagg]

This is making me only slightly less uncomfortable than the gathering where I heard, "Man, if you wasn't my cousin..."

What is a virgin in a redneck family?

A girl that can run faster than all her brothers.

[Rongi]

This adderall I bough a week ago fucking sucks. I took it at 3:30, it wore off around 8:30

What the fuck >:

[Pram Maven]

So a shitty poster is stopped by shit

Ironic

Next, on 1000 Ways To Die...

[Rongi]

now i'm tired and i have no interest in going over my biology notes :(

[Colonel Flagg]

[...] I'll also be leaving. Sorry, guys. [...]

Don't worry, you'll be back. :(

I [...] can take pictures of my stools [...].

http://www.juztimage.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/05/bar-stools-5.jpg

[Kitsa]

I wish I could say I'd only heard it once.

What's that saying about going to a family reunion to pick up women?

[Rongi]

ATTENTION ADDERALL USERS (i know one of you dorks has a prescription for this shit)

How do I convince a Doctor that I need this stuff? I think I legitimately have good reason, whenever I'm on the stuff I get way more shit done and I'm much less distracted